Tuesday, November 21, 2006

The Vikings are the Kramer of the NFL

I have watched a lot of Vikings games in four years of matriculation. I have rooted for them with a sincere heart. That all ended when they beat my Redskins on opening day this year, exposing my grandiloquent predictions to be so much cat shit. Now that my team is clearly cat shit that was eaten and vomited by a dog, I might as well reach up and drag the mediocore Vikings down to hell with me.

Much is being made over the fact that the Vikings run defense is #1 in the league. Commentators would rather turn over the old adage about stopping the run = victory rather than examine these statistics a little more cleverly. That's why I get paid the big pesos.

And you know what? I didn't turn up much to indicate the fucked-upedness of this 4-6 team. Is the run D that good, or is the pass D that bad? They rank 26th in pass yards allowed and are dead last in opponents pass attempts per game. But again, is it because teams can't or won't run, or because the pass D is there to be exploited? Clearly, the Patriots knew what they were doing. The defense TD-INT ratio is solid. Special Teams are middle of the pack across the board.

That leaves the offense, which for most people means Brad Johnson. His 7 TDs-11 INTs is obviously a big problem, and largely responsible for their -5 turnover differential (bottom 25% of league). Rush TDs? 31st in the league. Red Zone TDs? 31st in the league.

So we're starting to get a picture of a middle-pack team, which is reflected in their 4-6 (and falling) record. But why are they so bad, as my gut insists? Oh, now I remember. They have amassed their good run defense & misfiring offense against the chum-bucket of the NFL. The only teams with winning records the Vikes have beaten were the Panthers (reeling and w/out Steve Smith, et al) and the Seahawks (reeling w/out 2005 MVP Alexander).

Their four wins have been against opponents with a combined record (minus loss vs. Vikings) of 17-19 (47%).
Their six losses have been against opponents with a combined record (minus win vs. Vikings) of 23-27 (46%).

Their final six games are against opponents with a combined record of 26-35 (42%).

What does all this prove? The Vikings suck, and not even their easy-cheese schedule can cover that fact.
They are still spending too much time with Proud American strippers (see image).

And now I have a powerful craving for some Kenny Rogers Roasters because ...

In separate news, former "Kramer" actor Michael Richards was being heckled by African-Americans in a comdy club, and responded, "Shut up! Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a fucking fork up your ass ... Throw his ass out! He's a nigger!" He then dropped the n-bomb a dozen more times. This is probably old news to all of you in the USA, but out here in New Mexico, I think it's funny. But this is my point: clearly, the Jews are losing control of the media.

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