Friday, November 24, 2006

Bears Fans Fail to Heed Badcock's Words, Bloody Anarchy In the Streets

To parry a cheap-shot pocket veto by a Bears fan, let me address him before our colleagues. The fellow had the gall to refer to one of my opinions as "incorrect." I know: clearly we're dealing with a looney, despite his oft-repeated claims that his father stormed the beach at Normandy.

I will revisit my August column (, and we'll see who's "incorrect."

"How bad is the NFC North? So bad that ...
the Chicago Bears will be your divisional champion ... The Bears have the EASIEST schedule in the NFL next year, even though they were the #2 seed in last year's playoffs ... This schedule spices up the meat-grinder loaf of NFC North patsies with San Francisco, the Jets and Buffalo. Brutal.
The defense, of course, is very good. The DL and LB may be hiding some holes in the pass defense -- look for teams to catch them over-pursuing and then hit them with the big, deep raunchy gash. They desperately need a quality place kicker because their offense is going to have trouble scoring against the NBA-style D's of Green Bay, Detroit and Arizona ...
Rex Grossman, your starting QB, has a mucho caliente 4-3 record ... over the last three years. His personal record is 3 consecutive starts before breaking in half like a piece of dry shit. Rex "the Delicate Labia" Grossman brings all the class and charisma a 7-time starter should, plus all the intangibles, such as knowing the trainers by name.
When he breaks, the Bears will turn to Brian "the Minor Labia" Griese, a QB so weak he couldn't wrestle the starting job from Jay "the Redundant Labia" Fiedler in Miami.
The O-line is run-block only, and can't be counted on to get the important yards. I GUARANTEE another season of 2,000 plus yards team rushing, yet single-digit rushing TDs [note: as of 11/24, the Bears are tied for 28th in the league with 7 rush TDs].
Hey loyal Bears fans, expect a lot of sacks, INTs and boofball passes from your "passing game." JUST TO MAKE IT CLEAR ONCE MORE: 31st in passing last year and ownership brought in Nobody to improve it. Expect that only your defense will keep you from being laughed out of every game. Expect lots of field goal attempts. Expect to lose to every team over .500 that you face. Expect to win your pathetic division again, because of your yellow-diarrhea schedule and admittedly strong D. You can even expect a first-round buy, again. As soon as you have to play against a team in the playoffs, expect to lose."

I amended my remarks regarding the passing game which has improved under Rex Grossman (18 TD, 11 INT & rating of 83.5 -- just below JP Losman & Mark Fucking Brunnell). But I'm still convinced he will get broken, some time soon.

What am I incorrect about? The Bears have a patsy schedule. They are clearly the best team in their crappy division. But their offense is still middle-of-the-road and it will bite them in the ass come the playoffs.

So enjoy the rest of your "schedule" (easiest in the NFL). After the big game versus the Patriots on November 26th, the Bears face MN, St. Louis, Tampa Bay, Detroit & Green Bay. Wow.

I have only been incorrect about one thing this year -- my firm belief in the Washington Redskins. That was obviously some sort of delusion brought on by eating cactus buttons.


Anonymous said...

"My final prediction? WASHINGTON REDSKINS beat Pittsburgh Steelers."

Although, now that I look at it again, you are incorrect twice there.

So, how good is Tony Romo? Is it just a matter of time before the league gets the book on him?

Badcock said...

Tony Romo is pretty good. No one has really forced him into a terrible game. Someone will eventually.

He has good elusiveness in the pocket (as opposed to Bledsoe) which has allowed him to extend plays.

Romo's success was a factor in Gibbs (finally) starting Campbell.

Yeah yeah, Washington and Pittsburgh. While I was clearly predicting with my heart and not my head, it wasn't so terribly far-fetched on paper. There is nothing I can say in defense of it, so I won't.

The Patriots - Bears will tell us a lot about the Bears. Excited?

Anonymous said...