I Dislike Your Favorite Team: May 2009

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Lakers Vs. Magic

I was wrong when I said this:

"In all the NFL Draft hype and NBA Playoffs hype (which we haven't covered at all, because not a one of us seem to be able to care when we all know that the Final is about 90% certain to be Cleveland vs Lakers, with the Lakers winning in 7)"

Now, it will be Lakers over Magic in no more than 6 games. Big Fucking Yawn. If the Magic win this Final, I'll admit that Unitarianism is the One True Religion.

Howard has enjoyed playing against a guy about his size with 1/4 his mobility--guarded by Bynum and Gasol (and more importantly, having to guard them on defense) is going to find his fun ride over. And Kobe, and much as I hate the guy, is going to destroy the Magic's defensive schemes.

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 12:04 AM 1 comment: Links to this post

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Falco Sings About...Something

Via a friend of mine, enjoy this Falco piece of art, titled "Wiener Blut" or Vienna Blood.

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 11:14 PM No comments: Links to this post

Friday, May 29, 2009

OK, NOW Hip-Hop is Dead

Thanks to these white dummies. By the way, hip-hop was on the verge of making it back from the brink, until this happened:

"I don't speak lines but I spit the facts

28%, the new capital gains tax."

It just couldn't fight that kind of shittiness. It tried, ya'll, it tried. Just remember, these guys did what Vanilla Ice couldn't do, what Christian MC Hammer couldn't do, what fucking Snow couldn't do. They killed hip-hop, and then jacked off on the corpse.

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 11:03 PM No comments: Links to this post

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Calipari Left a Dirty Program That He Ran Just in Time

NCAA is investigating charges that Memphis helped out a guy who is almost certainly Derrick Rose. Helped him by helping him on his SATs, after the fact.

And, certainly, of course, John Calipari hasn't been outright blamed for this shit. He's way too smart for that. (Clem Haskins could have learned a lot from Calipari). So right now, the NCAA is investigating Memphis the Program.

If the allegations are at all accurate, there are no innocent victims here. Memphis knew who they were hiring when they hired Calipari. Calipari set his guidelines for recruiting, and Derrick Rose almost certainly knew what he really scored on the SATs (if Rose is the subject of the inquiry).

But as Pat Forde pointed out--Calipari has always been dancing on the knife's edge of legal. Memphis knew that. Did his recruits know about Calipari's reputation, or did they just know his record, and buy into his promises? It's going to work out fine for Rose, and Tyreke Evans, and for a lot of Memphis players.

Here's the thing that bothers me--if the allegations prove true, if the NCAA hands down sanctions, they may send an angry letter to Calipari, but they will bring the hammer down on Memphis as an institution. Meanwhile, Calipari is in Kentucky, where he can recruit on the strength of reputation and SEC glory, and never dance on the knife edge again. Except that he probably can't help it.

The NCAA will keep their eyes on Kentucky, but the punishment will be where Calipari was, not where he is. He's like a serial eyewitness--a guy who is always on the scene of a murder. Show up too many times, and guess who the cops begin to suspect?

Memphis was probably well on their way to becoming a regular C-USA team, because without the Dancing on Knife's Edge recruiting skills that Calipari brings, they would just sink back down to C-USA normalcy. But now, they might be hit with sanctions. We'll see.

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 1:25 PM No comments: Links to this post

Champions League Final Is Like the Super Bowl of Soccer

Dear ESPN:

When you call The UEFA Champions League Final "The Super Bowl of European Soccer", you sound pretty fucking stupid. I'm not saying you are stupid. You probably are, but I'm not saying that you are.

Don't do us any favors, and dumb down soccer coverage so the guys who are waiting for NBA Semi-Finals coverage won't turn the channel. Hey, you know what The UEFA Champions League Final is like? It is like the final of the Biggest, Most Watched Tournament In Europe.

Or you could say, "Imagine that Canada and Mexico both had Professional Football Leagues as respected and tough as the NFL. Imagine they had had those leagues for a hundred years. Imagine that players of American extraction moved to Mexico or Canada not because of old tired knees, or because of Pot Smoking Troubles, but because the money was better. Imagine that Adrian Peterson was playing for The Mexico City Mayans. Then imagine that throughout the year, weekends were held in reserve for the Top 4 Teams from each country to play in a 6-month long tournament. Imagine that Final Game. That's the Champion's League Final."

I love the Super Bowl, but last time I checked, it doesn't cross international borders. And most of the players are from the US.

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 11:01 AM No comments: Links to this post

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Because Dick Bremer Asked The Question

Bert Blyleven scored 19 runs in his 22 year career--14 runs in his 19 years in the AL and 5 more in his 3 years in the NL.

He reached his 19 runs by 1979.

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 8:17 PM No comments: Links to this post

How To With Paul Scholes: Late Game Cheap Shot

Paul Scholes came in late (76th minute) in the Champions League Final, and managed to get a Yellow Card in the 80th minute. That's not necessarily easy to do. So hey, kids, let's show you how you do that.

Photo 1: Already well on its way to a Yellow Card. You'll see Barcelona midfielder Sergio Busquets has already played the ball away (left corner of the photo), as Scholes is just beginning his slide. He'd have a hard time arguing that he was going for the ball, yes? Also, note that his trailing leg (left leg here) looks like it is going to be in the traditional place--tucked behind him like a baserunner sliding into second.

Photo 2: Followthrough. The left leg has not tucked in like it is supposed to. Scholes has already stopped the foward movement of Busquets left leg and is now moving into what is called a "scissors" tackle. I knew a guy in high school who called it a "Woodbridge Tackle", but I think that's because he had a beef with a team from Woodbridge, VA.

Photo 3: Finish him! The look of agony on Busquets' face is not necessarily an overly dramatic European getting barely knocked. He is pretty lucky that his cleat is off the ground--if he were dug in, ligament damage would be probable. A broken bone (shin?) wouldn't be out of the question. This isn't even looking much like a botched slide anymore--Scholes is torquing his body around, and looking to get as good of a hit as he can get. A very cheap shot indeed, and not very far away from a possible Red Card.

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 7:53 PM 2 comments: Links to this post

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Adios to the 2009 IPL

I may be the only person on this blog that cares at all about cricket, but it would be remiss of me to let the completion of one of the biggest tournaments pass me by without comment.

On Sunday the Deccan Chargers defended their modest total of 143, holding the Royal Challengers Bangalore to 137 and taking the IPL trophy for 2009. Despite not really caring who won, it was an inspiring game to watch, filled with players who genuinely wanted to win, and not just for the $1 million USD prize money.

For those who don't know, the Indian Premier League (that's right kids, the IPL) is a big cricket tournament that started last year and involves some of the biggest international cricketeters playing alongside each other. Say you were to take an NBA All-Star game, then divide up all the players and assign them randomly to teams in a foreign country that worships basketball and everything it stands for. That's pretty much what the IPL does using international cricketers, Indian cricket clubs, and throngs of rabid Indian cricket fans.

There were a few snags on the build up to the tournament. There was this little hiccup in Mumbai got people thinking maybe it wasn't the best time to host a worldwide spectacle in India. Surprisingly it wasn't until gunmen actually attacked Sri Lankan players in Pakistan less than two months before the start of the tournament that they changed the venue to South Africa. And even though the fans weren't quite as fanatical, and it was cold as hell in Bloemfontein, 59 games in 5 weeks is enough cricket to satisfy anyone's appetite.

The first couple weeks felt a little pale compared to last year. South Africans on the whole are a a somewhat reserved bunch, and it took some time before they really got into the spirit of things. Without the atmosphere, the games weren't all that exciting, even close ones. But, after a while you start getting behind players and teams, or at least rooting for some people to lose. One thing I did notice, I have no love for Graham Smith (only one 6 in 12 games, are you kidding me?) when he's not playing for the Proteas, and even a few years after retirement from Australia, Shane Warne is still an ass.

Once the fans got into it, and the teams started jockeying for spots in the top four to get into the semis, it was actually a lot of fun to watch. Fun that the over 35 crowd did amazingly well (Hayden, Gilchrist, Kumble), and fun when the underdogs finally managed to win a game. The final was the ultimate crescendo. Defending a low total makes every run that much more exciting, and in the end it was losing too many wickets that let down the RCB. That's two years running where the winning team also happened to boast the highest wicket taker. Fancy that.

I think what I like best about the IPL is that it packs so much into so little time. You're bound to get some really great matches when they're playing 59 of them in rapid succession, and this year's best was by far the final. DC were incredible in the field, taking some great catches and keeping the pressure on RCB for the full 20 overs. Plus, getting the chance to root for the few Australian players I actually like feels natural when they're not wearing their national colors.

Adios, IPL. See you again next year. Until then, I'll just have to move on to the T20 World Cup. My prediction? India wins for sure.

New Supreme Court Nominee

The Obama Administration issued talking points about the nomination of Sonia Sotomayor to become the new Supreme Court Justice are quite good. Presumably, Obama and his staff have been working on them for quite awhile.

I like the way they have not just fought off the whisper campaign. Sotomayor's got a hell of a story, and would seem to fit quite nicely with the President's own aspirational, meritocracy-based rhetoric, personal story, and beliefs:

"Born to a Puerto Rican family, Judge Sotomayor grew up in a public housing project in the South Bronx. Driven by her mother's belief in the power of education and her own indefatigable work ethic, Sotomayor excelled in school, graduating as valedictorian of her high school class and winning a scholarship to Princeton University. After graduating summa cum laude, and Phi Beta Kappa, she entered Yale Law School, where she served as an editor of the Yale Law Journal."

But there is something in Sotomayor's resume that the Obama people dropped the ball on--She Saved Baseball!

Kids, the summer of 1994 right through to the spring of 1995 was a troubling time. America was invaded by foreign hordes, conducting some nationalist based pseudo-religious event that they believed occurred on a quadrennial basis--"Cup of the World", or something.

Shortly thereafter (and thus, possibly connected), Major League Baseball players went on strike. They did so in the middle of momentous season, with many wonders and portents nearing completion. Bud Selig, who even back then looked (and behaved) like a used coffin salesman, canceled the rest of the 1994 season.

The offseason months were full of government officials attempting to help end the impasse and failing. Congress had bills; President Clinton demanded more talks between the sides. On March 27, the players filed an unfair labor practices report with the National Labor Relations Board. The District Court judge assigned to look it over? Sonia Sotomayor! Her issued injunction against the ownership paved the way for the 1995 season that was shortened, but played with actual major league talent (and not the replacement players the owners had planned to attempt to use).

Writes Neil A. Lewis in the New York Times:

"She [Sotomayor] ended a long baseball strike that year, briskly ruling against the owners in favor of the players. The owners were trying to subvert the labor system, she said, and the strike had “placed the entire concept of collective bargaining on trial.”

After play resumed, The Philadelphia Inquirer wrote that by saving the season, Judge Sotomayor joined forever the ranks of Joe DiMaggio, Willie Mays, Jackie Robinson and Ted Williams. The Chicago Sun-Times said she “delivered a wicked fastball” to baseball owners and emerged as one of the most inspiring figures in the history of the sport.

So, President Obama and team--you've basically nominated Willie Mays. How about reaching out to the Dumb Americans Who Don't Read News a Whole Lot, and get them to get behind Sonia Sotomayor as The Woman Who Saved Baseball?

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 9:03 AM No comments: Links to this post

Monday, May 25, 2009

A Brief Discussion of the Twins Sweep of the Brewers

As anyone who was watching Sunday Night Baseball on ESPN tonight knows, the Twins completed a three game sweep of the Brewers tonight. A good chunk of the country was probably sitting there wondering, "Why is this the Sunday Night game on ESPN?" Fuck you, Coast-Dwelling people--the baseball world doesn't revolve around you.

Other folks, who keep an eye on the Central standings, in both the AL and NL, may have been surprised not just by the sweep, but by the dominance of the Twins. After all, the Brewers came into this series with a pretty healthy lead in the NL Central, and the Twins were a few games below .500.

So it is understandable that Brewers fans might be surprised that the Twins had a lead of at least 4 runs going into the 9th inning of every game in this stand. They outscored the Brewers 23-8 over three games. That's holding the Brewers, with their mighty power hitting, to an average of less than 3 runs per game. One could argue that the number is a little inflated actually, as the Twins sent out Sunday's starter Scotty Baker in the 9th inning, hoping to give him a complete game. Baker gave up a two run blast in the 9th, courtesy of "Fat Boy" Prince Fielder, before being replaced by Twitchy Joe Nathan, who promptly shut the door.

Now, we could point to some explanations of how the Brewers got swept--one could look at the starting pitching--every Twins pitcher in the series completed at least 7 innings--no Brewer starter did. Or maybe you would like to look at a comparison of the Ryan Braun & Prince Fielder vs. the Joe Maurer and Justin Mourneau. And there wasn't a comparison--the Minnesota power hitters came through, and the Brewers hitters were handcuffed the entire series. Ryan Braun, for example, had 1 RBI in three games.

But what I'd like to focus on, and what worries me a bit, is the fact that the Twins did this without any help, zero help, in fact, from the bottom of their batting order. It's great that they can get wins this way, or even dominate a team doing this, but when you see that one team outscored another team 23-8, you might be within your rights to expect production from unexpected sources, ala the bottom three of the batting order.

To me, the most shocking aspect of the sweep is how awful the bottom three hitters for Minnesota were. Let's be reasonable, people--you score almost eight runs per game in a series, you expect production from everywhere, and in this instance, it just wasn't the case.

The Twins' bottom three (which over the course of three games was a rotating crew of the same 5 guys, each playing no more than two games--Carlos Gomez, Matt Tolbert, Nick Punto, Brendan Harris, and Delmon Young) combined to go 2-31. 2-31! With all of 3 walks. In last night's game, the bottom three went 0-10! And yet the Twins won comfortably.

Sooner or later, that lack of production from the bottom of the order is going to hurt the Twins. And I'd like to send a special "fuck you" to Nick Punto, who in two games, went 0-4 with 2 walks, because he attempted to slide into first on possible infield hits. God damn you, Nick Punto, sliding into first isn't faster than legging it out!

Also, Kudos to The Black Freighter, who predicted that Anthony Swarzak would play a role for the Twins this year. TBF made his prediction back in early April--Swarzack went 7 innings deep against the Brewers on Saturday, giving up 5 hits and no runs.

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 12:48 AM 1 comment: Links to this post

Saturday, May 23, 2009

That's Surprising: Joe Maurer

Apparently, moving him to the 2 spot guarantees at least 10 runs, and possibly as many as 20. Even if he goes hitless with a couple of walks.

I knew Joe Maurer was good, but that good? That's surprising.

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 12:09 AM No comments: Links to this post

Friday, May 22, 2009

Homeless World Cup

Homeless World Cup--the idea sounds ridiculous at first read, but it actually sounds like a pretty great program--grow awareness, and the studies are suggesting that a regular physical routine actually helps get people to transition off the street and back into a more functional level of societal interaction.

Jody Pollock, at Next American City says, "The Homeless World Cup, an annual, international soccer (football) tournament with grassroots football programs for the homeless in over 70 nations, reports improvements across the board in motivation, social relations, employment, housing and drug and alcohol dependency since its first game in Graz, Austria in 2003. Their roughly 70% success rate in significant life changes is unparalleled in most social inclusion projects, which normally experience a rate of around 30%, says Kat Byles, communications and media director for the Homeless World Cup."

While helping the players, it also helps refocus the greater population, and kind of forces them to see the homeless not just as a problem, but people, and in fact, important in their community. Pollock continues: "For the around 100,000 spectators who attended the 2007 championship in Copenhagen, and for the hundreds more who attend other local or national games, the tournaments are coming to redefine public opinion on what it means to be homeless. Hands on hearts, belting national anthems, cheered by thousands, the players become heroes – 'a very different place from where they first begin the journey, ignored, or worse, even spat at on the streets,' says [Kat] Byles [communications and media director for the Homeless World Cup]."

Just a really cool idea, and an excellent write-up of it, and other sports based programming for those in poverty. Check out the rest of the article here.

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 1:12 PM 1 comment: Links to this post

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Timberwolves Have a New GM

David Kahn!

And the mainstream press reaction is mostly negative. The main reason seems to be that Kahn was not the Wolves first choice. Shockingly, the borderline comedic antics of the Wolves over the past few years hasn't been the recipe for drawing in First Choices. Or Second Choices. Or possibly Third Choices. Also, Kahn hasn't been in the NBA for a number of years, unless you count the NBDL.

Wolves beat writer Jerry Zgoda describes Kahn thusly: "a former Portland, Ore., newspaper columnist and NBA national writer turned lawyer who last worked full time in the NBA in 2002."

Old Man Sid Hartman also points out the lack of first choice factor. But he "knows" that Kahn will "offer" the job of coach to McHale, but McHale will probably "refuse" it. Of course, to prove Hartman wrong, it would take some sort of public urination on McHale to refute his version. Of course, McHale won't be back, and of course they will go through some public show of having him retire or some such thing.

Souhan says, "Kahn brings ... what? A close, personal relationship with commissioner David Stern?"

Zgoda seems to hedge on the idea that Kahn was a last minute pick: "Kahn appeared to be one of the top candidates more than two weeks ago, but Taylor and Wolves CEO Rob Moor turned last week to Portland assistant general manager Tom Penn. The Wolves resumed discussions with Kahn shortly after Penn turned down the job Monday. San Antonio assistant GM Dennis Lindsey and former Miami GM Randy Pfund also interviewed but withdrew." It appears Kahn has always been on the Wolves' radar. Maybe he was a safety school, I don't know.

Those are Strib columnists who are quickly pooping on Kahn. But what of the Twin Cities other "newspaper", The Pioneer Press. Shockingly, against all odds, a reasonable, unreactionary argument seems to be coming from stupid fat fuck Tom Powers, who noted that Kahn wasn't the first choice but says, "here's what Kahn brings to the table: business savvy, a close relationship with commissioner David Stern, an abundance of connections from his days with the Pacers and in the development league, and experience in virtually every level of basketball operations. The other candidates were basketball men. Kahn is a businessman with particular expertise in the field of basketball. I'll bet this turns out to be a good hire."

God, this feels weird for me to say, but I'm inclined to side with Tom Powers, even if he is a stupid fat fuck. And even though he also hits upon the whole "Three other guys turned down the Wolves" meme, which doesn't seem entirely fair.

That said, I don't know shit about the pluses and minuses of management. I agree with Powers that having a GM who has spent some significant time with the NBDL isn't a bad thing--he could have a pipeline to some serious diamonds in the rough. Also, whilst everyone at the Star Tribune has been harping on the fact that Kahn hasn't had a management position with an NBA team since 2002, it seems only fair to mention that Kevin McHale has a position in management all those years, gaining experience, getting smarter, in theory, and it didn't help the Wolves a whole lot. The Joe Smith affair? Giving T-Hud the fucking store? Trading away a first round pick to pay big money to Marko Jaric? Trading the rights to Brandon Roy? All those things happened with an experienced NBA veteran who had been in the front office since before Kevin Garnett was drafted, 13 years ago. If there is a franchise in the world who should give less than two shits about number of recent undistinguished years of service to the NBA, it is the Wolves.

All of said, I stand by my thesis from the previous paragraph--I don't know shit about management. I'll reserve my opinion on Kahn--KAAAAAAHHHNNN!--until the best Wolves writer in the country, Britt Robson, weighs in.

update: Britt has weighed in. He's taking a wait and see attitude, which seems about right. For the truly obsessive, he's also got David Kahn's press conference transcript.

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 8:21 PM No comments: Links to this post

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Weird NBA Mock Drafts

I should say, weird from the perspective of a Timberwolves fan. That's the team I follow (feel free to take a moment to feel a pang of pity) and they are also going to be a busy team on draft day. Three picks in the first round, two more in the second, with some clearly defined needs (lmost obviously, center). In fact, things haven't changed much since last year, when I said that Al Jefferson was the only obvious starter at his position. Everyone else looks like a great substitute, but not necessarily a starter of winning team.

There seems to be a feeling percolating throughout the NBA, quite rightly, that the Wolves will probably be looking to trade some picks--carrying five rookies into a season seems like a lot, and it isn't like the Wolves won't be needing some help in the draft next year regardless of how sneaky they are in this offseason. Of course, without a General Manager in place yet, there may be a limit to how much wheeling and dealing they are going to be able to do in the next few weeks.

Regardless, no mock draft can predict what kind of trades might occur, so they have to go with the picks as they stand--in the Wolves case, we are talking about pick numbers 6, 18, and 28.

Here's the part that bothers me--it seems clear that some of the Mock Drafts available online seem to have just plugged in the best player available without much of a look at an overall strategy.

Consider HoopsHype--the Wolves have 3 picks in the first round, and will spend them all on guards, including the entire backcourt of UCLA? Hype has James Harden going 6, Jrue Holiday at 18, and Darren Collison at 28. I don't anything against any of those players in particular, but there is simply no way anyone could justify taking 2 point guards in 5 picks, could they?

DraftExpress has the same picks. It is strange, I tells you...passing strange.

InsideHoops has the Wolves taking 3 players under 6' 8", with awfully young Demar DeRozan the tallest of the bunch. No one loves Eric Maynor's game more than I do, but why would the Wolves take both him and Darren Collison?

CollegeHoops.net has the Wolves taking Harden and Maynor (there seems to be rotating series of choices here) and an outlier at 28--Gonzaga's skinny tall guy, Austin Daye.

Tom Ziller of NBA Fanhouse has the Wolves, at #28, passing up on a 7 footer in BJ Mullins to take Jeff Pendergraph, an undersized power forward who plays sloppy defense? We got all of that taken care of with Kevin Love last year! (of course, Ziller also has Tyler Hansborough going #25, so caveat emptor there regardless) Also, I'm totally kidding about K-Love--he was a happy surprise his rookie year. I'm not sure how much higher his ceiling was, but he had a great rookie year.

I'll give Chad Ford credit: out of the all the Mock Drafts I've looked at--which include many more than what I've mentioned above--he makes some sense. He uses the Wolves picks in a way that seems to have some internal logic--pick one, small forward (DeRozan); second pick, go big (BJ Mullins); third pick, point guard and dynamo in Paddy Mills.

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 8:13 PM No comments: Links to this post

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

5 Out of 8 Star Tribune Readers Enjoy Racism

Watch how easily this happens, it's fun.

Star Tribune publishes an AP story about Pittsburgh defensive badass James Harrison isn't going to the White House with the rest of the Steelers. The article quotes Harrison's statement to a local Pittsburgh TV station: "'I don't feel the need to go, actually,' Harrison told Pittsburgh station WTAE-TV. 'I don't feel like it's that big a deal to me.'"

The article goes on to mention that Harrison didn't go to The White House the last time Pittsburgh won the Super Bowl. And that he is known for being a bit of a sullen individualist.

Fair enough. A little odd, maybe, but that's Harrison's call. Maybe he doesn't like big public gatherings in fancy places. That's fine. It isn't an insult to anybody, nor does it hurt anybody. It's something Harrison has chosen to do.

First Star Tribune commenter out of the gate takes an odd story, and runs it through his racist perception machine, and out pops this bullshit (and please note the 5 out of 8 approval):

What an ignorant clown!

He's just too dumb to know any better. Probably busy dogfighting or shooting craps that day. Typical...

posted by Oglethorpe on May 18, 09 at 8:58 pm |

Congratulations, 5 out of 8 people who liked this comment. You're racist, too!

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 9:09 AM No comments: Links to this post

Monday, May 18, 2009

Do You Enjoy Puns Based On Soda Brands?

If you do enjoy puns based on sodas, then did Chris Berman deliver the goods in the top of the 8th inning of the Yankees-Twins tilt.

Yankees left-handed reliever Phil Coke (get it? COKE! COKE! ) came in to pitch to one guy--Justin Morneau. From the time Coke walked onto to the field to the time he left after retiring Morneau (again, one guy) Chris Berman referenced Coca-Cola products enough times to make you wonder whether he is on retainer.

This included:

-A reference to rum and coke (where they came from, aside from Berman's id, I'm unsure)

-A reminder that Coke is preferably served cold. "Can't drink that stuff warm," Berman opined. "No," agreed Orel Hersheiser. Scintillating!

-As Coke was walking in, Berman asked, "But will it be a Coke Zero?" (Huh?)

-After getting Morneau out, Berman exclaimed, "A Coke Classic!"

What, no jokes about smelting iron ore?

Unfortunately, Phil Coke came back out for the 9th, and Berman had blown his wad of references from the Coke family of products.

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 7:16 PM 2 comments: Links to this post

Friday, May 15, 2009

Pros Vs. Joes: The Interview: Nafie Pollard

You may or may not remember Nafie Pollard from the second episode of this season's Pros vs. Joes. Actually, the only way you don't remember him is if you didn't watch the episode. As I wrote previously, Nafie is the guy who looked like just a huge, crazy motherfucker, until Simeon Rice walked out, and was clearly more huge, and maybe crazier. Nafie was awesome. He got into it with Rice, and when Rice piledrived him, Nafie jumped up, laughing and yelling. AWESOME.

Here's one way to meet Nafie--you can watch his compilation audition video. You will learn that he is a big man, with access to what should be a rooftop Miniature Golf Course, but has instead become just a place for Nafie to run suicides. Waste of rooftop, Mr. Pollard.

Here's the other way to meet him--via our interview. Interview begins....NOW:

First of all--I thought I'd get a bit more of an idea of your background--high school/college. Were you focused exclusively on football, or did you play other sports as well?

I am a 25 year old Fitness Trainer at Pollard Fitness. I'm from MA but now in reside in NY.

I played football and b-ball in high school. Went to prep school (Bridgton Academy) where I played football. After graduating I got recruited to go to some big schools out of Dean Junior College. I then went on to go to Marshall University. I left MU because I was a unfoucsed party animal. I then went on to Fitchburg State College in MA where I helped take the first conference title.

Our blog talks alot about being fans of particular teams (and disliking certain teams). What were your childhood favorite teams and favorite players? Anyone you just couldn't stand, or can't stand now?

Growing up I loooved Barry Sanders, for all the obvious reasons: alertness, speed, strength, and style. He was not a huge guy but he had skill and poise during the chaos of guys twice his size trying to pop his head off--Mike Vick is the next best impact player I admire. Ricky Willams in college was a God to me. Ray Lewis is a machine!

I also have a few questions about the new format of Pros vs. Joes. Did you know going in that they were going to fiddle around with the format as much as they did? When did you know you were going to be doing nothing but football? Were you happy about it, or did you want to be doing other sports, too?

Believe it or not but I never even watched a full episode of PVJ until now, because I thought the format was kinda wack and onesided. I felt that if the Joes were required to be multisport competitors then the pros should be as well in some sort of way. The Joes were actually more interesting to watch than the

Pros because I looked as if with practice they themselves could become a Pro.

(Big Blue Monkey note: Please see Season 1, where they made Clyde Drexler ice skate. Still my favorite moment of the entire series)

How did you feel about the Team aspect of it?

Key and collin are really cool down to Earth guys. It was an honor to play with them. We all had butterflies from being in proximity to our idols but we still kick ass and had a blast! Key was talking alot of trash to get us pumped up and it was working. I love that guy, very funny.

Now, of course, I gotta ask you about that exchange with Simeon Rice. When you were first introduced, I thought, "Damn, this show isn't fucking around anymore--that's a big Joe right there. And then Simeon Rice came out, and it really drove home how big he is.

So, when you two were wrestling, was there a moment when you thought, "Whoa, this dude is strong." I know you are a professional trainer, so you are used to working with strong people, but was Rice like anyone else in your experience?

The Simeon Rice head drop: Yes! I started the scuffle when I hip tossed Rice and simply put, I got picked up

and dropped on my fuckin dome piece!!! HAHAHA Sooo awesome I love Rice. He is cool and loves the game. He is the Real Deal.

Notice however, after the head drop I got up laughed at him and then proceeded to run by him the next play with a sweet spin move. I knew that he was thinking "What the Fuck, how did he get up from that and I can't believe that im being laughed at by this punk..."

The editing made it seem like I was down for the count and hushed afterwards but in fact I went on to make

more plays and kept up the shit talking.

Given the chance, would you like to go again on PvJ?

I'd love to do something like that again. I'm glad to know that America was entertained. Rice, McNair, and Brown are class acts. It was a pleasure!

Thanks to Nafie, for taking the time to discuss PvJ with us!

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 10:27 PM 1 comment: Links to this post

Thursday, May 14, 2009

An Open Letter to the Guy at SoccerExpress

First of all, let me just say that SoccerExpress, I like your store. Particularly the one in St. Paul, because that's the one I go to.

Secondly, kudos to the guy who works at SoccerExpress who I'm about to complain about. As soon as he heard me talk, he directed me to the Extra Special Discounted Shoes. Had I found the Pumas in size 10, I may have taken them. (And actually spent more money than I did on the perfectly acceptable, not on sale Diadoras (I'm a Diadora Man, at heart, dammit!)). Again, the guy behind the counter was helpful, but not intrusive, and I appreciated that, as I had come from a full day of work, and I'm pretty sure my feet stank. Thank you sir, for giving me the shoes I wanted, and getting the way out of the funk. I would have felt bad for you otherwise.

Also, you were quite helpful in directing me to the shorts. It is quite conceivable I was on my way to buying a pair of large youth shorts if not for your kindly directions.

So why am I writing a public letter to you? To thank you for your kindly service? Phht. If you think that, sir, you don't know me at all. NOT AT ALL! No really, you don't. Not your fault--we hadn't met before today.

Which perhaps explains how you failed to put together my story of joining a team thanks to a guy I know who is 10 years my junior. Perhaps you failed to note the gray hairs that streak the middle of my head. Or my paunch.

For whatever reason, you decided I was a good person to complain to about how your team got screwed last year, because they only fielded 8 players, and despite being the most talented team on the pitch, week in and week out, found themselves beat by "a bunch of dudes in their 30's".

I let the first one go by, friendly counter guy. I thought maybe you thought we were about the same age. But then you referred to yourself and your buddies as "Guys my age." Thus demonstrating that you knew we were not the same age. And yet again and again you denigrated the abilities of "Dudes in their 30's".

Um, hey, man--I'm a Dude in my 30's. Stop talking shit about us. Let me quote you (and you are not wrong, especially in my case, which makes it sting all the more), "You know, we were going out there with 8 guys, and their team had 16 guys, and these dudes in their 30's, they got tired quicker, and they weren't as good as us, but we just didn't have any subs, and we played short-handed all game. So they beat us, 1-0! That's it! They were three men up all game, and these dudes in their 30's beat us 1-0!"

FUCK YOU, Counter-Dude from SoccerExpress. I'm not a violent man by nature, and my lack on the aggressiveness on the pitch is one of the things that made me not a great player. I know that. But, guy from SoccerExpress, I may make an exception in your case. To quote the great Irishman (not great Irish soccer player. Great Irishman--in his 30's!) Roy Keane, "See you on the pitch."

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 10:19 PM 2 comments: Links to this post

Dear Coaches Charged With Screwing Your Players

Here's something you probably shouldn't say, as ably demonstrated [allegedly] by Eric Darwitz, coach of Shattuck-St. Mary's in Faribault, MN.

Let's be clear--I don't think it is right to give 16 year old girls liquor and then have sex with them. According to the police, Darwitz did admit to having sex with one of the girls, couldn't remember if he had sex with the other (nice touch, Eric!), and knew both were 16 at the time. That is bad enough.

This is what you don't want to your follow-up quote to be. You do NOT want. I can't emphasize that enough. After admitting you fed a couple of teenage girls a drink or two and maybe had both of them go down on you at the same time, don't tell police that you see yourself as "a father figure and a big brother" to them.

Creepy choice of words, Eric Darwitz. Oh, and for all you women's hockey fans out there, the Star Tribune is happy to answer your about-to be-asked-question: yes, he is related to Olympic hockey star Natalie Darwitz! First cousins. (Just be glad you aren't his little sister, Natalie!)

Remember: don't say "Father Figure". You sound like George Michael (not the one with SportsMachine)

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 3:06 PM 2 comments: Links to this post

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Fans of the Game, Bert Blyleven Says "Get a Room"

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 9:38 PM 1 comment: Links to this post

Pros Vs. Joes All Stars, Episode 3

After two episodes, I already pretty convinced the new team concept works much better for football than basketball. This episode gives me a chance to rethink that, maybe. We shall see. I'm not going to do what Pros vs. Joes does, and give you all the names of the Joes without any context, and then show clips of the Pros, all in the first two minutes. That's a fucking stupid intro, Pros Vs. Joes Editors and Producers.

Let's meet our Joes first.

Edward Bryan, Veteran, Army Reservist from Morrow, GA. He's not to blame for Jay Glazer's shitty intro, "He's here to show he can defend the paint as well as he defended our country." So, extending that metaphor, Jay, are you going to have him attack some innocent basketball court thousands of miles away, and call that defending the paint? POLITICAL SNAP!

David Kalb, beat LeBron James in a game of H.O.R.S.E. He's from the made-up-sounding town of Bucyrus, OH.

Lazarius "Zeke" Coleman, former MVP at Savannah State University, and the biggest Joe on the court at 6' 8"

Now, here comes the Pros!

Antoine Walker. Hey, a former Timberwolf. That's a good sign, Joes. And yes, he's in the Top 10 of made 3-pointers, but good lord, he missed a lot, too. Another way of putting that could have been--"A career percentage of 32% from the 3-Point Line! Which is 13% worse than Steve Kerr!" Still, he's scarier than some current Timberwolves (I'm looking at you, Mark Madsen!)

Robert Horry. Oh my god, my least favorite Pro ever, maybe. He was some mean to that poor Steve Nash.

Alonzo "Fresh Kidney" Mourning! One of my favorite big men (Georgetown bias, sorry). Suddenly, the tallest Joe is the fourth biggest guy on the court.

Just like last time, we've got three challenges, that are in theory 3 vs. 3. We'll see how close that is to being true.

Challenge 1: In Your Face

Alonzo challenge! Joes are on the perimeter, Zo in the paint. Whichever Joe crosses the 3 point line with the ball has to enter the paint to shoot. Each basket, one point. Each block, one point for Zo. Quickest to 3 points wins. Forcing them to go into the paint hurts the Joes. I'll take Zo. Zo takes two possessions to get a block. 3rd attempt, he fouls Joe Zeke, who tells him, "I'm going to dunk on you, Zo." From the look in Zo's eyes, that was the wrong thing to say. What will happen in the battle of the men with nicknames that start with Z? Attempts 4, 5, 6 are all Zeke running into Zo, including a charge. Kalb hits fadeaway to tie it. Kalb hits a runner--he looks like the guy who can win this. Zeke hits a shot, eventually, by using a jab step at the line. Joes win. Making Zo block the shot for a point turned out to be a difficult step. Alonzo is supremely pissed off, though. [Foreshadowing? Yes. Yes it is.]

Challenge 2: Buzzer Beater

Each team gets 5 attempts--each attempt is made up of 8 seconds--5 to inbound, 3 to get the shot off. Highest score wins. This is a true 3 vs. 3 challenge. Jay Glazer uses this challenge to lick a little Horry ass.

Pros are no good on first one, despite open look for Antoine. It should be noted that Zeke fouled Zo the first time through. On the second attempt, he fouls him again, but it is not called this time. Zo says something about, "if you ain't going to call a foul, I'll MAKE you call a foul." That sounds ominous. Attempt 3--Mourning scores pretty easily. Attempt 4, Antoine Walker hits a deep three. Attempt 5, they miss, but something annoys Mourning, because he ropes an arm around Zeke's neck and says something to him, real quiet, but bleepy like. Five total points. Commercial Break to Break the Tension!

Joes are up now. Horrible defense from Antoine leads to deep 2's from Zeke and Dave Kalb. Zeke hits another shot--3 pointer! They win! Another 3 points for the final game.

Challenge 3: J.O.E. (Quicker H.O.R.S.E)

David Kalb vs. Antoine Walker. Only one dunk allowd. Kalb is a fucking HORSE specialist. Joes should be up 9 before everything is said and done. Did you watch the clip up top? Where he beat LeBron in HORSE? Kalb practices, and hits, weird shots for fun. There's a third Joe, playing right? We haven't seen him do anything yet.

Shocker! Antoine Walker wins, with a hook shot, a dunk, and a shot from out of bounds. David may have gone with shots that were a little too tricky. Pros go into the final game down six points.

FINAL GAME 5 minute period, half court. :15 second shot clock.

Again, like both of the previous weeks, I feel like far too much time is being spent on the final game. It's a short game, and we're taking 25 minutes to cover it? Jesus Christ. How many replays of Antoine "Baby Huey" Walker taking the "jump" out of "jumpshot" do I need to see?

Quick Observation: If Jay Glazer were another animal, besides a human, he'd be a great armadillo.

Let's go! Shot block from Walker? Waaa? Joes on 4-0 run. Mourning scores the first two for the Pros, and he's looking pissed, still. Joes, particularly David Kalb, are grabbing offensive boards everywhere. Zeke hits a 3, and it's 13-2, and it's on! Quick 5 point run from the Pros. They are also beginning to hustle on defense and the boards a bit more. Third Joe Sighting! Edward Bryant grabs a board, puts up an ill-advised shot. Antoine grabs, the board, takes it past the 3 point line, and attempts an alley-oop pass to Zo, but it accidently goes in on its own. 13-10! This is the first time in my life I've rooted for a team that had Robert Horry on it. I don't feel particularly clean at this moment.

2:20 left on the clock, Joe ball. Kalb keeps boarding and driving. Though, it is hard to argue that he isn't a little intimidated when Walker gets in his face after a free throw. Please see picture!

A hit free throw, some traded baskets, and we are at 16-12. Easy basket and foul for Zo. It's 16-15. By the way, we're at a little more than a minute of game time left. That means it has taken more than 15 minutes of airtime to cover less than 4 minutes of gametime. Fellas, the NFL moves faster than this. Oh, and another commercial. Splendid!

We're back and after some nothing, some actual nice passes from the Pros, Zo puts the Pros up 18-16. He clearly feels that he's been fouled every single possession, and he might be right. Oh, and Horry is fouled. Game over.

All in all, that was a much better basketball episode than the first one. The key to a good episode, I think, is having a Joe genuinely piss off a Pro. And I think the lads at Spike know this. Keep it coming!

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 7:42 PM 2 comments: Links to this post

Patrick Reusse, in a Spot on Satire of Himself

Apparently, during a week which saw countless Favre rumors, some Timberwolf GM rumors, and the Fishing Opener (you may have to live in the Minnesota/Wisconsin are to truly appreciate the importance of that), Patrick Reusse passed over all of those topics for his Sunday column.

Indeed, truly important things were afoot--plans for a 9 hole Frisbee Golf Course in Patrick's local park. Or, put another way--almost literally, "Hey kids, stay off of my [extended, publicly owned] lawn."

This is a hard column to believe, even for someone like me, who is all too familiar with Reusse's "work".

The subhead of the column explains for us what kind of jerks these disc-golfers are: "Walter J. Sochacki Community Park, a beautiful spot in the Twin Cities, is getting cleared out so that 20-somethings with Frisbees can move in." Except that I, and many many many people who commented on the article can attest--lots of over 25 years old play that particular game. And even if they didn't, so what? Do public parks have to cater only to old fat men who write for newspapers? Is that their stated goal? I'm not a huge proponent of Disc Golf, by the way. I play it maybe 4 or 5 times a year, and this is the first time I've ever written about it on this blog. But something about Reusse makes me want to defend it to the bloody end.

Consider this thoughtful, fair-minded and totally based-on-facts presentation of the what led the city of Robbinsdale to create a new course at Walter J. Sochaki Park (emphasis mine):

Most of the 37 acres sit west of the railroad track that runs north-south through Robbinsdale. Sochacki connects with Mary Hills Nature Area at its southern border with Golden Valley, and that adds another 14 acres of ponds, trees, brush and gulleys to serve wildlife and people searching for a sanctuary...Soon, the young ones will be warned to remain attentive so as not to get hit in the face with a Frisbee...The city of Robbinsdale is about to defile an urban treasure in order to claim the kingly sum of $1,900. That's what was handed over when School District 281 (Robbinsdale, et al.) couldn't figure out what to do with the chump change for "lifelong outdoor recreation activities" that remained from a large grant.

Star-Tribune commenters are a crazy bunch, but the group that responded to this article seem for the most part, pretty reasonable, even as they poke hole after hole in Reusse's account. Quite a few report that the park is overgrown with buckthorn and other invasive species. Part of the whole goal of the course is to get rid of some of the overly aggressive underbrush.

Oh, and it should be noted that Reusse has a problem with the very term "disc golf". It's Frisbee Golf, dammit. Except (as Reusse implicitly acknowledges later in his column when he mentions Innova discs) Frisbee is a brand name. Discs are not all made by Frisbee, especially the ones used for disc golf.

And it wouldn't be Fatty Patty if he didn't use the occasion to knock soccer, for no fucking reason at all. Calling it "disc golf" you see, isn't about having an accurate name--it is to separate the elitist players from the riff-raff, Blue-Collar, all American Joes that Reusse represents: "That's the name the aficionados have given to Frisbee golf -- much like American soccer weenies refer to futbol."

Oh, fuck you, Patrick. Soccer is called Futbol or football everywhere in the world--because it is played with the feet. How could that be any simpler? Do you not like it because it sounds too much like America Football, a game so poorly named that the only people who use their feet in contact with the ball are the punter and place kicker? How fucked tired is that supposed riposte? People playing with discs aren't going to hurt anyone. People calling them discs aren't going to hurt anyone. People who call soccer "futbol" aren't going to hurt anyone. Responding to imaginary threats against his lifestyle--that's what Patrick Reusse does best. Because that is all he ever does.

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 1:43 PM No comments: Links to this post

Friday, May 08, 2009

The New Orleans Saints Are (reportedly) Idiots

How else to explain the Saint Brain Trust ("The Saint Braint") and their interest in Edgerrin James?

They need a complement to Reggie Bush? They have one, in Pierre Thomas, who rushed for more yards per carry in 2008 than The Edge has in the past 3 years.

I don't understand why teams refuse to employ the weapons that served them well. Why is New Orleans worried about running back? Between Reggie and Pierre, they've got one of the most dynamic, flexible backfields in the nation. And they think Edge James, who was beat out by a rookie and a draft pick in Arizona can help them? How? His 2.5 yards per carry is really awesome, until you notice that Pierre Thomas, with over 100 carries, averaged almost double that.

New Orleans, you have the Backfield You Are Looking For.

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 12:02 AM 5 comments: Links to this post

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Anonymous Sources in Sports Reporting

I think I've stated before how much the very concept of anonymous reporting in sports irks me.

I know I have complained about reporters who think they are plugged into what is happening on the Owner Level.

Which is why I look at this report from Yahoo Sports about Brett Favre saying "Thanks, but no thanks" to the Vikings with a good deal of disgust. I don't give two shits about the Vikings, and don't really understand why anyone does. They've been a comically woeful franchise--either being awful, or hilariously underperforming in the Big Game since their inception. I could not care less whether Favre becomes a Viking or not, though I find the whole thing very interesting to watch.

So why do I care about a report from Yahoo Sports that says Favre isn't going to become a Viking?

Here's Why:

This isn't an FBI agent complaining about civilians being tortured, or disclosing the number of Arabic speakers getting dismissed from the US Armed Forces because they were gay. This isn't Watergate. Why the fuck is Yahoo unable to do better in their sourcing than "a source close to the team"?

Dear Rick Schwartz, Yahoo reporter: "a source close to the team" isn't going to lose their job if you report their name. How about you don't give this kind of protection to an employee who doesn't need it? It is either true, and therefore no big deal. Or, it is bullshit and you are being used as a smokescreen. Congrats! You are either a drama queen or a sucker.

And really--no more specific than "a source close to the team?" That appellation could be used to describe Viking's Owner Zygi Wilf or Suzy Longstocking, Bernard Berrian's babysitter. It is meaningless. You couldn't even give us a general title, like "an upper level executive"?

All of this--the unnamed sources, the kvetching from the Star Tribune guys for a team that went 10-6 in a soft NFC Central last year? A team that is banking on an overrated secondary, and a receiving corps that begins and ends with Bernard Berrian? A 40 year old QB is going to transform that shitty receiving corps? Maybe. He ain't going to do shit for that questionable secondary, though.

My point is simple enough--this ain't the launch codes The Anonymous Source is giving away, and it should not be treated as such. The Anonymous Source shouldn't be anonymous. It isn't important enough to be quoted off the record. Yahoo, you make journalism a bit of a joke when you can't name your source for a story that is either going to be confirmed or blown out of the water by Monday. Either way, you didn't make your profession better by passing on a rumor from your unnamed source close to the team.

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 11:08 PM 5 comments: Links to this post

Now Obama is Just Showing Off

Thank you, USA Today Headline writer, thank you. (emphasis mine)

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 11:38 AM No comments: Links to this post

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Minnesota Infected With Hillbilly Savior Flu

Obviously, the big NFL free-agent news is whether Brett Favre may end up a Viking by the end of business on Friday. ESPN is talking about it, rumors are flying, and even we ourselves are not immune. Hillbilly Savior Flu has infected the country, but Ground Zero is the Twin Cities, and Ground Zero-Point-Zero is the Minneapolis Star Tribune.

As of this writing, The Strib's "Most Viewed Stories" widget, which is always 10 stories deep, has no less than 4 stories about Favre possibly coming to Minnesota. (And one about KFC's bullshit free chicken promo. Seriously!)

So, judging by readership, Minnesota cares about Favre more than anything else, with free chicken, Star Trek, softball controversy and the Twins rain-delayed loss tied for a distant second.

What do our Four Smarties of the Favrpocalype have to say? There is not total agreement.

Our first story is simple reporting--bloodless, not taking sides. Classic journalism. Boring, you might say. Judd Zeglund and Chip Scoggins (their real names, I assume) report that Vikings KICK-ASS Head Coach Brad Childress is meeting with B. Favre, and the topic of conversation will be biceps surgery. They also report that Vikings WR Bernard Berrian is like a girl talking about her first time. Zeglund and Scoggins don't say that outright, because they are gentlemen, but I am not one, and here is Berrian's money quote (if you will), "I try not to get too caught up in it because I don't want to get too overexcited, thinking that he's coming and then all of a sudden he doesn't[.]"

Old Man Sid Hartman is next, and he says that the Vikings Ownership is hurting financially, and that a Brett Favre, provided that he is healthy enough to play, will do wonders in terms of bringing people back to the Metrodome. I quote: "the economy has hurt not only the Vikings' ticket sales, but also all of the advertising and other revenue sources...An announcement that Favre is a Viking will bring back the interest in a hurry, helping both on the field and in generating revenue."

Without judging whether it is a good idea for the team or not, Hartman seems to think that it would be a good idea for the owners (the Wilfs (not a porn term--it is their last name. You perverts looking to fuck wombats will have to look elsewhere)). So Hartman thinks that ownership will be inclined to sign Favre from a pure bottomline frame of mind. Shockingly, Hartman has adopted the Owner's frame of mind.

Let's get into partisan discussion. We've got a genuine Pro vs. Con Columnist battle brewing!

In the against Favre corner, we've Jim Souhan, five foot nothing, 100 and nothing, without a speck of athletic ability, and he's walked onto a pretty mediocre sportsdesk! After making all the points that Sid makes, about how signing Favre would be GREAT for filling seats, advertisement revenue and the like (but making them seem like bad things) Jim says, "Favre is the supermodel who maxes out your credit cards. He is the sports car that wipes out your bank account. He is enticing, and he is captivating, and he is trouble." Souhan knows what of he speaks, because he was fucking that trampy sports car of his on the regular, before it took off with his wife. Or maybe I read his point wrong.

Into the Pro-Favrian Camp, waddles Mark Craig. He says that Favre is a perfect fit. Now, one might argue with a 40 year old quarterback being a "perfect fit" anywhere, aside from a Barcalounger, or maybe a Reality show on the now defunct Outdoor Living Network, sponsored by Wranglers. But Craig has a point: "From a purely football IQ perspective, signing a healthy Favre is a no-brainer. He'd be in a West Coast offense that's similar to what he ran in Green Bay. He also would be paired with a great running game and a solid defense, both of which should lessen Favre's desire to take risks with the football."

"Yes, Favre throws interceptions. But here's a stat for you: In the 29 games before his arm and shoulder began hurting last season, Favre threw 23 more touchdown passes than interceptions (53-30) and led the Packers to an NFC title game."

Counters Souhan: "Look at Favre's postseason history. He won one Super Bowl, with a superior Packers team -- the same number as Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson."

That's an incredibly stupid argument. That's one more Super Bowl than any Vikings QB has ever won, ever. And one more than Tavaris Jackson or Sage Rosenfels will ever win, I'd wager. One more than Dan Marino. One less than Mark Rypien. STUPID Argument, Souhan.

Craig says it isn't about ticket sales, or excitement, it is just about whether Brett can get in game shape, and if he can't? Craig points out: "[The Vikings] have room under the salary cap and nobody who's better at quarterback, and Favre wants to be here. And, oh yeah, it wouldn't cost them a draft pick or a player."

"Other than ESPN annexing Winter Park, where's the downside?"

I only have this add: Dear Minnesota Viking fans. You are a sad bunch. But do you really think you will feel good about a Super Bowl that is won by Brett Favre? Do you? Really ask yourselves that. I bet you won't.

You'll be sullied. Deep in your hearts.

Posted by Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening at 10:39 PM 1 comment: Links to this post

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Andrew Wice is a Novelist

Contributor, NFL Analyst/Therapist, Darling of the Art Scene of the Southwest Desert Region, Andrew Wice--he's been a number of things, but now it is official--we can now add Published Novelist to the list.

What happens when there is not enough water to satisfy the thirsts of the millions of souls in the American Southwest? "To the Last Drop" has a guess, and it ain't pretty.

Buy it now, and send an email to , and the author will (for a very limited time) pen an angry letter to the person of your choice.