Thursday, December 31, 2009
Dear Steve Lavin, Please Don't Use Words You Can't Pronounce
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Say, That John Wall Fella Can Jump
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Degenerate Wisconites Come To Minnesota: Steal Walleyes
There's No Rule Against Money Grubbing Ghosts in Basketball
Spreading Thy Seed
AFC
1. Indy 2. SD 3. NE 4. Cincy 5. Broncos 6. Jets
NFC
1. Saints 2. Eagles 3. MN 4. AZ 5. GB 6. Dallas
With Leftnut taking the points for the Saints' #1 seed, the only remaining bonus points out there depend on Favre and the Redskins. These final points could likely determine the winner of a fantastic first prize. Second prize is steak knives. Third prize is you're fired.
Standings
1. Miwacar: 65 pts (this week +3)
2. Jess: 64 pts (this week +6)
3. Byard: 63 pts
4. MMan: 58 pts (this week +4)
5. Lfnut: 37 pts (this week +7)
6. Big BM, Adw: incompetent
Week Seventeen
1. Big Shoe-in?
2. Little Shoe-in?
3. Surprise! Underdog list:
Chiefs, Oaktown, Cincy, Giants
4. Disliked/Favorite?
5. Clash of the Titans:
Philadelphia Eagles at Dallas Cowboys
6. Clash of the Titans (Final Chapter):
Green Bay Packers at Arizona Cardinals
Bonus Question +2 for each correct seeding
A. AFC seeding:
A1. seeds 3 & 4: Cincy/NE
A2. seeds 5 & 6: Jets/Ravens/Broncos/Houston/Pitts
B. NFC seeding:
B1. seeds 2-6: MN/Phi/AZ/Dal/GB
Monday, December 28, 2009
RIP, George Michael
Saturday, December 26, 2009
The Day Innocence Died
Friday, December 25, 2009
RIP, Vic Chesnutt
and i respect a man who goes to where he wants to be
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
I Haven't Seen A Jew Run Like That Since Poland, 1938
Don't Lie To Me, Brent Musberger
Curiosities
Barnyard and MMMan connected on long bombs (+7) to the still-undefeated Colts, the last to lose. There are now only a few BIG bonus questions remaining. Your answers back in late summer will cruelly influence your race to the regular-season championship. No one picked up any bonus points for the AFC #1 seed, your Indy Colts.
Your pick for the Superbowl winner obviously can't be counted in the regular season pick'em, but I've included it here as a curiosity.
name........NFC #1 seed.......Brett miss start........DC Final Record........SB
Adw..........AZ..................................................................5-11....................PIT
Mwcr........MN............................won't...........................4-12....................MN
Bryrd.........PHI..........................................................................................PHI
Jess..........AZ..............................won't.............................5-11....................AZ
BM...........GB..............................won't.........................................................
LNut........NO...................................................................4-12...................NO
MMan......MN.................................................................6-10....................ATL
Standings
1. Barnyard: 63 pts (this week +15)
2. Miwacar: 62 pts (this week +10)
3. Jess: 59 pts (this week +8)
4. MMMan: 54 pts (this week +7)
5. Leftnut: 30 pts (this week +2)
6. Big BM: 28 pts
7. Adw: so far behind I think I'm in front
Week Sixteen
1. Your Big Shoe-in?
2. Your Little Shoe-in?
3. Surprise! Upset list:
Chiefs, Seahawks, Bucs, Rams, Lions
4. Favorite team wins/Disliked loses?
5. Clash of the Titans:
Houston Texans at Miami Dolphins
6. Redundant Clash of the Titans (Thursday game):
San Diego Chargers at Tennessee Titans
7. Repeated and Redundant Clash of the Titans:
Baltimore Ravens at Pittsburgh Steelers
Monday, December 21, 2009
Martin Brodeur: Greatest of All Time
Martin Brodeur has been indomitable for fifteen years. His NHL record of 104 shutouts is a towering marble monument to his vision, balance, flexibility and determination.
A gold medalist for Canada in 2002, Brodeur became a dual citizen of the U.S. on December 1st of this year. He is welcome to enjoy my country, living in nearby West Orange, NJ. If Canada wants any members of the Washington Generals in recompense, they are welcome to take them far away.
Thank you Martin, for the countless games of Sega hockey you helped me win, for dominating the net with your snapping glove over fifteen seasons with my Devils, and for giving me something to cheer about on this dark, cold Monday night.
AP is 0-2 on this "Athlete of the [Blank]" Thing
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Brent Musberger and Bobby Knight Don't Understand Time
Friday, December 18, 2009
That's On Point, Dave Zirin
Golf is not a sport. It's a game. It's darts. It's billiards. It's the World Series of Poker with walking. I believe that anything that you can gain weight while performing, or anything you can do at a world-class level while smoking, just isn't a true athletic competition.
Otherwise the AP should've included people like the Great Takeru Kobayashi, who held the competitive hot dog eating record for six straight years. In 2001, he doubled the old mark, scarfing down 50 weenies in 12 minutes. Disgusting? Sure. But no more vile than the amount of acreage and water needed to maintain a golf course.
Then Zirin gives us his top 5 athletes, and they are, for the most part, excellent, inspired choices. Ronaldhino? Sure! Serena Williams? No argument there. Roger Federer? Of course. Kobe Bryant? I get it, as much as I hate it. Zirin goes a bit off the rails in my opinion with his last pick--Ray Lewis. Really, Ray Lewis? Zirin calls him the "the epitome of controlled adrenaline" which would be true, if Lewis had controlled his adrenaline in this past decade.TV Funhouse- Ray Lewis
by AC310DC
Children Always Steal Reindeer From the Drunkest Santas
Expensive Palaver
It's Official: Landon Donovan Loaned to Everton
Thursday, December 17, 2009
The NFL Network Would Like You To Know You Are Missing a Barnburner
Vinny Cerrato is Gone!
Cerrato will be replaced by GM Bruce Allen, son of former coach George Allen. Although Bruce Allen's tenure with the Bucs wasn't entirely successful, there's no way he can suck as bad as Vinny.
This is the happiest day for my football team in a long, long, long time.
Bye Vinny! You sucked! Looking forward to hearing your expert analysis on NFL pregame shows.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Chris Dudley is Running For Governor of Oregon
That is simply unfair. Chris Dudley is too beloved in Oregon for his legendary play for the Trailblazers. Clearly, he's going to win the Republican nomination. He has already brought his still talked-about basketball panache and excitement to his platform, trumpeting such new exciting concerns as "cutting spending" and "lowering taxes". It would take a bold insightful court leader like Chris Dudley to bring these sorts of crazy concepts to the Republican mainstream.
If An Owl Can Catch Your Dog, Your Dog is Too Small
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Merde de Canard
With only three weeks left, the race is tighter than a duck's ass in a knife fight. Those long-range bonus questions will likely have an impact on the outcome, and I will reproduce all of your choices over the season. A handsome all-cotton t-shirt is as at stake!
Standings
1. Miwacar: 52 pts (this week +9)
2. Jess: 51 pts (this week +5)
3. B'yard: 48 pts (this week +2)
4. MMan: 47 pts (this week +5)
5. Lefnut: 28 pts (this week +2)
Big BM: 28 pts
6. Adw: (this week +3)
Week Fifteen
1. Big Shoe-in?
2. Little Shoe-in?
3. Surprise! Underdog list:
Oakland, Chicago, Detroit
4. Favorite/Disliked?
5. Clash of the Titans: +/- 2
Cincinnati Bengals at San Diego Chargers
6. Mini-Clash of the Mini-Titans: +/- 1
Miami Dolphins at Tennessee Titans
Bonus Questions
7. Last Team Standing: Colts or Saints? +2
8. Most Combined Points? +2
9. Fewest Combined Points? +2
I For One, Welcome Our Invertebrate Overlords
Octopuses often use foreign objects as shelter. But the scientists found the veined octopus going a step further by preparing the shells, carrying them long distances and reassembling them as shelter elsewhere. That's an example of tool use, which has never been recorded in invertebrates before, Finn said.
"What makes it different from a hermit crab is this octopus collects shells for later use, so when it's transporting it, it's not getting any protection from it," Finn said. "It's that collecting it to use it later that is unusual."
update: Video!
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Maynor Figueroa, That's Ballsy
Saturday, December 12, 2009
How's Your Twin Cities Hip-Hop Collection?
This last song is not from an album that hit the AV Club's Top 25, but like I said at the top, it may be my favorite hip-hop from 2009. It's from Eyedea and DJ Abilities. Eyedea made his bones by showing up to various contests in NYC, and fucking shit up. He's a crazy freestyler, despite his homeless looks. And he, like P.O.S., has also been experimenting with other styles of music, especially punk. While P.O.S. is probably more political, Eyedea writes some devastating lines about relationships. So, your punk analogues are possibly The Clash vs. say, I don't know, The Replacements? That's probably a bit (a lot) overblown, but man, do I love "Spin Cycle". Enjoy!
Friday, December 11, 2009
NCAA Hoops Comes Up With A Gob-Smackingly Stupid Idea
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Smell You Later, Pittsburgh Steelers
Goodbye, Boof! Fare Thee Well
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
This is Called "Kicking the Tires" in Wisconsin
"Benjamin Tatzel, 45, of La Crosse, registered a preliminary breath-test reading of 0.39 percent Monday afternoon, police said. That's nearly five times the legal limit for operating a motor vehicle.
Police gave Tatzel a public intoxication warning, meaning he can either pay a $240 fine or attend a two-hour sobriety class, police said."
Here's the kicker:
"[Talzel, a] liver transplant recipient was cited for being falling-down drunk on a street in La Crosse, Wis., police said Wednesday."
People, whether you have a new liver or not, .39 percent is awfully fucking drunk. On a new liver, on which you are not supposed to be any unnecessary strains, .39 is way, way too high.
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Whipped Topping
This sweetness masked the bitterness of the artificially-flavored vanilla ice milk at the bottom: namely myself, shackled to the malfunctions of Professor Badcock's prognosticating calculatron. I knew I shouldn't have run it on Windows.
Standings
1. Jess: 46 pts (this week +10)
Barnyard: 46 pts (this week +10)
2. Miwacar: 43 pts
3. MMMan: 42 pts (this week +6)
4. Big BM: 28 pts (this week +7)
5. Leftnut: 27 pts (this week +10)
6. Adw: 18 pts
Week 14
1. Your Big Shoe-in? +2/-4
2. Your Little Shoe-in? +1/-2
3. Surprise! +3 Underdog list:
Browns, Panthers, Lions, Rams
4. Favorite/Disliked? +1/-1
5. Clash of the Titans: +/-2
Philadelphia Eagles at New York Giants
6. King of the Fudge: +/-1
Washington Generals at Oakland Raiders
Bonus Questions
7. Last Man Standing: Colts or Saints? +2
8. Which game will be the closest? +3
9. Which game will have the largest point differential? +3
Monday, December 07, 2009
An Insightful Q&A With an NFLPA Exec
Q: In the following Economist article, the author shows a graph of players’ salary growth by professional league from 1990.
It’s striking that N.F.L. players have had lower salary growth than the M.L.B. and N.H.L., as the N.F.L. has become the most profitable league and gained more “sports related” market share than any other league in that time period.
The article implies that this is due to the weakness of the union (because football players have shorter careers than other athletes on average), but is it possible that the N.F.L.P.A. and players have had the foresight to participate in revenue sharing and salary caps to support growth of the league as a whole? It would be a remarkable example of win-win thinking, if true. —vimspot
The timing of this article is fascinating because it falls in the same year (2006) that the current collective bargaining agreement was extended. Then, in May of 2008 — a short two years after — the owners opted out. I still can’t understand why such a win-win scenario would ever be jeopardized.Paul Tagliabue and Gene Upshaw took their licks, but it’s hard to argue with more than two decades of labor peace and unprecedented growth. The N.F.L. is America’s sport. Forty million people watched the N.F.L. draft in April, more than the M.L.B. and N.B.A. playoffs combined. Look at this year’s television ratings.
Sunday, December 06, 2009
On the Ground: World Cup Draw
With tickets for five games sitting in my back pocket, I couldn't help but be excited by Friday's draw. Add to that a pile of media coverage leading up to the draw, including an interview I heard with the head of the South African organizing committee, Danny Jordaan, where he said Friday's draw would "kill any doubts" that we would be able to successfully host the world cup. I was skeptical, but hopeful. After all, even with labor disputes and the unreliability of "African time", it looks like all the stadia are pretty much ready to go. Hallelujah.
The fam and I decided to head down to the party on Long Street just a few blocks from the actual draw to get into the spirit of things. We showed up around 5pm, so we missed out on the free hats and the ensuing angry mob, which was probably a good thing. There was live music, tons of food, lots to drink, and so many people stuffed into a small area (over 50,000 by some counts) that it felt a bit more like Mardis Gras than a world cup draw (not a bad thing).
I was glad to see that access to the event was controlled by security personnel, even if they didn't do a thorough check of my kid carrier. I guess we didn't look dangerous enough. On the inside, it was like any other street festival, with one, small, difference. This was a party leading up to the most significant sporting event in the world, which is going to be happening in our backyard in mere months. Everyone here in SA who has even the slightest interest is tingling with excitement, and there's a real sense that we're going to be making this a VERY African tournament. That basically means it's going to be really, really loud, and any team playing against an African outfit is seriously going to have the crowd to contend with.
We stopped at our favorite Long Street eatery, and Masala Dosa never disappoints, but they were bogged down by the sheer volumes of people coming through the door. Organizers and businesses here will need to get it in their heads that there are a lot of people who are going to take part in this tournament, more than just those with tickets to games, and way more than at the highest peak of tourist season. That means everything needs to be organized to scale, whether it's lamb roti from a street vendor or silly yellow hats handed out at a street festival. Once we had our snack, things started to get a bit too crowded, so we took off before the claustrophobia really set in. The throngs were still pouring in as we were leaving, and we got home at about 7 with plenty of time to watch the most important part of the draw show.
The show itself was a bit tame compared to the street party, but it still had some pretty good stuff. It's hard to compete with Charlize Theron, and there aren't many women as big or with as big a voice as that lady from the Soweto Gospel Choir. The draw happened, with no serious complications, other than South Africa getting a bit of a tough draw. I *nearly* got to see England vs USA, but they got slotted into C2 instead of C3. Oh well. England vs Algeria isn't nearly as exciting, but it'll have to do.
In any case, the tournament is happening. Here. I'll give Jordaan that much. I'm now a believer, even if I don't understand what the hell John Smit and Makhaya Ntini have to do with soccer. But make no mistake, crime will be an issue, so will transport, so will accommodation. But the games...the games are going to be awesome, and when it's all said and done we'll have a new world champion hoisting the cup in Johannesburg. That's pretty damn cool in my book.
The Unbearable Weight of Suck: A Historical Perspective
The DC Skins suck in 2009. That has been apparent (at the very least) since they lost to the 0-19 Lions. Yet they continue to play hard, taking the NFC-best Saints almost all the way to the limit before being repeatedly stripped [pictured]. Bless their beating hearts: they are just not winners.
My late father reared me on fidelity for the Washington Redskins, his hometown team. They rewarded our devotion with three Superbowls during our lifetimes (in addition to one Championship in 1937, their first year in DC, and one in 1942, the year my father was born).
Verily, the 3-9 Washington Red Stains are not winners. The Snyder era, which began with the 2000 season (69 wins & 87 losses = .441 win percent + 1 playoff win), has been unholy. As Kafka wrote, "There are two cardinal sins from which all the others spring: impatience and laziness."
From a historical perspective, how bad are the 2009 Redskins?
They missed the postseason from 1946 until 1970, twenty-five years of woe including a gorge-raising stretch of non-winning seasons from 1956 until 1968. My father somehow remained loyal to the team which he used to watch for free (just to fill the stands) in the old Griffith Stadium.
In 1950 and 1954, with Sammy Baugh and Al Dorow at QB respectively, the Washington Redskins went 3-9, on par with the 2009 team.
They went 1-9-2 with QB Eagle Day (really) in 1960, then dug deeper in 1961, the Redskins' worst-ever season, a record of 1-12-1. You can chalk some of that up to QB Norm Snead [pictured].
After three-time champ Gibbs left, the 1993 Skins went 4-12 with Mark Rypien. That paved the way for Heath Shuler to achieve 3-13 in 1994 under Norv "Meat Blanket" Turner.
Under yuppie-trash ownership since 2000, the worst Washington Generals teams went 5-11: in 2003 under Spurrier and 2006 with Mark Brunnell as QB.
Where do the 2009 Washington Generals fit in? The four remaining games (Raiders, Giants, Cowboys, Chargers) will answer that sad-clown question. I can say this: they are still playing hard. But also, they are not winners.