I Dislike Your Favorite Team

Wednesday, the Twins shipped out 3 players, including Matt Garza for Delmon Young and two players.

I'm still unsure what to think about the trade as of yet. I do know that watching Garza was sometimes a frustrating experience, as the kid clearly has a rocket arm. How coachable is he? I guess we'll leave it to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays to find out.

I like getting a young hitter just before he truly hits his stride, and I think Delmon Young may be just that. If he can hit with just a bit more power, the every day heart of the order could be a difficult and intimidating left-right-left-right of Maurer, Young, Morneau and Cuddyer.

But Aaron Gleeman, because he is a scary stats cruncher, is looking at all the players involved in the deal. You should read what he has to say.

The biggest NFC matchup of the year was unavailable to the vast majority of fans. The NFL has cast the dispute as cable companies versus the free marketplace. This is misleading at best. However, in their desire to sway me, the NFL streamed the game on NFL.COM and I was able to watch the whole show on my little mac. Yay, the future is here! I'm hungry for some sweet, crunchy soylent green.



Another bonus of the anti-trust was an actual funny line in a commercial (!) by the NFL Network, when a crusty dude says, "You think I want four channels just for women? I was in Korea."

That's solid gold, baby. Almost makes up for the fact that NFL Network's all-star commentators are Egg Gumballs & Piss Pencildick. I just made those nicknames up right now. Seriously. Anyway, the game:

The Cowboys offense came out looking very efficient. The Packers secondary, without CB Woodson, looked overmatched. Favre was beginning to panic, chucking deep ball INTs. Trying to win it all back at once? Good way to lose.

The game looked like it was about to tip into an ugly blowout. And then Favre received a serious injury to his old elbow. Aaron Rodgers trotted in and stepped up in a big way. With low expectations, the Packers returned to their game plan. And it worked. Medium-distance, high-percentage passes allowed the Packers WRs to YAC all over the field. The patience and escapability of Rodgers shows a lot of promise.

The game featured two terrible calls against the Packers secondary (who didn't need the hindrance), one of which ranks as one of the worst calls I've ever seen. I'm so glad it happened to a team I'm largely indifferent to. CB Harris clearly stole the ball from B.O., but the refs blew the call even though they reviewed it. The other call was a horrible pass interference that essentially gave the Cowboys a late TD.

Sweetest play of the game? B.O. caught a TD, couldn't hang on and Al Harris snared it. But that one turnover wasn't enough.

Overrall, the Cowboys simply had too weapons and the Packers didn't have enough answers on defense. They didn't pressure Romo, they couldn't cover, and they choked up 150 yards in penalties.

Meanwhile, the fucking Cowboys are undefeated in the NFC. Their remaining schedule has a combined record of 20-24. That isn't going to be a happy finish, America.

C'mon Ya'll--E.U. in the house!

And who told me Tiki had a Big Ol' Butt? Tiki did! On Bravo's classic catfight of a reality TV show, "Project Runway".

Why was Tiki Barber's big old bottom on "Project Runway". Oh, I don't know--have you ever seen him? Immaculately coiffed, pearly white teeth, and fabulous clothes--he's a heterosexual fashion icon. He discussed what he likes in clothes with the designers (fairly conservative, but does enjoy colors, textures and patterns) and challenged them to design him something that he could wear on TV. He complicates matters by not being model dimensions--under 6 feet tall, skinny legs, big butt (he said that at least twice in the 5 minutes he talked).

Disclosure: Yes, I watch Project Runway. Fuck you.

Interesting note. Last week, the surprise guest star was Sarah Jessica Parker, and the designers went ape-shit, especially the gay men. One of them actually started to cry, explaining that "Sex in the City" was the reason he moved to New York City. Upon encountering Tiki Barber, the common reaction seemed to be befuddlement ("I don't know who he is, but he's gorgeous!"). One exception--the straight designer from New Jersey, who was like, "HOLY SHIT. TIKI BARBER! He's one of the best running backs in Giant history!" Oh, and the straight guy from NJ wears facial hair in this fashion. (it's rocker facial hair!?)

So the designers, who usually design for women, had to design for Tiki Barber, who is quite the clotheshorse. This is a challenge, because a beautiful dress can be very simple, but a good looking suit requires lots of stitching, and three separate pieces. And Tiki has very particular tastes.

But he is definitely not gay, even if he is appearing on Project Runway. To drive the point home, Tiki's saucy little Asian wife showed up to look at the preliminary work of the designers. Best moment she had was when she referred to one designer's supposed sleek, casual jacket as a "Member's Only" jacket. Ouch. Hey, why didn't Matthew Broderick show up to evaluate the designs last week? Is it because he has his own job, or maybe because Ms. Parker didn't feel the need to have her obviously opposite-sex spouse on the show? Hmmm.

Regardless, the results of this show were questionable at best. One of the things Tiki liked best was a dark purple ensemble. It was a very polished looking suit. Heidi Klum did not care for it. She said that she wouldn't want to see her husband, Seal, in it. But then she said something that was awesome. With her little Germanic frown she said, "It's more David Beckham than Tiki."

Oh, snap! Take that Becks! When you eventually show up on this show, and you know you will, you make sure Heidi gets an earful. Don't let that bitch say you'd wear something not good enough for Seal. Fuck that! Then again....

In any case, I'd like to throw out an old-school shout-out to Tiki's Big Ol Butt. This is for you, Tiki. Maybe you and Robert Smith can dance to it, and discuss what you meant when you said that you had bigger things to accomplish than just be football players.

Kevin Dubrow, lead singer on the below piece of legend (and yeah, fine its a cover of some English glam band) died over the weekend in what can only be called suspicious circumstances. The tone of the article suggests that people know it is suicide, but can't imagine how it could be.

Six turnovers, to be precise. They came early (two fumbles in the first three plays, four fumbles in the first sixteen plays) and they came late (two INTs in the fourth quarter). Campbell's strong second-half effort was once again undone by an interception in the endzone in the waning seconds.

With virtually no offense in the first half, the defense exhausted themselves holding the Bucs to only nineteen points. The Redskins came roaring out of the break and scored a TD immediately. The defense suddenly became a dominant unit, forcing a three-and-out on all four of Tampa's second half possessions.

I have been vocal in my criticism of excessive timidity on the part of the Redskins on 4th and short situations. Today, they converted on 2 of 3 4th down opportunities (see?) and only punted twice after averaging 4.6 punts per game this season (and over five punts per game last season). Certainly, committing six turnovers plays into Washington's punting opportunities.

There will certainly be some discussion about the decision by Gibbs to go for the first down on 4th and 1 on the Tampa 4 yard line. Hindsight revisionism says that if they had kicked that one, they would only have needed a FG to win in the closing seconds. But this is not true; after the failed conversion the Bucs were pinned deep and went three and out. The Redskins drove down and picked up a FG. But if the Redskins had scored, the score (at the time) would have been 17-19, with all momentum of a diesel train.

Gibbs made the right decision to go for the win. The playcall wasn't good (no QB sneak?), and the line was beaten at the point of attack.

In other news, Mike "Rat Boy" Shanahan's Broncos lost to the Bears in overtime solely due to his decision to kick to Devin Hester. The man with eight return TDs in 25 games now has ten return TDs in 26 games. While the Bears offense is somehow worse than last year, and the defense has lost their teeth, Chicago's special teams remain the best in the league. They also blocked a kick in this one.

With the NFC wild card race unable to light the proverbial fire under the contenders, any team which can rip off a few wins in a row should take it. That 5-6 Fudgefests are still "in the hunt" is perhaps not exactly what the NFL was looking for in their Parity quest.

1. Green Bay Packers (+4)
2. Washington Redskins(0)
3. Detroit Lions (0)
4. Minnesota Vikings (-2)
5. Oakland Raiders (-2)

On Thanksgiving, the Green Bay Packers committed ritual bestiality upon the Lions.

Somewhere I read a prediction that "the Pack has found a RB (Grant ran for 101 yards), expect Favre to still throw for 300 yards and 3 TDs (check) against a Lions defense that gives up yards in big chunks (9.3 yards per pass attempt, 6.7 yards per rush). The pass rush will break lil' Kitna (four sacks, all by D Linemen which is hot), and the INTs will follow (one, anyway). Expect a 2nd half blowout as the Lions quit at home (check) and the Pack squirts in their gravy (Checkmate)."

The Packers have a firm grip on the IDYFT Cup, but cannot truly claim it as their own. They face two more IDYFT opponents. A firm grasp, and they cannot do worse than tying for first place. Though they are still undefeated against IDYFT opponents, it is not yet appropriate to hand them the totem of victory.

However, facing the Oaktown Fudge-Raiders and the Lions, both in Green Bay ... perhaps Barnyard should make a little place on his mantel.

The second-place Washington Redskins are suffering the most injuries in the NFL second only to bitterly-disappointing Baltimore. The Redskins only have one more game with which to rise in the standings. Luckily it's against the fourth-place Minnesota Vikings. Will A. Peterson be running hard on December 23? I hope not. Without him, the Vikings have little chance of winning another game.

The third-place Detroit Lions (by virtue of getting blown the fuck up in the head-to-head matchup with the Redskins, losing 34-3) could still tie for first place, but must win on the road against Minnesota (next week) and Green Bay. It's more likely that they will continue their typical late-season swoon.

The last-place Oakland Raiders having nothing to play for and they're comfortable with that. Bet the farm that the Raiders quit before they get off the bus at Lambeau, and finish the year dead last as predicted. Because the Raiders suck.

Earlier this year, I posted Zach Galifiankis doing his 17th Century Stand-up as Nathaniel Buckner, which makes me laugh every time I watch it. Whilst perusing the archives of IDYFT, I found that the original video I posted to had been taken down.

Luckily, it has been replaced. So, if you haven't yet enjoyed the Comedy Stylings of Nathaniel Buckner, prithee, do so now.

Butler beats Michigan, handily. No one is surprised, because Butler is ranked in some polls, and Michigan isn't ranked in any polls.

I love this time of year.

Oh, and if you are curious about where the bad-ass freshman are playing, and what they are doing, click here.

Torii is off to the Left Coast, to bathe in Disneyfied baseballery. So be it. We will miss him, but I can't be too angry at the Twins for not matching a 5 year, $90 million dollar deal for a 32 year old outfielder who has a tendency to run into shit at high speed. That just doesn't seem like a good deal for anyone but Torii.

Who thinks Mike Scioscia is full of shit here?:

Although Hunter's arrival would appear to make Matthews the odd man out in an outfield with Guerrero in right and Garret Anderson in left, Angels manager Mike Scioscia said it gives him more opportunity to use Guerrero and Anderson to DH.

"Torii is going to be in center field virtually every day. Gary will be in the outfield almost every day, so the other two guys will split up the DH," Scioscia said. "We want all four of those bats in the lineup."

Gary Matthews is busy arguing that he wasn't cheating with the Human Growth Hormone. I don't think Anaheim has any use for two kick-ass center fielders, no matter what scenario Scioscia articulates. You are a damn dirty liar, Scioscia! I'm glad you got radiation poisoning!

Good Lord, first Garnett, and now Hunter. Who will fill the hole in the Twin Cities market of bad-ass, yet marketable Black Man? There's always Fancy Ray, I suppose, though he specializes in "niche markets". Corey Brewer? Al Jefferson? Purple Jesus?

Regardless, let's bid adieu to Mr. Hunter. Thanks, Torii. You helped rescue a moribund franchise.

Nobody. Hmm. I guess the tea-bagging might be reserved filler for craptastic games. So, next week we have Miami at Pittsburgh again. Pit again? Are half the MNF games in Denver and the other half in Pitt? Does ABC own Hienz field and Invesco? Anyway, my guess is Barack Obama. The Hienz folks get him in for a political plug.

No, not Donovan Leitch (though I love that crazy old hippie, and think his talent totally underrated. "Season of the Witch" is the least-covered great song, ever.)

I speak of Will Leitch, editor/writer/blogger who has a new book out in January, called "God Save the Fan", a look at what is wrong with modern sports and includes an already infamous episode in which he watched ESPN 24 hours straight. That's fucking sick.

Meanwhile, Jason Elam, kicker for the Denver Broncos, also has a book coming out in January, which I've discussed, titled "Monday Night Jihad". It is actually not a book about how the NFL can improve fans, though that would have been an excellent counterpoint to Will's work. It is a novel. Like I said, I talked about it in depth earlier.

So two books, about very different subjects (though both in their way talk about things that are threatening our way of life. Is Chris Berman a mole sent by terrorists to make us dumber? Would that make his schtick more rational? Did I just blow your fucking mind?) by two different authors. I thought we could compare them, in sportsy "Tale of the Tape" type way, like Nick Bakay used to do for ESPN the Magazine!

Let's be clear, I'm not comparing the books, or their relative merits, or their chances for success. Which is good for Jason Elam, as his Amazon sales rank is almost 600,000 spots below Leitch's, despite the fact his book becomes available 3 weeks earlier.

Let's get at this, from a psuedoscientifical way (Elam, as a creationist, would prefer that)

Birthplace:
Elam: Fort Walton, Florida
Leitch: Mattoon, Illinois
Winner: Push

College:
Elam: University of Hawaii at Manoa
Leitch: University of Illinois-"Chambana"
Winner: Elam

Post College Education:
Elam: Liberty Seminary
Leitch: None
Winner: Leitch

Sports Accomplishment:
Elam: Tied longest NFL FG ever
Leitch: Got worked by a retired Andre Rison and Kordell Stewart
Winner: Elam

Currently Resides:
Elam: Denver Suburbs
Leitch: Brooklyn, NYC
Winner: Leitch

Game Show Accomplishments:
Elam: None
Leitch: Win Ben Stein's Money appearance
Winner: Push

MySpace Music:
Elam: None
Leitch: "Freya" --The Sword
Winner: Push/Guitar Hero 2

Best YouTube Musical Appearance:
Elam: The Jason Elam Band at Pigeon Forge
Leitch: Misfits Lyric Sheet
Winner: Leitch?

Leitch wins! Buy his book! Take us out, Jason Elam Band!

From the AP, via SI:

"Actor/rapper Lil' Romeo is headed for Southern California to play basketball...Lil' Romeo, whose full name is Percy Romeo Miller, is currently a senior guard at Beverly Hills High who averaged 13.9 points and 5.6 assists last season."

It will be interesting to see if a former child star named Percy, who played ball at Beverly Hills High, will get along with fellow recruit DeMar DeRozen who is coming straight out of Compton High School. What will DeMar think of Percy's new moniker, "Cookie Monster Jr", which comes complete with Cookie Monster bling?

It could be the New New Odd Couple! It couldn't be worse than the old new one. But can it possibly be better than Black Frasier?

In a typically fawning Sid Hartman column, we learn that Brad Childress didn't miss any sleep knowing that Chester Taylor would be his main running back. Which I'm sure is just Childress saying that he has faith in Taylor, as well he should. But really, shouldn't that guy be missing some sleep already? He's essentially put his career in the hands of Tavaris Jackson. I'd be missing sleep.

But the exciting moment is when Brad talks about the therapy session after last week's shellacking at the hands of the Green Bay Packers (emphasis mine):

"Respond-ability is what we talked about. None of those guys would have been happy if their careers would have ended last week."

That, ladies and gentlemen, is a new word. It should come as no surprise that Childress is a fan of playing with the language. His love of poetry is on record. Of course, his favorite poem is also a heap of pablum, which perhaps explains why his neologism is a waste of time and syllables.

The word you were apparently whiffing on, Coach Childress, is responsiveness. Say it again. Responsiveness. Means the exact same thing, doesn't require a hyphen, and doesn't make you sound like an idiot. Keep in your pocket for the next time you get blown out in horrible fashion.

The Washington Football Team marched on Dallas with the confidence of a young Geronimo, nailing down a TD on their first possession. Four quarters later, the Redskins found themselves defeated, disenfranchised and dissolute. When Geronimo finally surrendered in 1886, he was down to sixteen warriors, twelve women and six children.

The Cowboys tore apart the patchwork Redskins secondary, and B.O. scored 4 TDs. The Redskins, once again, lost the game in the second half.

Gibbs was #1 in the league for 2nd half comebacks before he retired. Now he is #1 in the league for blown halftime leads. Playing for FGs rather than TDs is a large part of the problem.

In the fourth quarter, there was plenty of time to hand the ball to RB Portis, who could have scorched a deep gash on a draw against the wildly pass-rushing Cowboys. Even an attempt might have helped keep the defense guessing.

Instead ... down by five with 11:32 left in the game, the Redskins called thirty passes and zero runs to secure the loss. I am a BIG fan of QB Campbell. The word to describe his talent is "tantalizing." But wouldn't he have been helped by flashing the game-breaking sparkle of RB Portis (#6 NFL rushing yards) at least once in the final quarter?

QB Jason Campbell needed to have his best game to secure a victory, and he came up slightly short. While passing for a career-best 348 yards, he boofed a 4th quarter INT only twelve yards away from taking the lead. There was 1:50 on the clock, with timeouts available. The Redskins, again, had gone frantic.

The 5-5 Redskins have tumbled back into the dirty stinking NFC pack. It is becoming more challenging to argue that they don't belong there.

Next week they'll travel to sunny Tampa Bay, another pass-whacky team. S Taylor is doubtful, and that open wound in the middle of the secondary is devastating. With Taylor playing safety, the Redskins give up six yards per pass attempt. Without Taylor there to make it safe, B.O. averaged 21.6 yards per catch.

Hidden stat? The Cowboys had seven penalties for 58 yards. The Redskins had three penalties for seventy-one yards.

Shanahan Sucks?
There is mounting evidence that longtime presumed-genius Coach Mike "Rat Boy" Shanahan of the Broncos sucks. Forget last-season's handling of his D Coordinator and QB, or the Broncos disappointing 5-5 record. Tonight, the Broncos called two timeouts which should have cost them the game.

The first was another attempted last-second Cheezy-Freeze, which gave Titans clutch kicker My-my-my Bironas a second attempt at a long missed FG in the closing moments of the first half. Now able to read the wind, Bironas nailed the re-kick. Shanahan's Cheezy-Freeze against the Raiders in week one threatened to start an utterly lame fad. Let's hope that his being burned by a Cheezy-Freeze halts the ugly practice he geniused.

The other mistake with a last-second timeout was precipitated by the confusion of the Broncos D on 3rd and goal. It gave the Titans an unexpected opportunity to challenge the bad ruling on the previous play, and QB Young received credit for his sweet & painful TD.

I'm ready to become an apologist for Vince Young. Just like Vick, Young is an uncanny competitor whose efforts are undone by his supporting cast. At least ten incompletions hit his receivers in the hands. Young, like Vick, puts a whole lotta mustard on the ball. But millionaire WRs are paid to catch it. Sucks for TN.

IDYFT Cup
The Vikes beat the Raiders in a game so lame not even Jesus could watch. Culpepper made the Vikes really sorry they gave him the boot, contributing a fumble, INT and safety. That sentence, by the way, was a proper example of irony.

1. Green Bay Packers (+3)
2. Detroit Lions (+1)
3. Washington Redskins (0)
4. Minnesota Vikings (-2)
5. Oakland Raiders (-2)

Next Week: The USA is treated to a classic matchup in the dreadful NFC North, as the 6-4 Lions host the 9-1 Packers. I fully expect someone who gives a crap about either of these teams to offer up a prediction, preview or premature apology. But it ain't me babe. No, no, no, it ain't me you're looking for, babe.

So, the Patriots beat the crap out of the Bills, even though the national media were trying to make it seem that they might not win at all, and there by protecting their undefeated status. Now the talk is really on about them finishing a perfect 16-0. There in lies the game. I am an NFL traditionalist and think that they will lose, but to whom? The remainder of their schedule is as follows:

The Fan's Attic Goes Beyond "Hoof Hearted", and finds more funny dirty horse names.



The Sports Couch Potato remembers Joe Nuxhall.

The Postmen Dig Up Some Ageism on the English Golf Course. Apparently England thinks that Golf is a sport for young, vibrant men. I couldn't disagree more. No wonder their footballers are shite.

The Beautiful Game highlights a very unbeautiful moment from a Champions League Game. Somehow, this Scottish player avoids injury, despite having his shin bone bent in half. Go watch. It is horrifically dirty play.

UVA went into the House That a Lute built, and defeated #17 (AP) Arizona 75-72. Of course, Lute wasn't there, which may have had an effect in the outcome. The last minute of this game was a comedy of errors, that included UVA not being able get the ball in, leading to a turnover, which led right to Arizona's Jerryd Blayless attempting to save a ball from a backcourt violation that would not have been a backcourt violation. As he said, "I messed up and that determined the game." True, but a little unfair to himself--he did score 21 points, and helped the team get back into the game. He could have also said, "Also, our supposed star, Chase Budinger, went 6-14 from the field. That didn't help."

I didn't see this coming, mainly because while I love the fact that College Basketball is starting, and producing upsets at a furious pace, I'm still in the hunt for my Fantasy Football League playoffs, so I spend all my time scanning injury reports and determining which 3rd stringer is going to get to play. (On my roster currently--no lie--Kolby Smith. Who is Kolby Smith? Good question.)

But as I am a native of Virginia, I watched a good chunk of this game, and I was somewhat surprised to see badass guard Sean Singletary back for UVA. He's back, and UVA is getting no love at all nationally? Duke doesn't have a guard that can stop him, or that he can't stop, and Duke is ranked? Pshaw! People are writing columns crowning the player of the Year as either a freshman or Tyler Hansborough. Sean could be a Player of the Year.

Also, UVA is apparently deep, or at least willing to fake deepness, rotating 12-13 players on the court. They played 10 against Arizona, but most of the damage was done by the backcourt--Singletary, freshman Jeff Jones, and junior Mamadi Diane combining for 48 points. Of special mention, Jones and Diane combined to shoot 8-10 from behind the 3 point line.

This UVA team could be dangerous--senior guard running the show, young sharpshooters, and bodies to throw at opposing big men. That's a recipe for coolness. Also, the ACC is clearly in a down year--it is not improbable that UVA ends up the #2 in the ACC. Watch out for these fuckers. Here be dragons.

Drew Carrey! So, BBM's logic was sound, but not his selection. I guess MNF will not play in Cleveland for a while, so Drew had to get his licks in Seattle. Again, no winners - we all suck. Next week, Tennesee at Denver - my prediction is John Elway. He'll promo his new restuarant or charity or somethin like that.

In general, I hope my nerdy interests don't overtake my sports interests on this blog. This is a sportsblog, after all. But Alan Moore's newest headfuck came out this week. I'm still battling Guitar Hero III, and to be honest, I'm looking for a new job. So while Memphis vs. Oklahoma was going on, I was reading comics, watching the Democratic debate, getting the fingering right for "My Name is Jonas" and adding comic writers to our MySpace page. I won't apologize for that, because via Ed "I Killed Captain America" Brubaker, I learned that Jason Aaron is offering a deal you must take him up on.

This season, the Redskins have lost three games after being ahead at halftime. In the previous Gibbs era, they were respected as a second-half team. That is no longer the case, QED.

Since returning to the NFL, his record when leading at halftime is 17-13. In other words, with a lead at halftime the Redskins lose 43% of the time. I have to say, that isn't any good.

Owing to a missed PAT on their first TD, the Redskins chose to go for two when they scored their next TD. This is in contradiction to the old maxim "kick early, go for two late" left over from high school and college ball. Since there is no way to know what the score will be in the 4th quarter, it is conventionally wise to take the sure point early in the game. Otherwise one might dig oneself a deep, lasting hole. For example, in the 4th quarter, the Redskins were down 26-25. Oops.

The Redskins continue to be timid on offense. No one respects our deep threats and we can be counted on to kick on 4th and inches, even though teams convert 4th and inches over 75% of the time. The Eagles, by contrast, converted 4th and inches from their own 39 yard line. This showed that the Eagles wanted to win the game. At every opportunity, the Redskins stand pat.

Clock management is as bad as the worst Herm Edwards action. What happened? Blown timeouts, indecisive playcalling and frantic execution.

The defense is unable to force another offense off the field. Their penalties cost them a lot of sweat and ultimately the game. Racked by injuries, the pass defense may be severely tested by the Cowboys on Sunday.

The worst of it is that the Eagles are a crap team going nowhere. I can't accept the same for my Noble Redskins. They must start showing an improvement in every single aspect.

On the lighter side
In the third quarter of the Buffaloaf Bills vs. the Miasma Dolphins, the score was 2-3. I think we know where the "fudge is made."

IDYFT Cup
1. Green Bay Packers: +3
2. Detroit Lions: +1
3. Washington Redskins: 0
4. Oakland Raiders: -1
5. Minnesota Vikings: -3

Next week: The Vikings (with A. Peterson out for weeks) host the Raiders (with the old lady in the tracksuit intact). It should be one big sticky, peanut-studded Fudgefest.

Before I talk at all about tonight's game, I wanted to mention in passing a game from last night--Saint Joseph's vs. Syracuse. Syracuse won in a tight game 72-69, with a Syracuse freshman hitting the winning 3-pointer with just a few seconds left in regulation. I mention this game a full 24 hours after the fact for a reason, or two reasons, even. (cue Snagglepuss imitation)

One is that Syracuse is one of those borderline Top 25 teams--#25 in one poll, unranked in the poll that CBS uses. And so the fact that they were pushed as hard as they were by St. Joe's might cause Syracuse detractors (of which, I am certainly ususally one). But this will be one of the themes in the NCAA for now on--a less talented, but very experienced crew like St. Joes pushing younger, more talented teams to the edge. This theme will return again in this very post. Get used to that becoming more and more common. The second theme is that is seems every team has some bad-ass Freshman. And Syracuse is no different--they have two. There are freshmen with bigger names and bigger games out there--Love, Rose, Beasley, Gordon, Mayo, but the two kids the Orange have are a scary tandem given Jimmy Boeheim's way of squeezing every bit of talent of his kids. Remember when Sherman Douglas and Rony Seikely seemed cool? I do. How about Gerry McManara? These two--Jonny Flynn & Donte Green are more talented than any of those guys, and they are playing together. Two All-Americans with a veteran supporting cast. Syracuse is fucking dangerous come March, ya'll. Book it.

Another theme--Experience vs. More Experience was on display. Some people may be suprised that Davidson hung tight with #1 UNC. They shouldn't be. UNC, aside from totally overrated Tyler Hansborough, is a school of fairly young men. Don't get me wrong--these aren't inexperienced players for UNC. They were talented freshman & sophomores last year, and this is a fucking good team (duh, #1). But Davidson returned everybody from last year's 29 win team, and they will beat some ranked teams this year. There is obviously no shame in Davidson losing to UNC, but there is also no shame for UNC getting pushed by this team. People may talk like this was almost a huge upset, but it would not have been, not anymore.

Finally, mad props to my boy, AJ Graves, the Feral Steve Nash, for leading his Bulldogs to a win against the fucking Sycamores. Don't sleep on Butler, ya'll. I said that last year, and Graves rewarded me by having some of his worst shooting performances in the end-of-season tournaments. Don't sleep on him. He was raised by wolves!

The exceedingly young Timberwolves (aside from Theo Ratliff and ChunkyHead Walker) have been close in a few games (thanks in part to ol' Man Ratliff) but have finally busted their cherry with a win over the Sacramento Kings.

And truly, it was a combination of old and young tonight, as Rashad McCants, Al Jefferson & Antoine Walker combined for 75 of the TWolves 108 points. Walker got into the mix at least in part due to Craig Smith's ankle roll, and knocked 19 of those points. Good show, Man They Named Those Stupid Wall-Sized Posters After.

That said, kids, don't win too many--we are hoping for a high lottery pick next year.

Oops--almost forgot to congratulate the technical crew of Fox Sports North, for spelling Player of the Game Rashad McCants' name incorrectly. Look, guys, I know he's been injured a lot his first couple of years, but he was a hell of a college player, and the night a guy drops 33 points (including a couple of clutch free-throws to seal the game) can't you see your way clear to not label him as "Rashard McCants"? You made your on-air talent stumble over his name and giggle.

Owner of stuffed bobcat is victim of a cat burglar

Enjoy your fun, you heartless bastard!

Just kiddin'!

We don't cover political news a whole lot here, and I'm not sure this actually counts. Tom Tancredo's new advertisement suggests that he isn't running for President--he's running for Super Hero Protector of America. No mention of actual superpowers, though. Seriously, if you can stifle your giggle at the tag line at the end, you are better than me. (he really should try to get Carrie Fisher to do a cameo and bust out "Tom Tancredo, You're My Only Hope!") Enjoy!




Via the always entertaining Talking Points Memo Election Central.

Very rarely do I outright declare love for another blogger. I've admitted to some crushes, some respectful tips of the cap, some hate on occasion (hate will be displayed later on). But GordonShumway of Ladies... wins a lot of love for the following reasons: her built-in ALF reference, her Steak-Umm photo, her thumbs that look like small fingers, and most importantly, her version of the muffuletta samwich (Porn joke extra special bonus!):

Today we’re going to make a variation on the muffuletta sandwich. “Muffuletta” is an Italian word that means “I hope you own a defibrillator”. It is also the title of a movie I once saw on Spectravision.

We heart the Ladies more than ever. And I want that samwich.

OK, on to jerks who aren't doing anything for our tastebuds, or our need for 80's sitcom references:

Paul Demko of the City Pages blog, whilst reading about the newest Blackface incident, noted that it seemed that a lot of them were happening on college campuses. He did a little research. How about almost 200 in the last five years? Demko also reminds us all that the biggest star in Minnesota Sunday is David Beckham.

Whilst searching for news about our beloved Twins, we stumbled on this blog, which is more invested than we are about possible off-season moves. We highly recommend getting Twins speculation from Taylors Twin's Talk.

Pacifist Viking summarizes the love for Purple Jesus. Against the Packers, I predict well under 100 yards. I predict that for one simple reason--the Packers aren't coached by Norv Turner.

Those awful men at The Big Picture are gearing up for their next "Would You Do" tournament, and they are looking for suggestions. We find this horribly offensive to women, and nominate Julie Foudy. Can we do both of those things in one sentence? Just to show how open-minded we are, we'd also throw in Eric Wynalda. He's a dirty tramp, he is.

Oh, and just for fun--there are Republicans in Minnesota, even now. And some of them think that Republican Governor Tim Pawlenty is a disgrace! A Disgrace! Why? Because he's decided to actually go to the Arctic and witness Global Warming for himself.

I gotta say, to live in Minnesota and not recognize Global Warming takes some balls. The winters, in just the past 15 years that I've been here have shifted noticeably. But apparently, Pawlenty has gone off the Gore End of the Pool of nuttiness! He must be stopped!

As they put it (and who could fight this ninja-logic?): For fools like Pawlenty who think man is single handedly killing mother Earth, I got news for you. It has been hotter, and there used to be giant glaciers covering parts North America, not to mention Pangaea, and dinosaurs.

Yep, the Ice Ages, and dinosaurs are certainly news to Pawlenty. He's never heard of any of that shit. God, that's fucking stupid. Good luck getting someone more conservative and stupid than Pawlenty elected, my friend. You hit your high water mark about 4 years ago, and you don't even know it. So sad. And hilarious! When Al fucking Franken gets elected to the Senate, I imagine these poor bastards will commit suicide. Assuming they can figure how to.

Go visit Residual Forces, and have a good laugh. You will not be allowed to comment though, because they are such pussies that they won't let anyone who isn't registered to comment. Pussies! Tough military imagery on their website, but you can't comment unless they decide you are OK. Yeah, that's real fucking tough. Again--pussies!

That's what my mom would say about him. She wouldn't call him crazy, or weird, or strange. He's just "a little off." I had a co-worker who used to refuse to use negative words when describing people. She invariably described people she didn't like as being "unique". When someone was a complete dick, she would say, "Oh, he has a unique way of communicating."

Two things about that. When you use a word not loaded with negative value, and you describe people you clearly don't like with it, it becomes a negative word. You are still not describing that person positively, or even neutrally. Everyone knows what you mean. Secondly, describing someone who is maybe mentally ill as "unique" just because they have money and are somewhat successful at what they do isn't doing anyone any favors.

We've had our fun with Koy lately.

Based on the Star Tribune article on Koy Detmer, he isn't just unique, or funny. He may be Obsessive-Compulsive.

Here's the key graf, as far as I'm concerned: [W]hen Detmer shows up Saturday to catch the team bus, he won't have a travel bag. He will have his playbook and perhaps his cell phone. He will have a toothbrush shoved in his pocket. And that's it.

Essentially, ever since Koy entered the league, he goes to Target at the beginning of the year, buys an outfit, and wears it for every single road trip. He doesn't pack a change of clothes. He doesn't pack anything at all. Not an extra pair of underwear (former Philly and current Viking teammate Artis Hicks rather optimistically suggests, "I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing he turns his underwear inside out on the way home."

This is not just eccentric behavior, no? This is mental illness, right? I know, before you can judge, you have know Koy's thinking behind the "leave for a weekend, bring nothing but the clothes on your back" philosophy. Surely, he has a reason.

Well, um, not so much:

"I can't really say why I do it," Detmer said. "It just started out that I did it and it just didn't change. I don't have to worry about leaving stuff or wonder where everything is at. That's always a pain, walking off feeling like you left something."

To avoid leaving something behind, he BRINGS NOTHING. Koy Detmer, believe it or not, has made more money in the past five years than you will make your entire life. And yet, for fear of leaving a pair of jeans in a hotel somewhere, he refuses to bring a change of clothes. People who do shit like this have usually gone through a traumatic experience. Koy Detmer isn't a Holocaust survivor. He's a career NFL QB--he can afford to lose a pair of fucking of jeans.

He's a goofy ass Mormon with some serious mental issues. He's also better than Tavaris Jackson. Jeff George is looking better every day.

Occasionally the reminder that Minnesota is different than the DC area slaps one in the face.


Like when the state's First Lady unveils her butter head sculpture.



Photo by Jennifer Simonson, Star Tribune

Terry Bradshaw! Sorry we do not have any winners this week in the IDYFT MNF Tea-bagging sweepstakes. Next week we have San Fran at Seattle: my pick is The Rock! Yes, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Wager in my friends.

Well, not necessarily in the fast lane.

LB Justin Durant was arrested after being found asleep near a highway exit ramp with an open container. Even sadder, OT Richard Collier was arrested for falling asleep at a McDonald's drive-through window.

Three-time Pro-Bowler DT Marcus Stroud was slapped with a four-game suspension for steroids. The combined record of the 5-3 Jaguars next four opponents? 21-11.

I'm not a doctor, but with the Jags wounded at QB, the OL depleted by injury and fat rednecks everywhere, it isn't a leap to expect them to be 5-7 by the end of Stroud's suspension, and well removed from postseason hopes.

Nothing to smile about. And certainly nothing to dance about.

Something to beat a Kentucky with, apparently.

The College Basketball season is off to a fun start, with something called Gardner-Webb not just beating Kentucky, but destroying them, jumping out to 14-0 lead, and never looking back.

To quote the ghost of George Washington, "We had quitters in the Revolutionary War. We called them 'Kentuckians.'"

The Winner of the IDYFT March Clinically Insane Tournament had her prize delivered this past weekend. It only took us a couple of a couple of months to get it done.

Hey man, do you want the job done right, or the job done quickly? Because you surely can't have both.

Here's the winning Jesus Statue in all its glory. Congrats to Jess, who, it must be said, is sounding a bit cocky. I would shit talk, but she also says that I am charming and handsome, so you know, picking on someone that addled just seems mean. Eventual Winner of the Football Pick'em, you see? This is proof that you too can have Jesus playing sports in your home. It may take awhile, but it will happen.

Update 4-5-12 for folks who are coming from ESPN.

Hey, thanks for stopping by. Sorry, the video of Koy Detmer whipping out his cock and pretending to slap it against some lady is no longer extant. But I saw it when it happened, and saw the video again in the last couple of years, and I have to say, if that was a belt that Koy Detmer was pulling out, it was a belt he was keeping inside his pants. Which is not where I keep my belts, but who knows with those crazy Mormons, right?

So I don't have the video anymore, but we do have this reaction from way back in 1999. Mike Freeman in the New York Times wrote: (my emphasis, where needed)

Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Koy Detmer celebrated each of his three touchdown passes last week in, well, an unusual way. After every touchdown Detmer would, while standing, simulate what could only be seen as a sexual act. On the field. During the game. Detmer calls the move the ''whuppin' stick'' and says the action, which includes the swaying of his hips, is his way of dancing. Detmer's little post-touchdown show isn't original, actually. It's been done on some of the more raunchy music videos for years. Only now has the move made its way to the football field. A National Football League team official who saw Detmer's ''dance'' on a cable sports highlights show thought, as the broadcasters did, that the act was inappropriate.

So that happened, even if the video is scrubbed from the Internet, which says a lot about the power of the NFL to self-edit. But it fucking happened. and it was awesome. That is all.

UPDATE 11/9/07: Koy Detmer might be a little mentally ill.

As muumuuman previously reported, with much deserved derision, Koy Detmer is a Viking.

However, Muumuuman neglected to mention that sets up a reunion this Sunday of Koy Detmer and Brett Favre.

We've talked about this before, but let us quote Don Banks who described their first meeting in a rather G-Rated way.

If you've forgotten, Detmer reproduced a bizarre and semi-obscene gesture from that bastion of pop culture, Beavis and Butthead, and incorporated it into a little mid-field dance. Facing Favre and the Packers, Detmer executed a move that came to be called "the whip."

Now, here's how we described it:

I think it had to have been 4th quarter when this happened because the Detmer celebration (after throwing a TD) was one that no Detmer, and no QB, really, would make without thinking the game was in hand. Detmer "simulated" reaching into his pants, digging out his cock, and then slapping some chick's ass as he did her from behind. Stockton and his partner said something like, "Wow, that's some crazy dance from Detmer." No, it wasn't a dance. He was miming pulling out his cock, and slapping a chick on the ass! Favre gets back on the field, drives down the field, and chucks a TD pass. He, looking right at Detmer, apes the cock-whipping out dance. The TV people are oblivous: "Favre's mocking Detmer's crazy dance!"

For the love of God, let Brook Bollinger get injured so the Detmer/Favre simulating doggy-style pantomine can have a Part Deux. Please, please, please!

And now again, for posterity, is the video (we had it before, and it got removed, for some reason)

Dan of DC Sports Bog says so. So if you ever wanted to watch the Blog Show, but hoped it would have just a touch of the IDYFT flavor, tonight at 5:30 pm (EST) is your chance. Most likely, we'll be feted for our YouTube excavation of the Jacoby/May TheaterVision commercial from 1984. And then Dan and Jamie will move on to actual sports, probably. The shows also appear on YouTube after the streaming is done.

To be clear: We will not actually be appearing in any way. Just our handiwork, maybe. If Dan is to be trusted. As you all know, we here at IDYFT have some trust issues with sportswriters.

This will be as powerful a media source that I've personally been even tangentially related to since I was the captain of my 1996 high school trivia team, going down against the hated Bishop O'Connell Jackanapes.

Incidentally, fellow Washington Area Nerd Diaspora, not only is It's Academic still on TV, they have not changed the set in over 20 years (it appears exactly as it does on my videotape of my appearance), and Mac McGarry is still hosting. He actually appears to have reversed the aging process, as this video from 2005 shows him to look quite a bit younger than he did when I was on. Creepy.

Via Neatorama, we learn of this once somewhat popular event/sport(?) from Sweden. (neatorama says Sweden; everything about the video says Denmark. Just assume it came from someplace cold, dark, Vikingy and full of angst that isn't the Metrodome).

I humbly submit America needs this, so we can here at IDYFT can gamble on it.

"$100 on Professor Puffytail gets over 3 feet!"
"$100 on Sonny Lisbun."
"Dude, you are throwing your money away. Sonny Lisbun is washed up and all high on bennies."

It would be nice to go a year (or hell, a month) without reading a story about Minnesotan students donning blackface, and then being shocked (SHOCKED!) to learn that it was deemed offensive but their fellow students.

Six football players at Hamline University are the newest to learn that using "blackface and body paint to dress up as African tribesmen" for Halloween might not be the smartest thing to do. Getting help from cheerleaders who then post the photos on Facebook is also pretty damn stupid.

But of course, they are misunderstood. Also apparently misunderstood? The photos appearing on Facebook had the caption, "Spooks."

Budding PR flack, sophomore Tasha Simmons, identified in the article as a friend of the students involved, attempted to explain away that one:

"If you would have seen them, you would have been spooked out. Most [students] don't correlate that term with the '50s," she said.

I'm pretty sure I'm not buying that excuse. Follow the reasoning, such as it is. The photo was captioned with the noun form of a verb describing how people seeing the costumes would have reacted. Using that logic, were the photos of (let's assume here) the Sexy Nurse captioned with, "Derisive Horndog"?

Oh, and let's not forget the pure coincidence that the caption happened to be a racist term as well. As if the phrase "spooked out" is far more common in our current vernacular.


Dear College Students: As a public service, I'm going to provide a couple of rules you can follow to avoid getting in trouble with your Halloween costume, and finding yourself on the front page of your local paper.

1. Don't dress in blackface. Even if you are planning a respectful homage to Desmond Tutu, or Thurgood Marshall, don't do it.

2. Don't caption photos of your friends in blackface using terms that could be "misinterpreted" as racist slurs.

Follow those rules, and you should be fine.

The Washington Redskins took a long time to bounce back from their ignoble pasting of a week ago, but came away with a win on the road against a bad team. Until then, they looked out-played and less disciplined than the one-win Jets with a first-time starter at QB.

In fact, the Redskins started the Fudgefest when their highly-ranked cover team was beaten for a TD on the opening kickoff by the NFL's top-ranked returner (Lil' Leon). The Redskins D was exploited by the inexperienced but promising Jets QB Clemens, who ran well and threw to wide-open receivers.

The Redskins established the ground game early, just as they established big hits on Jets WRs. By the 4th Quarter, in a pattern I've seen develop this year, the physical intimidation began to pay dividends. WRs began wilting over the middle, and showed little interest in catching passes.
In the first three quarters of play, Clemens completed 65% of his passes. In the fourth quarter and overtime, Clemens only completed 42%. The game-changing play was the 4th quarter reception by a Jets WR who was hammered by CB Springs, forcing a fumble recovered by #30, rookie S Laron Landry (who is developing very well). That happens to be lil' Brian "Hall of Fame" Mitchell's number, so he has a lot to live up to. While still prone to undisciplined personal fouls and blown coverages, Landry crushed the Jets all over the field. With S Sean Taylor dinged up, this had to happen for the Skins to win.

Punching holes through the bottom-ranked Jets run defense was similarly cashed in late in the game. Through the first three quarters, the Redskins ran for an impressive 5.2 yards per rush. In the fourth quarter and overtime, the Redskins ran for a season-best 7.5 yards per rush.

I like this style of play. Against good teams, the offense must be able to pass the football while waiting to cash in on the ass-kicking. This was their first comeback victory of the year, largely because we weren't exhausted in the 4th quarter.

I loved the surprise onside kick. Perhaps inspired by the Virginia Tech onside kick, it fanned the Redskins flames and got them into halftime only down by a TD. It also allowed special teams to make up for its early gaff, and Suisham's perfect 5-5 day was the final difference in this one.

With the right side of our line on injured reserve, our offensive line's personnel is as good as it can be this year. I finally saw them begin to jell, albeit against a certifiably flawed Jets D-Line. The strength of their next opponent is, unfortunately, their D-Line.

Next week the 5-3 Redskins host the broken-winged 3-5 Eagles. Despite ranking twelfth in points allowed per game and being tied for third in sacks, the Eagles are not healthy or growing up in a nurturing home environment. I expect a close game, but the Redskins will beat the pass-whacky Eagles by throwing body shots all night, getting the knockout in the 4th quarter.

On a quick tour through the rest of the IDYFT Cup, the Packers, Vikings and Lions had impressive wins over mediocre AFC teams. Perhaps the tide is turning, and middle-pack NFC teams are now better than middle-pack AFC teams. In a few years, the NFC may be able to challenge the elites in the Superbowl.

The Raiders should address the issue of a QB for the 2009 season.

Special thanks to rookie RB Adrian Peterson (296 yards vs. Chargers, leading the NFL in rushing yards and TDs and on pace for 2,000 yards). Nerf Turner was rubbing his face and pouting just like always, but he's not wearing the burgundy and gold anymore so I can finally laugh.

Don't look now, but if the playoffs were held today, the Lions & Giants & Browns would be going.

Next Week: the Packers host the Vikings in a game with strong bearing on the IDYFT Cup.

Whoops, how did this Halloween picture get in?

According to the "Ladies" (quotes purposeful and sarcastic) Carmello Anthony is attractive. Buh? Snuh. If one were to ask me, subtract the 30 million dollars, we're looking at a corn-rowed Cabbage Patch Kid. To each their own, I guess. I guess weird looking babies can be hot.
(The Ladies are sick fucks)

Moving on to more substantial matters (relatively. It is still sports, after all), our one Black Woman friend at Leave the Man Alone laces into Andy Reid, and media's deferment to him. It should be noted that the Judge was not so kind, either. We can not overstate how much we love this woman, or her site. Go visit her, already!

We encourage people to rag on A-Rod. This Suit is Not Black is doing so. We will link to her takedown of A-Rod.

Kickette rises in our esteem a bit when she points out that Roy Keane is much manlier than David Beckham, even when Becks dresses like an immigrant farmer.

It almost feels as though we are getting to the point where parents running amok at children's sporting events is passe.

But the trend has finally reaching the backward backwater of Wisconsin. From the AP:

MILWAUKEE — A youth football coach was charged Thursday with misdemeanor counts of battery and disorderly conduct on accusations he beat and cursed at a 12-year-old who injured his son during practice.

The coach says he "lost his cool." Unfortunately for him, his own program director seemed to see something a little beyond temporary loss of coolness: "Our coach went nuts, he picked up the kid and threw him to the ground and then stood over him''. Apparently the standing over the kid was accompanied by a lot of swearing.

Nice work, dick! Dick in question, Michael John Crawley Jr., 39, is now looking at possibly a fine or some jail time, or maybe a bit of both. I'm putting the over/under on jailtime at 60.5 days (out of a possible year) and a fine of $7,500 (out of a possible $11,000).

Betting starts now!

Jason Elam has written a novel. Actually, co-written. With his pastor. A football novel. With spies in it. And murderous Islamocists coming to strike the heartland. And football. Thankfully, Jason has realized the ridiculousness of having a NFL Kicker that fought in Afghanistan and came back to the NFL and then got recruited to help fight Evil Muslims--his character, Riley Covington, is a linebacker. See? Now it makes sense.

I don't want to be a total dick, but there's exactly 1 player who left the NFL to go fight in Afghanistan, and he didn't come back alive, and I have a hard time believing that Pat Tillman would agree with the worldview espoused in the book. It seems a bit perverse to me to co-opt him (not him--Tillman was a safety!) to write a novel coming from the mind of a guy who is getting his Masters via Liberty University, the institution founded by the man who "outed" Tinky-Winky, Jerry Falwell.

Jason Elam is confident in his ability to get in the heads of sinners, though: "If Osama bin Laden himself were to pick up this book and read it, I'd want him to say, 'Yeah, that's why I do what I do. That's how I justify, how I reconcile, that's what I believe.' "I'm really trying to take people into the mind of this person as best I could and really show the why; not just what they believe, but the why."

Did I mention the title yet? It is so fucking apt it kind of hurts a little. Look for Monday Night Jihad early in 2008, assuming the Islamofacists haven't killed us all by then.

Update:
We see that 100% Injury Rate beat us to this. But good Lord (blasphemy!) there's enough weird to share, yeah?

About a year ago, I offered up a hug to Liz Kelly at the Washington Post for finding the old Jhoon Rhee commerical. Those of us who grew up in DC loved this commercial, and the (at least) decade old run it had on local TV. One of our friends, the Editor, over at Sanford Soccer Net promised to hug us tightly if we ever found the old TheaterVision ad with Joe Jacoby and Mark May. We looked, couldn't find it, and forgot about.

Then we were reading over at Mister Irrevelant that a bunch of Washington players are in their first year of eligibility for the Hall of Fame. They are focused on the very HOFer like Darrell Green, who should clearly be in the Fame ASAP. But they also mention Jacoby and May, and I was inspired to search again. Jesus was clearly on my side today. I believe Jacoby and May deserve to be in the HOF (and Heaven too when the time comes, Jesus) simply for this commercial alone. Anything that creates this much joy should be worthy of recognition.

So here you are, Sanford and fellow children of the DC Area. Reminiscence, for real. (Also, Sanford, don't be all like Kyle and try to get out of our deal. We HAD A DEAL, KYLE)

Enjoy.