Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Minnesota Infected With Hillbilly Savior Flu

Obviously, the big NFL free-agent news is whether Brett Favre may end up a Viking by the end of business on Friday.  ESPN is talking about it, rumors are flying, and even we ourselves are not immune.   Hillbilly Savior Flu has infected the country, but Ground Zero is the Twin Cities, and Ground Zero-Point-Zero is the Minneapolis Star Tribune.

As of this writing, The Strib's  "Most Viewed Stories" widget, which is always 10 stories deep, has no less than 4 stories about Favre possibly coming to Minnesota.  (And one about KFC's bullshit free chicken promo.  Seriously!)

So, judging by readership, Minnesota cares about Favre more than anything else, with free chicken, Star Trek, softball controversy and the Twins rain-delayed loss tied for a distant second.

What do our Four Smarties of the Favrpocalype have to say?  There is not total agreement.

Our first story is simple reporting--bloodless, not taking sides.  Classic journalism.  Boring, you might say.  Judd Zeglund and Chip Scoggins (their real names, I assume) report that Vikings KICK-ASS Head Coach Brad Childress is meeting with B. Favre, and the topic of conversation will be biceps surgery.  They also report that Vikings WR Bernard Berrian is like a girl talking about her first time.  Zeglund and Scoggins don't say that outright, because they are gentlemen, but I am not one, and here is Berrian's money quote (if you will), "I try not to get too caught up in it because I don't want to get too overexcited, thinking that he's coming and then all of a sudden he doesn't[.]"

Old Man Sid Hartman is next, and he says that the Vikings Ownership is hurting financially, and that a Brett Favre, provided that he is healthy enough to play, will do wonders in terms of bringing people back to the Metrodome.  I quote:  "the economy has hurt not only the Vikings' ticket sales, but also all of the advertising and other revenue sources...An announcement that Favre is a Viking will bring back the interest in a hurry, helping both on the field and in generating revenue."

Without judging whether it is a good idea for the team or not, Hartman seems to think that it would be a good idea for the owners (the Wilfs (not a porn term--it is their last name.  You perverts looking to fuck wombats will have to look elsewhere)).  So Hartman thinks that ownership will be inclined to sign Favre from a pure bottomline frame of mind.  Shockingly, Hartman has adopted the Owner's frame of mind.  

Let's get into partisan discussion.  We've got a genuine Pro vs. Con Columnist battle brewing!  

In the against Favre corner, we've Jim Souhan, five foot nothing, 100 and nothing, without a speck of athletic ability, and he's walked onto a pretty mediocre sportsdesk!  After making all the points that Sid makes, about how signing Favre would be GREAT for filling seats, advertisement revenue and the like (but making them seem like bad things) Jim says, "Favre is the supermodel who maxes out your credit cards. He is the sports car that wipes out your bank account. He is enticing, and he is captivating, and he is trouble."  Souhan knows what of he speaks, because he was fucking that trampy sports car of his on the regular, before it took off with his wife.  Or maybe I read his point wrong.

Into the Pro-Favrian Camp, waddles Mark Craig.  He says that Favre is a perfect fit.  Now, one might argue with a 40 year old quarterback being a "perfect fit" anywhere, aside from a Barcalounger, or maybe a Reality show on the now defunct Outdoor Living Network,  sponsored by Wranglers.  But Craig has a point:  "From a purely football IQ perspective, signing a healthy Favre is a no-brainer. He'd be in a West Coast offense that's similar to what he ran in Green Bay. He also would be paired with a great running game and a solid defense, both of which should lessen Favre's desire to take risks with the football."

"Yes, Favre throws interceptions. But here's a stat for you: In the 29 games before his arm and shoulder began hurting last season, Favre threw 23 more touchdown passes than interceptions (53-30) and led the Packers to an NFC title game."

Counters Souhan:  "Look at Favre's postseason history. He won one Super Bowl, with a superior Packers team -- the same number as Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson."

That's an incredibly stupid argument.  That's one more Super Bowl than any Vikings QB has ever won, ever.  And one more than Tavaris Jackson or Sage Rosenfels will ever win, I'd wager.  One more than Dan Marino.  One less than Mark Rypien.  STUPID Argument, Souhan.

Craig says it isn't about ticket sales, or excitement, it is just about whether Brett can get in game shape, and if he can't?  Craig points out:  "[The Vikings] have room under the salary cap and nobody who's better at quarterback, and Favre wants to be here. And, oh yeah, it wouldn't cost them a draft pick or a player."

"Other than ESPN annexing Winter Park, where's the downside?"

I only have this add:  Dear Minnesota Viking fans.  You are a sad bunch.  But do you really think you will feel good about a Super Bowl that is won by Brett Favre?  Do you?  Really ask yourselves that.  I bet you won't. 

You'll be sullied.  Deep in your hearts.  

1 comment:

Andrew Wice said...

What was that about free fried chicken?