I Dislike Your Favorite Team

Nor should he be allowed to vote. On anything, ever again.

Twins back-up catcher Mike Redmond is known for being tough, and for being a pretty good hitter of the slap single to right field variety. He's an old grizzled vet who spends most of his time on the bench, backing up the best offensive catcher in recent memory. He is most definitely not known for his speed on the bases.

Dick Bremer and Creepy Massage Enthusiast Ron Coomer were wrapping up the Twins vs Kansas City, which featured a rare Joe Nathan blown save, and a rare Joe Nathan win.

Sure, the talk this week has been all about another creepy, sick video, but the lads over at FSN have a response. The Twins media folks have been doing some promotion work at Wisconsin vacation getaway city, the Wisconsin Dells. It's been horrible timing for it, as the weather has been the coldest it has ever been in 100 years for July in the northern midwest.

Bert Blyleven scored 19 runs in his 22 year career--14 runs in his 19 years in the AL and 5 more in his 3 years in the NL.

In all the NFL Draft hype and NBA Playoffs hype (which we haven't covered at all, because not a one of us seem to be able to care when we all know that the Final is about 90% certain to be Cleveland vs Lakers, with the Lakers winning in 7) and NHL hype, we've lost track a little bit on our beloved Minnesota Twins, who have been handing out some ass-kickings to the Cleveland Indians in some expected and unexpected ways.

When it is 9-2 in the 6th, and your Minnesota Twins offense has not looked particularly strong all year (aside from that 12-5 abberation against the Sox), you might start to flip around on the old TV remote hoping to find something more compelling.  But then you miss the absolute fun that is Dick Bremer and Bert Blyleven when they no longer have to talk about the game at hand.  I offer up two verbal recaps (without the express written consent of MLB or the Twins):

Mike Mussina is retiring.  He's coming off one of his better years, actually.  20 wins, Golden Glove, highest first strike percentage in the league.  But he's been pitching for 18 years, and he's clearly a guy with other interests.

Last night, the Twins almost got no-hit; tonight they exploded for 13 runs on 16 hits. Getting that many hits isn't actually a shock. As the totally awesome announcing crew of Bremer and Blyleven pointed out, the Twins tend to get at least 10 hits after getting one-hit.

Things that don't normally happen after getting one-hit include winning the next game (they looked to my bare eyeball to be roughly .500, even with at least 10 hits), or getting 5 RBI's from Nick Punto (which simply never happens) or a rookie hitting for the cycle, as Carlos Gomez did.

How rare is it for a Twin to hit for the Cycle? You have to go back to Kirby Puckett, before he had even one World Series ring--1986, for fuck's sake. Gomez went 4-6, with 2 strikeouts, though to be fair, his last strikeout came after he had hit for the cycle, and had come up to bat for the second time in the 9th, with the Twins leading 13-0. Can one blame him for flailing a bit? I can't.

Carlos Gomez, of course, part of the Santana trade. The idiots who comment on The Star Tribune are already saying, "oops, I guess this was a good trade. This guy hit for the cycle."

It was a good trade, but not because Gomez hit for the cycle on one night. It was a good trade because Santana was asking for money that only 3 franchises were willing to pay, and the Twins got good value in return, Carlos Gomez being one of those guys, who'd still rather bunt than swing, regardless of tonight. It was a good trade, but not on the basis of an admittedly historic night.

Of course, it would be easy, on the night that Carlos Gomez hit for the cycle (something that Torii Hunter, never, ever did) to pull some random quote from Patrick Reusse decrying the trade that sent Santana to the Mets, that gave the Twins Gomez, and room to sign veteran pitcher Livan Hernandez. Because it is easy, I will do so:

He's 22, he's played in the big leagues, he's the key to the trade, the Twins don't have another center fielder worth mentioning, and Gomez isn't a cinch to be the regular?

If he's not in center on March 31, and on merit, then the Twins waited seven weeks to make the worst deal possible.

Of course, Reusse positively draped is predictions in "ifs", but his argument is clear, yeah? If it isn't, I'll direct you here, where we discussed his freak-out in some detail. To be fair, though, the headline says it all--it was, "Waiting Game Works Perfectly...For the Mets."

Tell it to the Mets, fatty.

Scotty Baker didn't suck, and the bullpen did its job (Pat Neshek, who is The SubMariner and right-handed, is awesome having given up his 5th hit to left handers in 46 at bats. Have a seat Juan Rincon).

Bert Blyleven appeared on TV with his newly shaved head, per his promise to Johan Santana (who just got a nice write up in the City Pages last week). It should also be noted that Santana is a good looking man.

I have yet to find the video of the shaving, or even photos. I saw the shaving and the aftermath, and Trust me, dear reader(s) when I say these two things:

1. Santana was almost disturbingly gleeful as he shaved Bert's head. Did Bert wrong a young Johan in his Venezuelan village back in the mid-80's? Why so much joy in Bert's de-hairing?

2. Bert without his trademark 3/4" head stubble looks more intimidating. He looks like some 18th century Dutch pirate, who might drink rum with you, or kill you, fuck your eyeballs, and then use your skull to drink rum out of. Short hair Bert looked avuncular. No Hair Bert looks fucking dangerous.

(In researching Bert's new do, I found this blog, in which a couple of overly intelligent idiots liveblog Twins games. I like it!)

Until the Bert getting his head shaved shows up on YouTube, let us enjoy this clip that just recently showed up, in which Bert kids broadcast partner Dick Bremer about his bowling shirts.