As sometime contributor Garwood B. Jones almost sparked a riot at a low-grade professional wrestling match (do not question their patriotism, apparently) he knows a thing or two about heckling. He also once researched the family life of Tom Gugliotta in an attempt to be able to mock Tom's pets, which is pretty fucking awesome.
So, when I saw, via Deadspin, that the advice man for Fantasy Baseball over at McSweeney's is asking for help in heckling his fantasy team, I feel like I have to do my job to disseminate the information.
As he says:
At 3-5, my fantasy team is currently third (out of four) in my division and in desperate need of a nonsteroidal shot in the arm. The Illusionists(!) started the season with three quick losses, regrouped—thanks mostly to the resurgent Carlos Beltran—to climb back to the .500 mark, before losing another two, and, frankly, this sixth week isn't looking too promising.
It's not that these players lack talent, but it seems like they're not giving it the unrealistic 110 percent out there. And, as manager, it's time for me to take some action. Or, more accurately, you.
So, if you happen to see any of the following players at a ballpark near you, please send a heckle their way, before this season gets out of hand. Don't do it for me. Do it for my wallet.
This seems important to us, so please, go check out his roster. He even includes suggestions for the heckling. I personally enjoy asking Prince Fielder if he knows why his dad doesn't attend his games.