Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Group Gee Jiminy Wilikers, Radioactive Man

Did I mention that Tom Powers is a Stupid Fat Fuck? I think I may have.

Onto Group G, as I'm a little behind here, and the cup starts in like 48 hours, or less.

this another group that takes some serious lipstick to hide the pig. There's one aging, somewhat underserved #1 seed, an European also-ran, a hard working, but not very talented Asian team, and a young, athletic but overmatched African side. This is the type of the group that the US was praying to get into. And didn't.

South Korea

France. Old and overrated, and now without their other good striker, Cisse. Henry is almost enough to make this squad compelling, and is probably enough, with Zidane, to win first prize in this group of Summer School Students. That doesn't make them good. They won't get past the quarterfinals unless upsets happen elsewhere. And Barthez is a real, real psychotic type of question mark. They could go 3-0 with 1 goal against, or they could average 3 goals against. With this group, I lean towards the former. But no matter how impressive they end up looking, this isn't a real team. They are old, with one great player. One great player doesn't do it, no matter what fans of Maradona tell you.

Switzerland. Unknown, largely team. Their most famous player is probably Gygax, and some of that may be in part some confusion with the Mortal Kombat fighter of fame, Cyrax. But they were impressive in qualifying. Not crazy to think they could possibly finish in front of France.

South Korea: Impressive showing last Cup, held in um, South Korea. We'll see if Asian teams fare better in Europe. I'm doubtful. But their high-energy, run all over the field, style of play, cultivated running around in the DMZ gives them a lift against countries that don't have zones of death, like France and Switzerland. they tend to suffer key injuries at bad times. Call it the curse of Kim Jong Il, or the curse of Harry Truman. Your worldview, your choice.

Togo: Based on the enjoyment American sportswriters have had with such a basic name like Togo (references to Toga!, references to-go, etc) we should all be glad that Djibouti isn't in the World Cup. But Togo had a long run of luck, or magic, or whatever. They probably don't belong here, compared to either Nigeria or Cameroon. They do deserve to be here. They finished better than those teams, but they are far less talented. This is the Mr. Irrelevant of the World Cup. The Bob Eucker. The USA of 1998. Unless something really crazy happens, ladies and gentlemen, we probably our 32nd place finisher right here, and given this group, that's saying something. They may give S. Korea a game, but I'll be shocked if they win or tie a team in this group. Which is a nice way of saying that I'll be shocked if they don't lose every game. But if they were to beat anyone, I'd rank them in this order: South Korea, France, Switzerland.

Final Thoughts: I'm shocked I'm doing it, but I call Switzerland the winner of this group, with France a very close second. Could come down to goal differential.

1 comment:

mcSey said...

Little known fact:

The Swiss star is the son of Dungeons and Dragons creator E. Gary Gygax. It's true.

(no its not).