Saturday, September 01, 2007

Rodney Harrison Cheats? Get Out of Here!

Rodney Harrison is going to be banned for four games. For (presumably) HGH; not, he wishes to makes clear, steroids. Because apparently steroids are a lot worse than HGH. I mean, really, Rodney, you got caught cheating. Does it matter what you were doing?

"Officer, I swear to you I'm not high on cocaine. I'm off my nut on meth, but I'd never do coke!"

And so the sheen on the Patriots pearly smile continues to to darken. Tom Brady makes women pregnant and then hate him. Rodney was dealing with illicit hormone technology. Bill Belichek does all sorts of crazy shit the press reports and then moves away from as quickly as possible. Randy Moss may pretend to drop his trousers again, assuming he ever catches another touchdown.

Minor beef here. I've got nothing but sad acceptance that the referring to one's own self in the third person isn't ever going away. If David Cross couldn't kill it with his in-your-face stand-up routine, nothing could. But what Big Blue Monkey would like is if players making apologies for fucking up could stay in one voice. First person or third person. Pick one, and run with it.

This quote is unacceptable to Big Blue Monkey

"This is something that Rodney Harrison did, and Rodney Harrison did alone. My teammates didn't do it. As they prepare for the Jets and games after that, I would ask that you give them the respect, not badger them with questions because they don't have any information."

Dammit Rodney! Pick a voice, and stick with it! Not "my teammates"; Rodney Harrison's teammates!

Look for more shoes to drop, as Wade Wilson(!) also admitted to receiving HGH while working for the Bears. I'm assuming he was not ordering said hormone for himself. Wade Wilson is already a massive, handsome man. So, who on the Bears might be getting a little extra help?


Andrew Wice said...

I think HGH use is most frequent when players are trying to come back from a career-threatening injury.

Older players in particular are slower to heal, and one thing HGH does is speed healing time, especially to joints and muscles.

The next time you see a veteran trying to come back from a serious injury (I don't want to guess at names because that is defamatory), consider whether he could be desperate enough to hit the HGH (which is proven to work, obviously) and gamble on getting caught if they make the team.

Andrew Wice said...

Andrew Wice meant to write something about picking a voice, and sticking with it. Andrew Wice didn't mean to skip over this point, and Andrew Wice really didn't mean to slip into plural ("if they make the team"). Andrew Wice meant to write "if he makes the team," and for this I am sorry.

Monkeesfan said...

Tom Brady didn't make women hate him. Harrison will serve the four games and come back clean and will lead the Patriots defense forward.