Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Julius Jones Carries Cliche 2 yards, Fumbles

Julius Jones, 'starting' running back for the Dallas Cowboys, is having some trouble getting started this year. Combine that with some of ways he got taken out of games last year, whilst toiling for SuperGenius (tm) Bill Parcells, you might wonder if he has gotten a little frustrated.

The answer, maybe, is "no."

To quote Mr. Jones, "No, I'm not frustrated. It's a long season...I'm going to stay positive."

Sounds pretty straightforward, but what is meaning of this statement? (By the by, he does use the phrase "it's a long season" twice in three sentences. That's rather alarming right there. JJ is not feeling DYNOMITE!)

"It's a long season - it's a race, not a marathon. I'm going to keep my head in the game."

Let's break this down a second:

1. A marathon is a type of race.

2. A marathon is a long race. A sprint is a race that is short.

3. Long seasons, in which you are being patient and keeping your head in the game are typically, in the classic sport cliche, marathons.

4. Are you really keeping your head in the game when fuck up a basic metaphor like this?

Julius mishandled the cliche here badly. He's got fumble-itis of the cliche! Holy shit, even Tony Boselli gets his cliches right, and he was an offensive lineman, and they don't get much thicker than that. (oh, snap!) I also leave open the possibility that he was misquoted by the intrepid reporter of, but I don't particularly enjoy that possibility.

Not to be a complete Minnesota boy here, but I do believe that prophet/savior/Hibbing native Bobby Zimmerman predicted this exact moment, in his song, Ballad of a Thin Man

You try so hard
But you don't understand
Just what you'll say
When you get home

Because something is happening here
But you don't know what it is
Do you, Mister Jones?

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