I Dislike Your Favorite Team

Sure, we could talk about that unbelievable college football game, but we didn't watch it, and we aren't going to pretend that we did. That said, I hail from a region not far from Appalachian State, and I am awfully proud of those blue-skinned inbreds.

We thought we might mention some of the news you missed will trying to decide to handcuff DeDe Dorsey to Joseph Addai. (You probably should. I'm going to.)

80's kid star news: Brian Bonsall, best known as the Family Ties late-series cute kid/albatross of death, got probation for being a total dick to his girlfriend. And I don't mean not showing up for a big anniversary because he was playing cards with his buddies. I mean, "He was arrested in March after his girlfriend told police he poured an alcoholic drink on her face while she slept, put her in a choke hold and threw her onto a bed when she tried to leave." I'm sorry, but how is that probation? And girlfriend, why are you back with this asshole?

Southern Nerd News: Atlanta had their Sci-Fi Parade. the story starts with the tale of Allen Hansard, who decided that he didn't want to dress up as an overly popular superhero, so he designed a Hawkman costume, and an Atom costume for his brother. I can understand not wanting to be one of 100 Supermen, but fucking Hawkman, really? Carter fucking Hall? Boo, I say, boo.

Yahoo has a huge gallery of these nerds in action, including Two Boba Fetts, which I guess is fair, and he was the genetic basis for the Clone Army. Which was stupid. If you had an army of Boba Fetts, they would be rebellious and cantankerous, and much cooler than your average Stormtrooper.

Ladies Sports News: Polish teen gives Sharapova the Shocker. I may have (willfully) misread that headline. All the same, Sharapova is out early at the US Open, and Roger Federer had to beat some genetic tennis freak--a 6' 9" cat who was serving in the 130 mph range.

I watched a bit of that match, and I actually felt, for a split second, that Federer was the underdog. Fighting giants isn't on his resume.

I've also been watching a fair amount of the Track and Field World Championships on Versus, which has done a pretty credible job, assembling a lot of the talent NBC used back when Track & Field were important. And I've got a serious crush on the lead-off runner for the US Women's 4 x 400 relay. For some reason, Google searches on the 1600 meter relay are giving me bubkis. Hopefully, my mystery crush will be running in the final, too.

Lady Business News: Ladies, we like your business as it is. You really don't need a "designer vagina." If you are afraid your man will break up with you because you don't have a porn star vagina, you are dating the wrong man. Consider dating (or more accurately, sleeping with) an open-minded, handsome blogger instead.

This paragraph just makes me sad. Restored hymen? Why?

Still, procedures such as revirginization, which seeks to create the effect of a restored hymen, and G-spot amplification, in which a filling agent is injected into the front inner wall of the vagina, have no clear medical indication and therefore little justification, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.

Cryptozoology News: Phylis Canion thinks some roadkill in Texas might be the mythical chupacabra. It looks likes a fucked up dog to me, but who knows?