Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Legion of Doom Nominee: Ficticious characters?

How about some Legion of Doom nominees from classic sports movies? It's so much easier when the villainy is scripted. And unlike Manfred Ewald who received probation, these jackasses all get their comeuppance.

In no particular order, here are my top 5 sports movie villains of all time:
  1. Rachel Phelps (Margaret Whitton) as that tramp who bought the Indians and tried to make them lose in Major League. Boo! That's just about the lowest form of sports villain there is. Just because I jerked off to that cardboard cutout of her doesn't mean she wasn't evil.
  2. Phillip Elias (Larry Miller) in Necessary Roughness. The bitter Dean of Texas State and their Fighting Armadillos shows up on this list for the same reasons as Rachel Phelps though I don't believe I ever jerked off to his blurry, paused image.
  3. Lance Burkhardt (ably played by professional surfer Laird Hamilton) in North Shore. Rude, arrogant, and partial to scantily clad 12-year old girls at his lavish parties? C'mon! Rick Kane, fresh off learning how to duck dive would have won the big surf competition but for Burkhardt pulling his chain. (Thanks, for noticing Turtle)
  4. Teddy KGB (John Malkovich) in Rounders. If it's not really a sport then why is it on ESPN 6 hours a day? He's a cheater and he'll splee-ash the peeyot if he vants to spleeash the peeyot. His Russian-ness provides an extra point on the evil scale and gets him on this list.
  5. John Kreese - Cobra Kai Sensei (Martin Kove) in Karate Kid. I still get the willies when I hear Kreese coldly tell Johnny to "sweep the leg." Brrrrrr.

As a big Nat X fan, I think five is a perfect number for this list but I'd be happy to read more. I think Big Ern McCracken from Kingpin is too cool but maybe that guy that eats pieces of shit for breakfast from Happy Gilmore?


Big Blue Monkey said...

I don't cotton to them fancy bullet points, I reckon.

Garwood B. Jones said...

They were numbers in the "create blog" window but now that you mention it, they do look like cotton.

Garwood B. Jones said...

oooh, what about the guy that has the gun in The Last Boy Scout and pulls it out during the game and starts shooting the opposing team before killing himself? Now that's evil.

Badcock said...

We all know that golf is not a sport, but what about Judge Smails in Caddyshack. He's an influence-peddling, corrupt, elitist selfish prick who cheats during the final showdown golf battle. Until overcome by the good guys cheating to win, when Rodney "Hey Wang, don't let them know you're Jewish" Dangerfield fakes an injury so that Danny "Can You Name This Actor?" Noonan can take over.

Did you guys see that part?

Big Blue Monkey said...

Anyone who thinks that Michael O'Keefe faded away into obscurity after Caddyshack has been living in a desert for the last 10 years. He's had numerous important guest appearances on just about every single Law & Order, Roseanne, The West Wing, and was regularly tagging Bonnie Raitt back when that meant something.

Also, like badcock, he fancies himself a zen enthusiast.

Barnyard said...

It's extremely refreshing to finally see John Kreese's mug on this blog.


Muumuuman said...

What about Major Karl Von Steiner from the movie Victory?