Saturday, September 23, 2006

Finally, an Angle on the Ryder Cup I can Dig

Goodly American Christian Men, vs. the Godless Whores of Babylon of Europe.

Now that's fucking Golfing, Baby!

Quoth Tom Lehman:

“Just because you’re competitive, that doesn’t mean you’re not a Christian. Christians can compete with anyone at any time,” Lehman said. “Meek doesn’t mean weak.”

Quoth Merriam-Webster:
Meek: 2 : deficient in spirit and courage
3 : not violent or strong

So, aside from the times meek does in fact mean weak, it doesn't mean weak, I guess.

"[Lehman] even had Nelson, an accomplished woodworker at the age of 94, craft a small wooden keepsake for each player and coach with a Bible verse, Psalm 18:29, “With your help I can advance against a troop, with my God I can scale a wall,” perfect for a team facing long golfing odds."

Psalms? PSALMS? That's bloody Jew talk! Where's the New Testament help for Godly Christian Golfers?

All of this reminds me of a joke:

Moses and Jesus are playing golf. They are on a par 5 hole, with a large water hazard that demands that players either lay-up, or risk hitting water to get to an Eagle Chance. Moses lays up. Jesus steps up, and hits a deep drive, right into the middle of the pond. Moses sighs, parts the water, picks up Jesus' ball, and brings it back to him. Jesus, still has his driver in hand, and proceeds to hit another drive right into the pond. Moses parts the water again, returns the ball to Jesus, and says, "I'm not parting the water again, Jesus. Lay up."

Jesus refuses to listen to reason, and hits the ball again, right into the pond. Seeing that Moses was serious about not helping him with his ball anymore, Jesus walks on the surface of the pond, looking for his ball.

Moses turns to his caddy, and whispers, "Motherfucker thinks he's Jack Nicklaus."

Which is my way of saying, Jesus if he exists, if he ever existed (doubtful) doesn't give two shits about the fucking Ryder Cup. Positing this epic battle that happens all the time as a test of religious conviction is just fucking stupid.

thanks bpsports! You are truly awesome, and loved in the site of the Almighty, especially when he's got money on the USA!

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