Thursday, September 28, 2006

Can't Sleep--Mascot Will Eat Me.


Organisers of the 2008 European football championship unveiled two spiky-haired twins as the tournament's official mascots but said the pair were yet to be named.

The pair, whose haircuts are intended to resemble the mountains of host nations Austria and Switzerland, will be christened next month following a naming competition among supporters.

Fans in the two countries can choose from the names "Zagi and Zigi", "Flitz and Bitz" or "Trix and Flix".

However, one newspaper has already pointed out that "Zigi" is a slang word in the Swiss German dialect for "cigarette".

"Trix" is also more commonly used as a girl's name in Switzerland (an abbreviation for Beatrice or Beatrix), prompting one journalist to ask about the gender of the mascots.
"They are both boys – I assume," was the hesitant reply of Austrian football association president Friedrich Stickler.

There's a lot of wrong going on here. Are they wearing masks, or is their hair covering their face, like one of those brave wolfboys who show up on Maury Povich? And why little boys as a mascot? Its demeaning, dammit. This is the second best soccer tournament in the World, and the best we're going to see for the next 4 years--why infantilize with this fucked up mascotting?
(that's right--mascotting. It might be a word. You don't know that it isn't).

Second of all, let's face it--it's a bit on the creepy side, too. I don't know what the fascination is with little boys over there in Europe, but this looks to a bit like Bart Simpson, filtered through the eyes of meth-addled pedophile --"I see that little boy from the TV, but he's a devil now. I know he's a devil because he's got fire for hair! He's here to tempt me! Go away, Devil!"

You know, though-- perhaps I'm being too harsh. It's just a drawing of the mascots. I should wait until I see the actual physical costume.

I'm so very frightened. That's IT, Austria & Switzerland--no more mascot designing for you. Just put down the mascot designing tools and walk away from the mascot designing table. Go sit in the corner. Go make some clocks and chocolate and shit. Stick with what you know.

"Thanks" to Sanford for directing me to this fucking nightmare.


Garwood B. Jones said...

Do those red and white 4-fingered, masked freaks remind you of anyone?

Yes, the Dominoes Pizza "Noid".

Seriously, I think that he's at least a distant cousin.

Big Blue Monkey said...

the noid has a fansite?

Badcock said...

I did not think it could be possible for soccer to get any gayer. I stand corrected.

Muumuuman said...

How would either of them head the ball with spikes growing out of thier skull? Or, can they use that growth on thier head like a hand to catch and catapult the ball toward goal, and if they do is that a handball? I'm all Flitzed and Bitzed here...

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

the hairdo represents fucking mountains? looks more like one of the Simpsons' kids -- most notably Lisa...but hey, it's international. they don't always have it all together over ther.