Monday, April 30, 2007

Replies to Posts Shall Be Graded & Mocked

You know we're all desperate for football (we've only been without it for three months, folks) when we're sparring over issues swirling around Mock Draft 2007. Nonetheless, Jerry No-Wood offers his best vitriol in a shameful spasm of self-righteous outrage, specious reasoning and inadequate proofreading.

If this is a boring argument, please consider this as an IDYFT scrimmage. Go read the post about the crazy Jap babies.

1) My comparison between Plunkett and Russell was a gag, No-Wood. While they have the long ball in common, I was thinking about their personal appearance. Plunkett: pock-marked, evidence of retardation, Mexican-American. Russell: enormous, serious, African-American. Al Davis: some creepy old lady in a tracksuit, smellin' like sauerkraut.

2) My point about Detroit drafting WRs remains solid, No-Wood. One definition of a psychosis is when someone keeps doing the same thing in expectation of a different result. Detroit keeps drafting WRs in their yearly top-three pick. Boners like you who praise the addition of a WR to a team that can't block, run or throw (never mind defense) are just fucking stupid. I played football for nine years, No-Wood, and I've played every position except center, punter and kicker. Don't try to throw your feces at me, monkey. Just because you were too busy cadging smokes behind the dumpster at the 7-11 to play football, don't assume everyone else is as slow, uncoordinated and white as you. You do have nice hair though, I'll give you that.

3) You wanted the Browns to spend their #3 pick on a RB when they just spent a lot of $$ on Jamal Lewis? No no, the Browns 2 major (and I mean major) needs were OL and QB. They were good to acquire two in the first round.

4) Knowing that every single down of football begins at the line of scrimmage, and that thusly the O & D lines are the proper place from which to build a team does not make me a "Sean Salisbury." The comparison hurts me, No-Wood. It really hurts me. Salisbury has the grace of a toad. He's as dumb as a hog and twice as ugly.

Although not exciting for a lame amateur fan like No-Wood, people familiar with the sport keep their eye on teams that consistently draft top-flight talent along the line. It is evidence that the front office wants to win football games, not just sell tickets. A team like Arizona finally doing the right thing and trying to acquire a line for Leinart, E. James and those receivers is frankly shocking. Ditto Cleveland. Thank god Detroit keeps going back to the well for more boners, right MMMan? Is Scott Mitchell going to throw the ball to him?

5) You may be right about neither Landry or Taylor having any interceptions. Apparently, Landry had some trouble hanging on to them in college. By "incredible" football family, I meant "Christian." Obviously.

6) As for your flaming anti-semitism and lack of sports-injury knowledge (pulling your ham doesn't count, spanky) I have arisen this day to warn you that I'm sending my boyz Huckle Cat and Lowly Worm over to your nursery and they're gonna snuff you like a candle made of trout wax.


Jerious Norwood said...

Typically lame retorts, though I do have to commend your threatening to kill my baby. Classy. I knew there was a reason I liked you.

lbutler36 said...

Boring. Jerious Norwood wins this round.

Garwood B. Jones said...

Sorry to burst your well-reasoned and non-specious argument, Badcock but there's something that you need to know. The entire time Jerrious was "cadging smokes" (and I'm impressed you didn't take the easy "huffing fags" line) he was an all-state pulling guard.


That equates to football insight that you will not find anywhere else on this blog, including from this ex 2nd-string QB (never all-state though I was all-conference honorable mention in both tennis and cross-country skiing - Beeyatch!).

Now, we all know that the measure of someone's current knowledge of professional football is exactly commensurate to his high school growth spurt and willingness to fellate some Bike-shorts wearing asshole with a mustache. And let me tell you, Mr. Norwood was willing (and spurting).

He proved his moxie to coaches by consistently being the fastest lineman at the crab walk and giving 110% at that thing where you back bridge and support all the weight of your body with your neck. Even as his teammates were injuring themselves and crying to their mommies, Norwood's dedication to getting down and "giving Coach Johnson 20" during 100-degree two-a-days curried favor with the Hopkins coaching staff and the rest is history.

All state pulling guard = smartest football commentator. Assuming you want to stick with your line of reasoning, you have no choice but to apologize to Norwood and agree that he is the smartest guy on this blog by ALOT.

Miwacar said...

I was All-State in track (4x100), All-Conference in track and football, and before my ACL tear an relatively highly recruited cb/receiver. So I must take a tad of offense at your intitial statement Garwood.

The best part about all of this is the fact that until they play the pro game, none of us, including douche Kiper, have no idea what kind of player any of these guys will be. The vitriol is fun, but a little ridiculous in early May.

Jerious Norwood said...

Its a good thing that Miwacar can be the voice of reason in this matter. Though if no one can have any idea what kind of player any of these guys will be, why are you more psyched about Adrian Peterson than Marshawn Lynch, Antonio Gates, or Michael Bush? While its true that no one can have a definitive judgment at this point, there is a place for informed (and in the case of badpussy, malformed) opinion. And where do we draw the line between reasonable and ridiculous? We're blogging about the NFL draft for Christ's Sake, we're all well past reason in any REASONABLE way. So clearly, lets be reasonable.

Jerious Norwood said...

Obviously, I meant Pittman not Gates.

Miwacar said...

Jerious, I said nothing about reason. Of course, I understand that you and Smallcock are blogging about the draft, and that in its nature it is speculative.

We all have our reasons to like a player or not, but to claim any type of expertise on the matter is senseless. And I am more psyched about Adrian Peterson, because his daddy is a money launderer and might offer me a funnel to run my pimpin' monies through.

What I was referring to as "ridiculous" was the extent of y'all's back and forth about a subject in which neither of you are all that well informed, and any information you have is based on second-hand knowledge at best. And for a myriad of unforseen reasons, any one of the players you old hens are clucking about, may never be the type of player he is projected to be. Now, if you went to the combine or watched hundreds of hours of game film, then I would feel no need to be the "voice of reason".

Jerious Norwood said...

Miwacar, to be fair, I think that we've been arguing more about draft 'philosophy' than the specific merits of players. Pretending to know exactly how a draft pick is going to evolve is obviously foolish, but also not what we were doing. When Calvin Johnson is heralded UNANIMOUSLY as the second coming, everyone but the most ironically obtuse (small pussy, I'm looking at you) would factor that into their assessment of how the draft would/should unfold. Smallcock was making specious, and patently false claims (ie Detroit has a stable of thoroughbreds, or Jamarcus Russel was an "Al Davis" pick, as if to suggest that he wasn't regarded by a franchise talent by every evaluator). I then chose to mock his obvious lack of football knowledge, and questionable heritage. Who among us wouldn't have done the same? I ask you.

Jerious Norwood said...

Why is the blogs clock on Pacific coast time?

Badcock said...

You guys are all jerks. I hate you.

Jerious Norwood said...

I am winner. Ha Ha Ha

Jerious Norwood said...

Gracious, aren't I?