I Dislike Your Favorite Team

Let's get crackin:

The new LSU QB, to replace JaMarcus "The Cannon" Russell (I've never been sure whether that's a self-appointed nickname or not), is probably going to be Matt Flynn. Flynn has starter's experience - in 2005, he threw 7 TD against only 1 INT - and that offense, even in the hands of Gary Crowton as opposed to Jimbo Fisher, is ridiculous. Early Doucet, Alley Broussard, Kieland Williams, Jacob Hester, and - and - potentially the best offensive line in the SEC. If Flynn falters, the job heads to former mega-recruit Ryan Perriloux, who was once likened to Donovan McNabb by recruiting guru Tom Lemming. That makes us wonder: will Perriloux guide the Tigers to 3 straight SEC Title games, losing them all?

The new Oklahoma RB, to replace "All Day," will be a combo of DeMarco Murray and Allen Patrick, with the likely nod going to Murray, who's been running over, around, and above people this spring. In Oklahoma's spring game, he had over 100 yards on the ground and scampered in a similar fashion as to Peterson, but without the penchant for taking big hits because of how high he stands up. Fun with Wikipedia pages allows us to tell you Murray went to high school in Las Vegas, which is always something we respect, because if you've lived 4 years out there, you've probably seen enough to make the Norman boosters look like altar boys. As for Allen Patrick, we just feel bad for that brother. He got carries last year when AP went down (uh, I guess he's AP, too), but he's likely headed to the bench because of the Sin City Scrambler this fall.

The new Notre Dame QB, to replace Brady "The Choke Artist" Quinn, is likely Jimmy Clausen down the road. Clausen's recruiting situation became a national point of intrigue. Both his brothers played at Tennessee, but apparently Fulmer couldn't close that deal (in the interest of full disclosure, I'll admit my aunt works for UT, and she wasn't too happy, either). Clausen has been called "The Kid with the Golden Arm" during his junior season by SI, which likely means he's going to be an utter flop who's unable to beat Michigan, Michigan State, or, ultimately, Navy. People always hype these kids too much. I understand Clausen was 42-0 as a starter in California, but until you see the next Lamar Woodley bearing down on your ass the third Saturday of your September, you can't be called the "next" anything.

The new good Georgia Tech WR, to replace Calvin "If I had anyone other than Reggie Ball, I'd be considered the greatest wideout in the last two decades of college football" Johnson (man, I'm getting editorial with these nicknames), is likely Demaryius "Bay Bay" Thomas, who has looked good in spring outings. Thomas even has a vague physical resemblance - in pads, at least - to CJ. James Johnson is probably the No. 1 out of the gate, but look for "Bay Bay" to become the jaw-dropping, "Aw-man-Brad-Nessler-is-all-excited" receiver that Tech fans crave. If Taylor Bennett can mature into more of a man than Reggie Ball could ever hope to become, then GaTech has a legit shot to reach the ACC Title game again.

And, finally, the new DE at Clemson, to replace Mr. Adams, is likely irrelevant, similar to whom might replace Joe Thomas at Wisconsin. Sure, don't get us wrong, those positions are important - but each school has bigger questions, and potentially bigger answers. In Death Valley, after C.J. Spiller decided not to bail, they have arguably the best RB duo in the country in Spiller and James Davis, already being deemed "Thunder and Lightning." The Bowden Bowl comes early this year; if they win it, look for a big season out of the Tigers, and much happy caressing of Howard's Rock. At Wisco, the most underrated team in America is going to have another good season, mark our words. Bielama is a legitimate coach who learned from one of the best, and who cares about Joe Thomas? Have you seen P.J. Hill run? Dude can block for himself. If Allan Evridge, the K-State transfer, can learn the offense and give it some second gear kick, this team might win the Big 10. We really want to be at "State Street Brats" when that happens. Hell, we want to be anywhere in Madison when that happens.

And yes, we're aware that with both USC wideouts leaving, we should probably discuss the state of that position for the Trojans. It looks like Patrick Turner might be the man, although we were always partial to Ric Flair when he said, "To be the man, you gotta beat the man." We ain't sure who Turner has beaten, but perhaps more importantly, since USC pasted Michigan in the Rose Bowl and has a diverse array of talents coming back, we think you'll hear about them just a bit come August. Thusly, we'll spare you now.