I Dislike Your Favorite Team

I watched way too much draft coverage, especially considering my Maryland Savages had only 1 pick for the day and then decided not to improve a Defensive Line that made every running back it faced an All Star for a week. Don't get me wrong, LaRon Landry is probably going to be a hell of a safety, and teams will think twice about sending receivers over the middle against Washington next year. But if they can get 4 yards per carry on the ground, why bother trying? Ugh.

But as the draft wore on, I learned what makes an NFL player, in the Gospel According to Mel.

1. Speed. 4.4 in the 40? Awesome. No matter the position, that's a great time. 4.5 in the 40? No matter what the position, that sucks, and you should be plying your wares in Canada, douchebag.

2. Vertical Leap. If you can't jump more than 2 1/2 feet in the air, we're not going to hear about your leaping ability. Sure, some might say that a 30 inch vertical is pretty impressive, and that may be. Hell, depending on the player, 25 inches might be good. Nope. Fuck you, 29 inch vertical having players.

3. Arm Length. I really don't understand why I heard about "short arms" or "long arms" as much as I did today. Aside from knocking passes down at the line of scrimmage, or extending to catch a pass, I don't understand why this is a stat Mel is so obsessed with. Look, Mr. Fantastic could have 60 foot arms if he wanted. I'd still take The Thing on my O-Line.

Also, I learned that Miami drafting Ted Ginn Jr had something to do with Quinn, the Mighty Papist. I watched Keyshaun and Mel debate this point, and I gotta say Keyshaun was the stand in for me--I was flat-out flummoxed by Kiper's line of reasoning. Of couse, Key has got to be annoyed when Kiper starts talking about speed or vertical leap, as Johnson has proved himself to be valuable in his latter years, even as he lacks those two components in his game these days. His arm length, however, is stupifying.