Sunday, April 22, 2007

S-Hart vs. J-Souh, a Star Tribune Battle Rap

In this blog, I've taken my shots at the columnists who write for the local papers. Some of my earliest sports commentary ever to be found online is my argument for ripping Bob Sansevere, which I sent to Deadspin. I called Tom Powers a Stupid Fat Fuck, which he is.

And hell yes, it's easy to make fun of Sid.

Very recently, I suggested that the Big 3 columnists of The Star Tribune have roles to play. That Sid is the owner apologist, and that Reusse and Souhan are the fans who vacillate between love and hate of a team. If things are going well, Reusse and Souhan are unlikely to point out potential problems. They'll just celebrate. When things are going poorly, they will pile on like a Sumo.

So, clearly there are times when the Sid and the Kids are in disagreement. Here's a fine example. Sid's column. Souhan's column.

Let's construct a dialogue (using real quotes!):

Sid: The Wilf family, owners of the Vikings, thinks it is very necessary to have a new stadium so the Vikings can compete with the other NFL teams.

Souhan: Wilf commissioned a lengthy "Code of Conduct" that nobody will ever read, and his dealings with local officials in his search for a stadium has followed no logical or productive pattern.

Sid: And even though Wilf says the team has lost money the past two years, there isn't any thought of selling the team for a big profit like the previous owner did

Big Blue Monkey: This is clearly fucking bullshit. It takes some magical accounting to make an NFL franchise to appear to lose money.

Sid: Maybe I am one of the few optimists. But I look for a much-improved record by the Vikings this season with a coaching staff in its second year and in a division where they can have a good chance to compete and win. I know that the Wilfs want to win, and they won't be satisfied until the Vikings dominate the NFL like they did in the 1970s.

Souhan: This is the Vikings' problem, as well. Owner Zygi Wilf's decisions -- firing Mike Tice and hiring Brad Childress, Fran Foley and Rick Spielman -- were the result of his lack of a guiding philosophy. Wilf's standard for hiring someone apparently is, "He said what I wanted to hear."

fight, fight, fight!

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