I Dislike Your Favorite Team

Illusiongenius.com honors the memory of Master Illusionist Doug Henning: "Look at the exuberant smile, and the meticulously bent middle finger -- indicating magic was afoot ... What is so sadly missing in today's TV magicians' performance is any semblence of true mystery, which, I believe, even Doug's costume represented ... those that call themselves magicians should take a lesson from Doug Henning. This is not to say they should act like he did. Rather, my friend Doug deeply believed in real magic ... For Doug Henning, real magic, was the unfolding of human consciousness and the unbounded potential that rests in all people to discover."

Part 1: Brian The Boz Bosworth
You remember Brian Bosworth? Fifteen minutes were never fleeter. The two-time Butkus Award winner was one of the biggest flops of all time: all sizzle, no steak. Remember when the NCAA didn't allow him to play in the 1987 Orange Bowl because of his elephantine illegal steroid use? On the sideline, he wore a "National Communists Against Athletes" t-shirt. Now that's informed dissent.

Kicked off the Sooners for said steroid use, he was nonetheless drafted by the Seahawks and given the biggest contract in team history, 10 years for $11 million dollars. And that's 1987 dollars. He retired three years later from a "shoulder injury."

One of the greatest moments in NFL history was when the one and only Bo Jackson absolutely trucked Bosworth on the goal line on Monday Night Football. Bo stepped on Bosworth's waxed chest. It was awesome. (editors note: look for it, 50 seconds into this video)

Is the Boz (my god the 80's were a rough time, culturally) a Master of Illusion, like Doug Henning? Did he unfold his human consciousness and discover the unbounded potential that rests within him? The affirmation is revealed in his own words, in an ESPN Q & A from back in the day.

Q: Upcoming movies? BOZ: "Three Kings -- the part was kind of made up toward the end of the film to conclude George Clooney's character. George requested that I fill that role, and so I did that as a favor to him."

Q: Seahawks mediocrity? BOZ: "I'm a believer that Seattle has been used to mediocrity for such a long period of time that it's very hard to establish a tradition of winning consistently ... I don't know if that has something to do with the weather and an emotional attachment to it or not ... Even when I was there, we never won more than a couple of games at a time."

Q: Are you actually saying you don't suck? "Had I not been hurt I would have been the best frickin' linebacker to play the game, no question."

Q: Come on, you're only remembered as an overhyped flop, and for that hilariously bad Stone Cold movie. BOZ: "Most of the bikers I've come in contact with love the movie. They think it's the coolest thing they've ever seen ... I prefer movies. Your characters are far more creative in the movies than on TV. I did have a short-lived experience with episodic television with Fox, called "Lawless," which I believe had the potential to be a good show, but Fox couldn't pull their head far enough out of their ass to see what people want ... But they cancelled it after one episode, which was too bad. The show also got hurt by some (studio) politics, with a new president coming in. He didn't want to use the previous guy's show. That's all Hollywood is -- ego."

Q: Finally, how about getting run the fuck over by Bo Jackson on the goal line? BOZ: "It was just another uneventful score of a touchdown. Having it on Monday Night Football showcased it that much further. But in my mind, it was the media's continued attempt to tear down what it once built up -- which is the formula the media lives by. To an athlete, it was just another play from a game ... On that play, if I would have put my head on the other side of him, I would have dragged him out of bounds. If it was on the 50-yard-line, it would have been second-and-7 from the 47. But since we were on the goal line, it was a touchdown. And a big deal."

Brian Bosworth, Welcome to the World of Illusion.