Thursday, December 21, 2006

I Dislike Jim Mora Sr.

I know this is a re-hash, but I am still pissed off. Jim Mora Senior, you're an ass, unemployed at long last. When some radio sportsjack called Atlanta QB Vick a "coach killer," Mora the Old responded: "I think you're correct, and it worries me a little bit because my son is the head coach down there, ya know? But he's a great athlete, my son likes him a lot, he's a good kid. But he's not a passer. And you need a passer at quarterback to be successful consistently in the National Football League. And he ain't getting it done in that category. I agree with you."

That's some deep cracker-ass analysis of the starting QB for a playoff contender: "he ain't getting it done." Has this wrinkled colostomy bag ever watched Vick play? Let the self-wiping rectums at ESPN play their subjectively selective highlights, with their "Boo-yas" and sound effects. Nobody who has actually watched the Falcons play a game (and I've had the time, with the Redskins getting diarrhea all over themselves in the starting gate) can fail to notice several things.

1. Falcons receivers, including TE Crumpler, drop more passes than any professional football team I have ever seen. Blame GM Rich McKay for going the Al Davis route, eternally picking speed over hands. Who was their big free agent WR acquisition? Oh great, Ashley Lelie, yet another sissy speedster with mud flaps instead of hands.

2. Falcons receivers run crap routes. Pay attention to their cuts: they don't throw fakes, they don't change their levels. They rely on their speed and end up rounding out their routes, ending up in the wrong place. On a timing route, when Vick's pass is released before they break, it makes Vick look like an asshole for throwing it at their feet. If they were where they were supposed to be, it would clank off their hands just like all the other laser passes. Blame falls purely on the coaches for failing to instill route discipline.

3. Falcons receivers won't catch the ball over the middle. They get a serious case of alligator arms which has been responsible for a number of Vick's interceptions. If only they had a Hall-of-Famer like Art Monk upon whom to rely. Instead, the WRs are always out on fly routes and deep outs, the lowest % passes in the playbook.

4. WR weaknesses mean that the defense can put a safety on RBs coming out of the backfield, rather than a slower LB. This limits the YAC of the RBs.

5. QB Michael Vick throws the tightest spiral I have ever seen, with one of the quickest releases I have ever seen. The ball needs no arc to go 50 yards. If anyone at the other end of the pass could catch it, the Falcons would have something. Instead, it looks like an autistic girl trying to catch a water balloon without popping it.

6. QB Vick is a coach killer, huh? His NCAA record was 20-1, and has the second highest passer rating in NCAA history. His NFL regular season record is 31-19-1 (.620). He is 2-2 in the playoffs (.500). Vick led the Falcons to victory in Lambeau Field in 2003, the Packers first-ever home playoff loss, after which Packers DE Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila said of Vick: "I'm speechless. He's elusive. He uses leverage. He uses a lot of things. He uses your momentum against you." By the way, can you name Vick's leading WR in that game, or for the entire year? I didn't think so (it was Brian Finneran, who's not even a household name in his own house). By way of comparison, Colts QB Manning, with all his commercials and great playmakers, has a postseason record of 3-6 (.333).

I am really sick of this crap spewed by sportsjacks who just feed from each other's festering shite-gobs rather than watch the actual games, just parroting that Vick is a great athlete, but lacks the "intangibles" to be a pro QB. As Charles Darwin wrote, "Great is the weight of steady misrepresentation."

Here's something to suck on: Vick has 19 TDs to 11 INTs, tied for 6th best in the NFL.

Jim Mora Senior, you were a shitbag football coach. You had P. Manning -- was he a coach killer too? Your playoff record is 0-6. It will always be 0-6, and that is fucking weak. You opinion is worthless. How about some classic Mora Sr. grace under pressure: "The second half, we just got our ass totally kicked! We couldn’t do diddley poo offensively! We couldn’t make a first down. We couldn’t run the ball. We didn’t try to run the ball! We couldn’t complete a pass. We sucked! The second half, we sucked! We couldn't stop the run. Everytime they got the ball, they went down, and got points! We got our ass totally kicked in the second half. That's what it boiled down to. It was a horseshit performance in the second half! Horseshit! I’m totally embarrassed. I’m totally ashamed. Coaching did a horrible job! The players did a horrible job! We got our ass kicked in that second half! It sucked. It stunk."

Nice stoicism. I can see where your son got his inner strength. During the Falcon's late-season adversity, Mora Jr. openly pined for the U of Washington coaching job, despite the fact that it is in no way open. This is while the Falcons are poised for a wildcard spot. Later, he said he was only kidding. Lame.

Vick responded to all this shit the same way he did to the fabricated gay rumors, or having his embarrassing STD affliction become national news: "Honestly, I really don't know what to say. I can't even respond to that. He's a commentator. He's going to say what he wants to say. I think it was inappropriate but he's a commentator and he has every right to say what he wants to say. I'm just going to keep playing football. At the same time, it's crazy."

Let me save Vick $20,000, and be the first to offer Moras Jr. & Sr. a double-barrelled middle-finger blast off.


Head Chick In Charge said...

Oh, you are so getting a link. And you're not even a Falcons fan. Wait... I think a tear just fell from my eye. I'm choked up. I gotta go...

Badcock said...

Awesome, I love sausage links. Ever have the Johnsonville breakfast sausage links that are made with maple syrup? They are delightful.

Head Chick In Charge said...

I love sausage too, but not just the kind you get from the grocery store.

Big Blue Monkey said...

How'd ya guess we'd dig trampy innuendo?

Badcock said...

Big BM, we might have built this city on Rock & Roll, but this site was built solely on trampy innuendo. As is my understanding.