Thursday, December 07, 2006

Sea Bass!

This fat crap, former 1st round draft choice (a kicker!) has fulfilled his commitment to excellence. He missed three field goals to ensure a loss to the Houston Texans, including a 29 yarder that clanked off the upright. He also failed to give a shit when his short kickoff was run right past him, setting up Houston's go-ahead TD.

Besides the fact that a)he's a kicker and b)he's a Raider, there are other reasons to hate this fat Polish-born lump.

Arrests for numerous bar fights, DUI, reckless driving, attempting to bribe a police officer, tampering with evidence, ODing in nightclubs, public intoxication & multiple possessions of GHB -- Raiders fans know it as the "date rape drug." Naturally as a professional "athlete," the threats of deportation were reduced to probation.

This fatty, with "the strongest leg in the NFL," is 9 for 21 from 50+ yards and 2 for 8 over the last two years. Coincidentally, two years ago he signed a contract extension with the Raiders for 5 years, $10.5 million -- by far the most ever paid to a kicker.

He is blaming his missed FG's on a back injury he sustained while riding in an airplane. Anyone surprised this guy started out as a soccer player?

An all-criminal NFL team is compiled here.

Along the lines of our Legion of Doom, but just football players. Enjoy.

His nickname "Sea Bass" casts an unnecessary aspersion upon Dissostichus eleginoides, the Chilean Sea Bass, also known as the Patagonian Toothfish. In the last five years, this sudden yuppie favorite (this decade's sun dried tomato) has been overfished to the point of near-extinction. High demand and low yield means that poaching is accelerating the decline of this massive animal which can grow to eight feet in length and live to 50 years (which is about the lifespan of a former NFL player, interesting).

I say, let's spare this endangered (but delicious!) animal the association. Instead of Sea Bass, let's start calling Janikowski "The Polish Toothfish." It's right on the money. Now let's go clubbing!


Anonymous said...

Wasn't Sea Bass, Roger Clemons name in the film Kingpin?

Barnyard said...

That was a character in "Dumb & Dumber" played by Cam Neely.

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

you know that this fuck listens to like techno or house music. that makes me dislike him that much more.

Badcock said...

Well he is from Poland.

Be happy he's not over your house unscrewing lightbulbs.