Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Sports Legion of Doom, continued #7-5

Wondering What Happened with numbers 13 through 8? Start here!

#7 Dave Bliss (3)--the Toyman:

Dave Bliss and The Toyman share a common pathology--They see the entire world as part of their game. In the Toyman's case, that means taking an ordinary toy, which looks like a child's plaything, and corrupting its true purpose for nefarious ends. Dave Bliss takes children, and corrupts them, and when they end up nefariously, he takes his other children, and corrupts them to lie to the police. Both use proxies to excuse themselves for their own moral failings. Don't be the Toyman's toy, and don't be a player for Dave Bliss. In either case, you'll end up in jail, and they'll end up in a foreign country, ducking extradition.

#6 OJ (4)--Black Manta

Oh, sure, OJ is Black, and he's been associated with The Black Manta. That's not cool, and maybe the only reason that we've linked them is that Black Manta has "black" in his name. But that's not fair, reader, and really, we expect better from you than that kind of reactionary bullshit. Black Manta clearly loves his leisure time. He enjoys scuba diving. A lot. So does OJ, though probably not as much as he enjoys Golf. One thing they can both agree on--pretty boy blondes who live near the coast? They should be killed. For Black Manta, it was Aquaman; for OJ it was his wife and her lover. And sure, Aquaman lost a hand (Black Manta had nothing to do with it) but OJ's enemies ended up dead. So who's the better villian, really? I feel like I'm insulting OJ by linking him to a loser like Black Manta. But, the fact remains--they hate blondes, and Love Scuba!

#5 Uday Hussein (5)--Gorilla Grodd.

Uday and Grodd are amongst the most cunning of their respective Legions of Doom. Both have a love of pretending to be world dominators. Both have very little sympathy for the human race, and are willing to torture humans to achieve their means. If Gorilla City had fielded a World Cup team, and if Grodd were in charge of it, he would have treated those players much like Uday treated the Iraqi team. Which is to say, he would have treated them to free torture! Especially if they lost! But psychopathic doesn't mean stupid. Neither Uday or Grodd are dumb. They are both quite intelligent, but criminally insane.

onto the Final Four....of EVIL.


Critical Sports Blog said...

And Uday is worm food.

Pete LaCock said...

This is the greatest mental exercise in the history of the internet. When I read Ty Cobb -- Sinestro I thought it could never get any better. But then OJ--Black Manta appeared, fanatstic! I'm anxiously awaiting the final 4.

Big Blue Monkey said...

Well, Mr. Penis McDick, I hope you will enjoy the final stage.