I Dislike Your Favorite Team

UPI (Wisconsin)

A spokesman for the Felis Domesticus Anti-Defamation League launched a campaign to counter what he sees as a vicious example of speciesism.

"It's typical, very typical. Everyone blames the cat for the fire, before anyone has seen any evidence. Everyone says the dog is a hero. And that just isn't an accurate reflection of what we think happened."

The case of Jamie Hanson being saved from a fire has brought in thousands of dollars in donations to guide dog organizations. The FDADL contends this is an outrage.

"This is an outrage," the spokesman continued. "People are being duped. Something is rotten in the state of Wisconsin."

The simple people of Rhine Wisconsin with their 150-inch circumference thighs were the willing perpatrators of a moral genocide, implied the spokesman (hyperbole is mine -- ed.).

"This cat was a victim of abuse in that house, starting with his name. 'Tinkles.' Neutered or not, the FDADL maintains that this is not an appropriate name for a male cat. And the candle which was knocked over ... there are no witnesses to that. Perhaps the dog was looking at getting a little something extra out of life, the sort of something extra that comes from fame? That's right. I'm talking about crack cocaine. Remember, if the candle don't fit, you must acquit."

When asked to explain what he meant, the spokesman said cryptically, "Ask Jamie Hanson where she fit in the candle. But I bet she won't tell you. 'She' has a man's name."

The spokesman then brandished a wicked sweet handmade sign which read: "Peanut for Nickname o' Fame," apparently in reference to Bears CB Charles "Peanut" Tillman (5-3, 139) who sparked the Chicago comeback over yawn the Cardinals on ESPNMNF.