Monday, October 23, 2006

Michael Vick Is Suddenly Talented!

Michael Vick

Expect lots of exuberant hyperbole following Vick's jaw-dropping 4 TD performance in leading the Falcons over the defending champion Steelers in OT (41-38). If you did not watch that incredible game you are not a fan of sports and you probably were expecting something else from "scuffedballs."

Expect a childlike sense of wonder from the sportjacks, rushing to announce Vick's "Coming Out Party." This is because most sportjacks don't really watch or play sports. They just yell "Boo-ya!" when some East Bay science project hits another juiced-ball homer.

But let me tell you, this guy has something special. And I'm not talking about his ability to out-quick FS Polameau, or out-run entire D's.

Vick's throwing motion is utterly unconventional and entirely breathtaking. With his wrist's flick, the ball scorches vast distances very, very quickly with a flat trajectory that beats safeties to the WR. He throws the tightest, most beautiful spiral I have ever seen.

So why were the Falcons 30th in passing last year? And why was this outstanding day so long in coming?

If you think that it's because African-Americans are not intelligent enough to play the position of QB, then I direct your cracker ass to World Champion Doug Williams. And what makes you think Jeff George would be good at Scrabble?

The NFL does not track dropped passes. Having watched a lot of NFL games, I would have to say that I have never seen receivers drop so many balls as the Falcons B-Lister WRs. I saw All-Pro TE Crumpler lose a pass off his huge fucking hands in the end zone in a loss earlier this year. And today, I saw his receivers not only actually catching the ball screaming into their mitts, but some difficult grabs in traffic.

And when a bogus gay rumor, created using a "dynamically generated" template, ran all over the internet (I was reading or writing a book and missed it), Vick's relaxed and secure response was, "Everybody who knows me, knows how I get down. It's not even an issue."

His calm candor was lauded by, which noted: "Vick should be applauded for not giving some tortured 'I'm not gay' comment that raises more questions than it answers. Vick certainly seems comfortable with who he is sexually, and it was cool that he didn't feel the need to dump on gays to prove it."

Go Michael Vick! As for dumping on gays, I guess we'll leave that to Brunnell. Unfortunately, when the cameras are on, Brunnell just can't fire it out like he used to.


Zach Landres-Schnur said...

vick (or mr. ron mexico) is as comfortable with his sexuality as he is giving a stranger herpes.

Critical Sports Blog said...

Vick's good this week. But like an old hooker he can't perform at the top level consistently. It's up and down, up and down.

Miwacar said...

Next week he will roll his ankle and leave the game 5 for 14 for 86 yards and 2 ints. Or maybe there is no turning back and he races forward to become the best QB the league has seen since Scott Mitchell the year he took over in Miami.

thejim said...

I spit out my drink when I read the "direct your cracker ass" comment.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone think the interview he gave this week had anything to do with Mora opening up the play book for him alittle.

Gotta go with Badcock here, I'd take him any day of the week.

Badcock said...

While I appreciate that Phil has "gotta go with Badcock" and would "take him any day of the week," and I truly am flattered, that's missing the point.

Consistency depends on the rest of Vick's team. Their line is equipped to run block, not pass block. Their WRs are big, fast men with spatulas for hands.

What I'm saying is, Vick hasn't "turned the corner" like every sportsjack in America said today. His WRs stopped pulling boners long enough to secure a win.

Badcock said...

Whatever happened to Scott Mitchell?

Oh yeah. Detroit.

Hey Miwacar: vai pra puta que o pariu

Anonymous said...

Any writer who has to continually restate and explain their "point", can't be a very good writer.

Of course Vick's success is depended on his teammates.

Have alittle confidence that your writing might mean different things to different people. That isn't a critisism, it's a fact of the artist, in this case a writer, and the audience relationship.