Monday, February 05, 2007

Superbowl XLI

First of all, the ladies have been loving unto my "I Dislike Your Favorite Team" t-shirt which I wore to a Superbowl Party for two teams that, frankly, could fellate themselves effortfully for hours in the corner without my notice.

There is no question that the 2007 QB of the Chicago Bears will not be Rex Grossman. The 2006 Bears had every opportunity (until the trade deadline) to replace Captain Piss-Flaps. There are seven months (SEVEN MONTHS! SEVEN MONTHS, ASSHOLES!) until professional football begins again.

That the AFC would win the Superbowl (again) was obvious to even the most causal viewer, all season long. The best (?) team in the NFL was under-Charged by an under-manned, scrappy Patriots team who could only lay the way for MVP Horseface to score points against a good Bears defense left on an desert island. A three hour tour ... and every time the Bears had an opportunity, Rex "Gilligan" Grossman boofed it up.

The most surprising thing to me was the ability of the Colts to run effectively against the Bears. Even with three LBs in tight and four DL, the Colts RBs could find big cutback lanes, gashing the Bears for endless first downs. The Colts lines dominated the Bears lines. Don't miss this point: this is why the Colts won the game.

The Colts missed a FG, an extra point, and had a kick returned against them for a touchdown. That's losing one phase.
The Colts amassed definitive leads in yards, time of possession, face-time etc. That's winning one phase.

The Bears offense was entirely inept. Even if Grossman manages to chuck a ball into the right place, his WRs & TEs are so surprised to receive the ball that whackiness ensues. The Bears offense never mounted any kind of threat all game. The Bears defense was exhausted before the end of the first half. The Colts punted & kicked away from Hester, forcing the Bears to actually play football.

The Colts were absolutely the superior team. They earned the NFL Championship, and Manning earned the MVP.

I have to admit that I was wrong. This 2006 preseason, I wrote very intelligent and cogently articulate arguments against the Colts. I questioned their ability to stop the run (it remains unanswered) and their ability to run (Addai & Rhodes have answered). The run & pass blocking by the Colts was very impressive in the Superbowl. The Colts fast defense spoiled any Gross Rexman action.

The Bears lines were dominated like a Hungarian mistress. The Colts defense was responsible for 10+ points (as I predicted) and won by 10+ points (as I predicted). If the Bears had a QB, they could be a very good team. Right now, gag on the Colts for seven fucking months.

BADCOCK PREDICTS: T.O. passes out during celebrity workout promo commercial with 1.25 fluid ounces of Rod Stewart's semen in his stomach, Bono cancels Hollywood Bowl show in solidarity. Pro Bowl proceeds unencumbered.


Zach Landres-Schnur said...

gross rexman. hey, i like that. clever, Badcock!

Badcock said...

Enjoy it now.

Gross Rexman will be out of the league in 2007.

Miwacar said...

I fatefully was forced to pay witness to the ads for the movie that was shot in Badcock's town. Hog Wild...a laugh riot indeed. They dished out some mega-bones to play those ads during the Superbowl, which pretty much guarantees that the movie sucks.