Saturday, July 15, 2006

What Would Jesus Do, In a Sports Situation?

I don't think Jesus would really do this. This stinks like Catholic Priest inteference. Choke up on his bat, with his arms around a little boy? Boo, Catholics, boo. Jesus would teach the laying down of the bunt.

This is more like it. Jesus knows that little girl is about to clean him out. She's setting up for a vicious slide tackle--do his sandals and robes hamper his soccer ability?

Did you ask that question? Bitch, it's fucking Jesus! He's walks on water, you think he needs a kickin' pair of Patricks to work the ball? Fuck you. But that little ginger kid is going to wipe him out. Just more proof that redheads are the devil's tool. You hear me, Sally Oberbeck? (Please note, the kids are on opposite sides, wearing different jerseys, and yet both seem intent to knock out the Prince of Peace. 3 team soccer is a crazy, post-Rapture game. I look forward to watching it from Purgatory. If it weren't for my stupid doubts, I could have been in heaven, wrecking Jesus' ACL.

Jesus will turn the other cheek, obviously. But tackling Jesus still seems like a good way to lose out on the heavenly halftime snacks. Everyone else gets Walleye and grape juice. You, you little ass, trying to tackle Jesus (and hitting a bit early, by the by) you get water and fucking carp.

Water and carp. Boys and girls, that's how Southeast Asia got punished. I kid, I kid. While kidding, I think it is important to note that if Jesus if half-man, that tackle hurts him in his one half human genitalia. And really, Jesus, you should be wearing a helmet.

If Jesus can do it, so can I. Sure, I'm not 2000 years old, and no one is proclaiming me the Messiah, YET. But I'm a bit of a perv, and apparently, so is Jesus.

Blessed are the children, because they make me feel funny in my pants. Jesus, you sick fuck!

Jimmy, you are the caddy. That means you go fuck off for a few minutes. Get out of here. Seriously, dude. Get out of here. Your cockblocking bullshit is beginning to piss me off. Scram. Jenny, your brother is polluted with demons. He is Legion. I may have to knock him out. Now, how does this grip feel?

Jesus walks on water, but when it is frozen, The Messiah straps on skates like anyone else. Hey, Jesus' shinguard fell down. Hack the Bone! Hack the Bone!

I've got nothing to say here.

buy one for your friend that you don't really like. The selection is Awesome.


softwolf said...

These are freaky. Although I wouldn't really expect anything less from you lot. Now I can't stop looking at them...

Jerious Norwood said...

BB,you're a perv.

The Editor said...

All I can say (and it seems appropriate) is Oh My God.