Thursday, July 20, 2006

Data Mining the Washington 'Skins Cheerleaders Bios

Part I: Favorite Books

Intro: The Team, as most NFL teams have, saw fit to give the cheerleaders their own webpage, and have them answer burning questions that no one would have ever thought to ask them. I think their answers are fascinating, and we can learn some general trends in the world of cheerleaders. I encourage others to peruse their favorite team's cheerleader pages, and see what you can find. Believe me, "favorite book" is just the tip of the iceberg in Washington.

Methodology: 40 Washington Cheerleaders. Some named 0 books, some named multiple books. Multiple books got ignored--first book was used for those daring literary lions of the Andover, MD pitch. Zero book cheerleaders get their own designation. All categories and decisions as to what book fits into what category were mine alone. Got a problem with how I classified a book? Feel free to comment. Feel more free to start your own goddamn blog, you lazy motherfucker.

Let's get to it.

On the assumption that no reading at all is worse that reading even the worst pablum (that theory will be put to the test) let's deal with our "no favorite book readers" first. Let's give them the benefit of the doubt--maybe they do have a favorite book, and they are just ashamed of it. Maybe Washington managment scrubbed their answers. Regardless, out of 40 cheerleaders, their numbers are small:

Washington Cheerleaders with no favorite book: 2
Percentage of Total Cheerleaders: 5%

category: Favorite books that I have either read, or enjoy canonical appeal (details available at the end of the post, under Book Type 2)
Washington Cheerleaders whose favorite book fits this category: 9
Percentage of Total Cheerleaders: 22,5%
Percentage of Books mentioned that deal with Race/Gender Relations: 82%

category: Books that are sappy, sentimental crappy bullshit--chick lit, Albom (details available at the end of the post, under Book Type 3)
Washington Cheerleader whose favorite books is sentimental crap, or chick lit: 8
Percentage of Total Cheerleaders: 20%
Percentage of Books mentioned authored by Nicholas Sparks or Mitch Albom: 63%

category: Books that are mass market, stupid fun (Book type 4)
Washington Cheerleaders who picked current paperbacks bestsellers: 9
Percentage of Total Cheerleaders: 22.5%
Percentage that are Dan Brown authored: 67%

category: Books that require an awful lot of belief to work (book type 5)
Washington Cheerleaders who picked religious texts: 5
Percentage of Total Cheerleaders: 12.5%
Percentage that are not the Bible: 80%

category: Books for children, or oddly specialized books: (book type 6)
Washington Cheerleaders who picked books in this melange: 6
Percentage of Total Cheerleaders: 15%
Percentage that are clearly meant for children: 33%

category: Super Smart Books--books I'm not sure I'd understand (book type 7)
Washington Cheerleaders who picked books that are super academic: 1
Percentage of Total Cheerleaders: 2.5%


As far as I'm concerned , the most interesting cheerleader based on book choice is the the last category, Book Type 7. That book is "Wealth of Nations", and is the favorite of super smart Washington Cheerleader Anabel.

Not just a pretty face and a rack.

update, 8/4/06: While researching favorite movies, it came to my attention that Anabel has changed favorite books. She is now backing "Freakonomics", which I think still qualifies as the most surprisingly academic book for a cheerleader so far revealed.

To the other types of books:

Type 1: No book

Type 2: Books with a canonical appeal, or books I have a love for:
Wicked by Gregory Maguire
To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Lord of the Rings Trilogy by JRR Tolkein
The Color Purple by Alice Walker (twice selected)
The Curious Incident of the Dog at Night Time by Mark Haddon
Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston
Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell
Girl With The Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier

Type 3: Sappy Bullshit:
Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom (selected twice)
Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom
The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks (selected twice)
Finding Your Own North Star
The Devil Wears Prada
The Joy Luck Club
by Amy Tan

Type 4: Fun mass market bullshit
The Davinci Code
by Dan Brown (selected 5 times)
Intensity by Dean Koontz
Daddy's Little Girl by Mary Higgins Clark
Beach House and Sam's Letters to Jennifer by James Patterson

Type 5: Religous stuff:
The Bible by the unerring hand of God, despite more continuity errors than a 20 year movie franchise
The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren (selected twice)
The Left Behind Novels by LaHaye, et al (selected twice)

Type 6: Childrens books, how to, philosophical works, or just Huh?
Cheeky the Mouse
The Giving Tree
The Coldest Winter Ever
by Sister Souljah
A Time For Dancing by Davida Walls
1000 Place to See Before You Die
Dogs For Dummies


Edward said...

Dogs for Dummies? Her favourite book is Dogs...for dummies? Mainstream dog-care guides too taxing, were they?

Alex said...

If you (rightfully) classify The Joy Luck Club as chick lit, how can you not also tag Their Eyes Were Watching God. I felt like menstruating after reading that dreck.

Anonymous said...

The skins play in Landover, MD, not Andover.

Chus said...

Sexy photos!: Idaho Vandals Cheerleaders