Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Undead Drunken Savages Walking the Earth

First Joe Gibbs returned, then John Riggins showed up on Law and Order: Criminal Intent.

Then Norv Turner got another totally undeserved chance to ruin a franchise. This cycle seemed to have some seriously dimishing returns.

And now...Gus Frerotte is back! Surely the lamb will bleat its trumpet, and the seven headed unnamed beast will rise from the waters of the Adriatic Sea, and slouch towards Babylon, yeah?

There are two elements at work here. First, the supposed rehabilitation of Gus Frerotte from "Loser" to "the Guy You Want Backing Up Your Team."

No. No. A thousand times, no. No Drunken Savage fan will ever forgive Gus Frerotte, ever.

Wikipedia puts it gently: Frerotte was selected to one Pro Bowl team in 1996, but may be better remembered by an incident in which he injured himself by ramming his head into a padded cement wall in celebration of a touchdown in a 7-7 tie against the New York Giants on Sunday Night Football, spraining his neck.

That cost the Drunken Savages the game, and the season. Gus is now 36, and he's been inserted into the St. Louis Ram line up, due to Marc Bulger's busted ribs.

And let us not forget the bags of cum that Gus has played in relief for--according to Wikipedia, he's temporarily taken the job from such luminaries as Charlie Batch, Brian Griese, A.J. Feely, and Jay Fielder.

Secondly, the article gives the St. Louis braintrust lots of rope to hang themselves on. Let's grab their ankles, shall we, and make sure the end is mercifully quick.

Hey, Scott Linehan is going to be calling the offense now! That will change things. A 36-year old Gus Frerotte instead of a busted up Marc Bulger. And, umm, still no Steven Jackson.

Hey Rams--the whole reason Jackson has a wobbly groin and Bulger is nursing broken ribs is the exact same reason why an immobile 36-year old quarterback and Scott Linehan calling plays won't matter at all. We all know why:

Your Offensive Line is destroyed, broken, The Suck.

Time to bring in the 3rd stringers, because they will be in soon enough. Frerotte is going to avoid the rush that Bulger couldn't? Brian Leonard is going to find holes that one of the most dominant rushers last year couldn't find? Scotty Linehan, you are going to call plays that will make this makeshift quilt of losers and old men a winner?

Prepared to get booed at home, St. Louis Rams. If you manage next week to score, at home, 13 points against the hapless Arizona Cardinals, I'll be fucking shocked.


Andrew Wice said...

Ah yes, "Gloomy" Gus Frerotte. Good luck with that.

Speaking of the Rams (properly, the Bighorn Sheep), why isn't anyone upset that human beings are insulting an endangered species. It's absolute bullocks that we, the "higher" being, could have such a lack of sensitivity to the plight of natural life on this planet.

Do you know why Bighorn Sheep are endangered? It's because of people, that's why. Some of the same people who cheer their team come Sunday. Makes me sick, the hypocrisy.

Miwacar said...

I think Gus's neck injury did not cost them the game. In fact, I believe it was part of a terrible 10-10 tie to the Giants. One of the most futile games ever played (followed closely by the vikings/lions game from this season). A game viewed by most of the IDYFT crew at Spanky's in St. Paul. Perhaps I am wrong, but that is how I remember it.

Jess said...

I remember when Gus was the back up for the Queens. My friends and I kept forgetting he was there. We'd see him on the sidelines and ask if anyone knew who that hot motherfucker was holding the clipboard.

We'd be horrified when we realized it was Gus fucking Frerotte

Big Blue Monkey said...

I believe that game actually ended 7-7. Miwacar, your memory wants the game to be a little bit better than it was.

Everything else rings true to me though.