Monday, October 29, 2007

Alex Rodriguez is a Douchebag

The beautiful thing about Arod is that there is no other term for him than douchebag. Now, I say this with no particular malice towards the man, or at least no more loathing than we all felt towards Bill Gramatica every time he jumped in the air and celebrated like a dork when converting a 19 yard field goal with 5:46 left in the 1st quarter. God it was great to watch him tear his knee to shreds doing that stupid celebration.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!Ha! Ha!Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! What was a laughing about again? Oh yes, that crippled irishman. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!Ha!

But I digress. Before Arod signs with the Cubs for 10 years/ $500 million and quickly proceeds to Bo Jackson his hip, let me be the 1st member of this blog to congratulate the mealy-mouthed corporate whore on yet another masterful piece of douchebaggery. By leaking the fact that he is declining the option on his contract during the deciding game of the World Series, he has succeeded in accomplishing the unimaginable. Namely, he has forced the corporate house-slaves at ESPN to recoil in shocked amazement and horror at the true extent of his banality and greed. Even the likes of Mike Tirico and Skip Bayless must take a break from interviewing Deanna Favre about her book of monosyllabic musings on whether Brett also loves doing things around the house or whether his childlike enthusiasms are merely relegated to the gridiron; or tea-bagging Vince Vaughn during the middle of Monday Night football, in order to issue brief commentary on whether such blatant commercialism detracts from how much we should all be appreciating the heroism of Pat Tillman. An intriguing question indeed, and provided to us free of charge by the biggest douchebag in sports.


Muumuuman said...

I think they should call that weekly Monday night football movie promo spot "The Monday Night Tea-Bagging". Are you ready for some Tea Bagging? I am. Next week I'm hoping to see Dustin Hoffman promoting Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium.

Andrew Wice said...

I love Bill Automatica blowing out his career celebrating a meaningless FG.

It almost makes me believe in God.