Sunday, May 27, 2007

Bart Starr: MVP

Ruby Y. Young (hah!), an 81-year-old Texas kook, has pleaded guilty to extortion charges. She wanted $2 million from Hall of Famer and two-time Superbowl MVP Bart Starr of the Green Bay Packers.

Being as Ruby Young is 81, the court gave her a probated sentence in exchange for the promise that she would stop being such a freak.

She had sent letters to Bart Starr (73 years young) threatening to "injure the reputation" of the Golden One unless she received the big jack. She was trying to cash in on an alleged affair 50 years ago.

Bravo. I do believe the window of opportunity (or, in law, the statue of limitations) on extramarital affairs is less than fifty years.

She probably did boff Bart Starr 50 years ago. How could that information possibly be worth $2 million? How many people are even aware that Bart Starr is still alive?

Considering the fact that Bart married his highschool sweetheart, an Alabama lass named Cherry, a little philandering 50 years ago probably isn't worth much cash in 2007. Would it upset his spokesmanship for SecureHorizons, a company designed to get rich (sorry, help with the health care costs) of senior citizens?

As Cherry Star explains, "My husband was protected by an outstanding offensive line during his football career; but in the game of life, I'm glad that we're both protected by SecureHorizons coverage. Bart has always been a true leader, both on the field and on the sidelines. Both of us are excited to continue that tradition of leadership by sharing our own experiences to help America's seniors make better health care coverage decisions when it comes to Medicare."

So fuck you, Osama bin Ruby Y. Young Laden!

USA! USA! USA!

3 comments:

lbutler36 said...

Bart Starr is a good man.

Badcock said...

Way to go out on an untested limb.

p.s. in no way to I want to imply that the person in the image with the huge junkers was Bart Starr.

Badcock said...

It's a photo of Bart Starr's grandmother.