I Dislike Your Favorite Team

The NFL has now banned alcohol for any and all team functions:

"Effective immediately," it reads, "clubs are prohibited from providing alcoholic beverages, including beer, in any club setting, including in locker rooms, practice or office facilities, or while traveling, including on team buses or flights."

also:

"This prohibition extends not only to players, but to all team personnel, as well as to other guests traveling with the team or who have access to club facilities."

Now how are Vikings players gonna convince their "other guests" to engage in some American Pie band camp style auto-manipulation without the aid of alcohol?

However, no stipulation regarding nifty "Ron Mexico TM" brand water bottles has been implemented, so maybe these pros will find another way to the promise land.