Tuesday, July 10, 2007

"You know how he cut his hand there, Sam? He just reached up and slapped down one of Scott Mitchell's balls!"

It's not quite hugging the panda, and 'hugging the shirtless ocho-cinco' doesn't have quite the ring, but Bill Maas' arrest on gun and drug charges got me thinking about Bill Maas' propensity to say tremendously dumb things. As the poor man's Matt Millen -making him the homeless and drunk on Listerine man's John Madden- Maas always seemed to be good for one sexual (usually homoerotic) double entendre a game.

Outsports.com captures some of the best items but only when they are homoerotic.

I've always been fascinated by broadcast double entendre language that I can giggle at. I'm not talking about the ubiquitous "he's going out of the game for a blow" or "they've got to stick a finger in the dyke". The titular (tee-hee) quote is one that I've long associated with Maas but I could be mistaken. Another favorite was from the NCAA tournament a few years back when the announcer (and I'll guess that it was Gus Johnson or Billy Packer but I'm not sure) said of the young man calmly sinking free throws to maintain a late lead: "He's just standing there stroking it like he's the only one in the gym."

Now that I have a medium for my immature snickering, I'll try to post any unintentionally hilarious broadcast banter that I hear. If you, fair readers, have any that you'd like to share, send it along to us at and we'll work it into a post.


peteygocaw said...

I like to remember that John Madden referred to a team that was establishing the run as "pounding it repeatedly up the A-hole"... but he probably said "A-gap".

Garwood B. Jones said...

Joe Buck during the all-star game last night:

"Well, mine wouldn't fit in his pocket because it's so big."

Muumuuman said...

peteygocaw: You are correct, it was the Miami Dolphins Ricky Williams who was running up the "A-hole". Madden said "A-hole" about 50 times. I think he was mad because they told him to refrain from circling the lineman's butt coffee/ass sweat.

peteygocaw said...

Thanks muumuuman... I feel validated by that.

Andrew Wice said...

Dierdorf was a treasure-trove of malaprops and double entendres.

But the new generation is faring well:

"He's got big hands. Slick balls don't bother him."