Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Ode to a Break Up

Good…go! I never liked you anyway. Even when you were a string bean 19 year-old with enormous potential and cute as a puppy, I didn’t like you. Nor did I like you when you quickly became the face of the organization, taken from who Pooh Richardson or the Velvet Glove? And I sure as hell didn’t like you when you became one of the top three big men in the game, taking the Timberwolves as far as you could carry them on your 7 foot frame, that can as easily dribble the ball baseline to baseline, or block 10 shots in a game, or lead the league in triple-doubles. No I never liked you, especially the you that did tons of community work and proved that being charitable can be cool. I think you stink and I hope you have a hard time understanding the Boston accent.

Now on to the youth movement: Randy Foye, Rashaad McCants, Corey Brewer, Al Jefferson, Gerald Green, Sebastian Telfair…

Oh shit! What have we done? I miss you so much already KG, Da Kid, Da Ticket, won’t you please reconsider? I don’t care if we never win another playoff game I need you to stay, this state needs you to stay, even if most of us are too reserved to show our true feelings.

Ah hell, if you love someone you must set them free. Go Kg…go and win that title you deserve. You have a great opportunity with Paul and Ray. Go and win it all for Danny and Red.

Here come the waterworks.


Jerious Norwood said...

Ah, happy days are here again for the Boston Celtics. And while I'm not going to blow smoke up the skirts of all you Woofie fans (this obviously is a bitter pill), I'll tell you this... Al Jefferson is going to be a stud. This year. So while Garnett is gone the future is bright... I promise.

lbutler36 said...

Gerald Greene likes to make the slam dunkers.

Andrew Wice said...

Anyone wonder if McHale is a mole for the Celtics, who orchestrated shitty Wolves teams for years, to broker an eventual deal with the Celtics?

The problem is, Minnesotans don't support their pro teams.

They let their NHL team go ... I'm surprised KG (and his contract) lasted as long as they did.

Sure, they "like" the Vikings. Some (e.g. Miwacar) love them. But they don't lurve them, and that's why none of their franchises have won anything in thirty years.

Sorry for the pile-on, but I smell blood in the water.

Anonymous said...

"...and that's why none of their franchises have won anything in thirty years."

It's already the year 2021?

Miwacar said...

As we all know Wice is an idiot. the last time a MN team won a pro championship, was exactly 3 months before the last time a Washington team won a pro championship.

We must let that slide because he was born to a woman from West Virginie and her brother.

And MN teams, overall, have come considerably closer to winning a pro championship than Washington teams in past 16 years, but his absolute Homerism has clouded his hillbilly judgement and memory.

Andrew Wice said...

It's so funny to watch my puppets dance around my hyperbole.

How's Canada?

Jerious Norwood said...

I've always suspected that your prose was some kind of elaborate inside joke.

Tim C said...

Minnesota fans don't support their teams? Please don't make me point out that the Twins were the first AL team to draw 3 million in a year -- yeah, even before the Yankees.

And don't make me mention Norman Green's name. AHHH! There! I did it! I hate Norman Green! AhhKK! I did it again! Now everybody's going to be doing it!

Andrew Wice said...

That happened during the late 80's, when the Twins were second to the Yanks in most championships.

Twenty fucking years ago.

Why do you think they wanted to contract your team? Because it was so overwhelmingly popular?

Don't get me wrong, I appreciated the rush of support and the strong finish which kept the Twins franchise afloat. But there is a reason superstars have run out of MN as fast as they could for the last twenty years.

Miwacar said...

The Twins were only considered for contraction because Commissioner Bud Selig's own Milwaukee Brewers (his daughter now owns them) were the closest geographical team and would therefore stand to gain greatly from the glut.

In the modern sports era of free-agency, you would be hard pressed to find pro teams that have held on to stars longer than MN teams.

Wice come on man you have to know a little more about what you profess before people can even begin to take the shit seriously.

There is much lurve for local teams, a dedicated base of rabid fans, its just that many of the reserved Scandihoovian wagon-jumpers ruin the image.

Don't misunderstand I and countless others would easily give you a Colombian Necktie if it secured a Vikings Superbowl win.

Tim C said...

Which superstars exactly have "run out of MN as fast as they could for the last twenty years"?

Christian Laettner?
Latrell "feed my family" Sprewell?
Sam "how are my knees" Cassell?
Eric "feed my gopher" Milton?
Daunte "sail my boat" Culpepper?

I'll give you Ortiz. I'll also point out that the next clutch hit Ortiz gets for the Twins will be the first one. Boston found something in him that the Twins sure couldn't. And that bat would look pretty good in the midst of the Twins lineup now.

Big Blue Monkey said...

I gotta go with everyone else here. Wice don't know crap about the Twin Cities sports franchises.

Boo, Wice, Boo.