Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Economics of Stupidity and Drunken Savages

Dear Cooks/Waitrons/Hosting Units of DC/Maryland Restuarants:  

If you love the Washington Redskins Drunken Savages like I do, you'll do the right thing, and make sure that if Daniel Snyder comes into your place of employ on Saturday night, he leaves with the beginnings of food poisoning.  He can not be in the Draft War Room on Sunday.

Because all these Mark Sanchez rumors have me in a tizzy.  It can not happen.  And we can't really call them rumors.  Not with the Snyder/Cerrato gut-trust, who lack the sophistication to actually bluff anything, talking about how much they love Sanchez.  I bet they are invited to poker game after poker game, despite their awful, awful personalities.

Every team in the league, and a good 99% of the sportwriters in the country, know that the Redskins are looking to trade up for Sanchez, who has played exactly 16 games over the high school level.  Everyone also knows that Seattle, at #4, is going to take Sanchez.  Hey, funny but true axiom for Dan Snyder, that I learned from Civilization 4:  "Everything is worth what its purchaser is willing to pay for it"--Pubilius Syrus.  So, rule 1 should be--hide your interest at least a little bit.  You don't lower your cost when people quote you as "smitten", dammit.  And open yourself to interweb mockery.

Moving up to the 3rd spot (a spot that is expensive in terms of guaranteed money and contract already) increases in two ways--expensive because everyone now knows the Drunken Savages want Sanchez; expensive again because the agent representing Sanchez can say to the Savage Management, "This guy is a franchise quarterback.  He deserves franchise money.  Like $30 million guaranteed.  You know who says he is a franchise quarterback?  You guys did, when you traded away the store just to draft him." 

I blame this on Matt Ryan--a rookie QB who paid immediate dividends.  Snyder always looks for the quick fix, rather than let a potentially good quarterback play under the same offensive scheme for more than 1 year at a time.  

The fact that Jason Campbell has yet to play more than one year under the same offensive coordinator is also Dan Snyder's fault.  Is he a perfect fit for Jim Zorn's offense?  Not exactly, but he was showing signs of getting there.  And let's not forget--it is Dan Snyder's fault that it was Jim Zorn's offense in the first place.  He hired a Defensive Coordinator and Offensive Coordinator before hiring a Head Coach, and when no head coach would accept the terms of having their staff picked for them, Zorn went from Coordinator to Head Coach in a blink of an eye (QB coach for Seattle to Offensive Coordinator not being a big enough jump, apparently).

Snyder is a plumber who fixes a leaky toilet by fixing each piece one by one, instead of diagnosing the fucking leak.  When your plumber can't find the problem after a decade of trying, you start blaming the plumber.  

Dan said, in that the Boston Herald article I linked to above, "I’m always going to be aggressive to try to win. I didn’t buy the team for investment. I bought the team to try to win the Super Bowl, and that’s what I’m trying to do."

Hey, Dan--you are the aggressively unfixable clog in the toilet.  Hire some professionals, and get the fuck out of the way.  At the very least, stop bragging about all the money you will throw into the toilet for an unproven quarterback.  Stop Hugging the Panda.  And hey, whilst I'm getting all philosphical quotical, here's another one from my boy Pubilius Syrus:  "Amid a multitude of projects, no plan is devised"--He was talking about you, Drunken Savages.


1 comment:

Andrew Wice said...

Hear, hear.

Jason Campbell is not the problem. It's like the Redskins are a "magic eye" image that Snyder just can't see.