Tuesday, July 27, 2010

NFL Training Camp

The evil Dallas Cowboys have launched the NFL's 2010 training camps. Das Wampyr (left) seems to be expressing happiness with the pressure of his deluded expectations.

Amid enough self-congratulation to float the Hindendburg, Dallas is already providing injuries and hilarious/retarded spats between (guess who?) their wide receivers.

According to rookie Dez "What U Say Bout My Mama?" Bryant:
I didn't know nothing about no tradition. The only thing about me ... when I try to do something right, ya'll try and turn it negative and I don't feel like that's right. I'm trying my best to do the right thing but it seems like I can't do the right thing because every little thing that I do ya'll watching it and try to make a big deal out of it.
Feel the burn, sucka! I smell blood in the water. They're calling it "Pad-Flap," I shit you not. I guess "Pad-gate" was already taken. Looking at you, Pope Nazi Pederast II.

Although other training camps will soon take away some attention, Dallas will remain under crippling scrutiny. Which is perfect, because when Washington steals the season opener, the overhyped Cowboys will crumble to dust, like old dry cat shit.

Washington opens their camp on Thursday, July 29th. Just in time I gleaned some tidbits acquired from Football Outsiders' Almanac. They are predicting 9.2 wins (what the hell?) and playoffs, despite the fact that "short-term success masks a long-term foundation that still resembles Swiss cheese."

The Almanac points out plenty of alarming statistics, but this chunk will be the last I hope to say about the unfairness of blaming Campbell for DC's 2009 woes ... he was hurried on 23% of his passes, most in the league. Call me stubborn, but that must improve this season.

I think it will.

Training camp is Xmas Eve. Every fan can see all the shiny presents under the tree, and their imaginations run free with delightful possibilities. For most, the disappointment of knit sweaters and walnuts in the stockings (what the hell?) will be abject. But until the morning, every fans' dreams are intact.

The entire NFC North will report on Friday, July 30th. These are the last teams to open camp. This weekend, I'll launch my 24-hour twitter page to keep you abreasted of all training camp developments.

Hail to DC Skins, Hail Victory!

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