Washington "football player" Albert Haynesworth failed his second attempt at a conditioning test. He will have to pass the test in order to practice. If Coach Shanahan racks up five failures by Fat Albert, Shanahan will become an "ace" and receive a silk flying scarf.
In a thematically-related story, that fat slob who puked on people at the Phillies game pled guilty and will be sentenced to 1-3 months of jail. For puking!
Thank Gibbs there were no authorities around on my twenty-first birthday. I'd still be on the chain gang.