Schadenfreude was my guiding emotion through the weekend's football events. My Channukah Wish was granted when the Cowgirls got totally spanked at home. This was the first time in seventeen years that the #1 NFC seed lost in the Divisional Round.
It made B.O. Owens cry, which was absolutely priceless and godless ("I had all faith in God and believed that I could get back on this field in a timely matter the way I did today. I couldn't have done it without God," according to B.O.) It will also set up a full year of questioning Romo's commitment: football, or tabloid romance with his pop-slut and her parents?The Cowbums haven't won a playoff game since a wildcard win over the Vikes 1996. Twenty-four NFL franchises have at least one playoff victory since the Cowbots' last post-season win. Dallas dominated Pro Bowl voting in a typical choad-load, and those twelve ass-blasters (note: each unit has a total of eleven players) will be crying themselves to sleep on their huge pillows. All the asshole Cowgoy fans -- both the real ones and the bandwagoneers -- have to choke down this dark & bitter lozenge with all the unquenchable agony of an anorexic girl at the Minnesota State Fair.
My next Chanukkah wish (I get eight, according to the literature) is for the Chargers to lose badly. Why? Because I like them. I like them and I hate Nerfneck Turner. That scabby-necked asshole, turning purple and bewailing like a bebitch. Gross! I want Turner fired so that I can enjoy the Chargers again.I want the Packers to win only because I want the Giants to lose. I hate the Giants -- not nearly as much as I hate the Cowgirls -- and am looking forward to Eli's scrunchy little frowny face being so sad.
Playoff Pick 'Em Standings
Injustice Norwood: 10 pts
Adw: 7 pts
Jess: 7 pts
L'il E: 7 pts
Miwacar: 6 pts
MMMan: 7 pts
Big BM: 1 pt
13 comments:
That picture of T.O. makes me so very happy.
I didn't think Cowboys cried, except for those brokeback mountain cowboys.
Weak, MMMan. Did you go to St. Thomas or something?
"Dicks are for pussies, Mac freaks"
Hey, that's racist.
I hope so. Pretend Jew.
Hey by the way, will I get something extra for winning the playoff pickem' while not changing my original picks?
Oh yeah, you'll definitely get something special.
Very special indeed.
I'd like to clarify that by 'something special' I mean it be something pleasant and satisfying. Something like having the progenitor of this foolish tournament subsist in existential hell for the duration of his productive years.
Jerious, that was either a vicious stab at Andrew's current life, or we are going to have to seriously redefine what one means by "productive". And "years".
Either way. Kudos.
It was more a commentary on the human condition, though please feel free to construe it that way as you wish.
Andrew shouldn't I have more points because I haven't changed my picks? Or do I have that many points becuase I haven't changed my picks? Or, or do I not have enough points because I...
By the way, did you get my present?
1) Miwacar, I did get your present and I am a bad person (in this case, for not thanking you). I will be using them with pride and satisfaction ... I haven't seen a bong in years, but I'll have to change that.
2) J. Norwood, you can be assured I already live in an existential hell. I'm one of those melancholy artistic types. All you can do to heighten this anguish is to simply be yourself. As Sartre put it, "Hell is other people."
3) The "bonus" for not changing picks in the pick 'em is a tie-breaker versus someone who has changed their picks. What do you want, a medal?
4) The grand prize for winning the tournament? You'll just have to wait and see.
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