With a minimum of fanfare or administrative enthusiasm, I would like to invite all readers of I Dislike Your Favorite Team to participate in a wee little NFL Playoff Pick 'Em. This will be our first attempt at such a contest, but it might be a lot of fun*.Each round will be weighted, just like a March Madness bracket. So the Wildcard Round will be worth 1 point, Divisional round worth 2 points, Conference Championship worth 3 points and Superbowl winner worth 5 points.
That seems fair, and it means that if you aren't able to get in on the first round it will still be worth participating. Also, everyone will be able to pick week by week, so you won't be locked in. However, if you pick all the way through and make no changes you will be afforded special tie-breaker status.
The NFL playoffs differ from March Madness in that teams don't stay in one bracket system. In the NFL, the highest seeded team will always play against the lowest seeded team, regardless of regular season record. The highest seeded team will always play at home.
These are how the NFL playoffs are seeded:
AFC
1. New England Patriots (16-0)
2. Indianapolis Colts (13-3)
3. San Diego Chargers (11-5)
4. Pittsburgh Steelers (10-6)
5. Jacksonville Jaguars (11-5)
6. Tennessee Titans (10-6)
NFC
1. Dallas Cowboys (13-3)
2. Green Bay Packers (13-3)
3. Seattle Seahawks (10-6)
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-7)
5. New York Giants (10-6)
6. Washington Redskins (9-7)
A sample bracket, using silly teams, might look like this:
Wild Card Winners: Miami, Raiders; Lions, Vikings
Divisional Winners: Chiefs, Raiders; Panthers, Eagles
Championship Winners: Raiders, Panthers
Superbowl Winner: Raiders
Now that's good comedy!
The easiest way to do this is to put your picks in the comments section. That way I can't be accused of cheating. And if no one puts any picks down it will be really obvious and I'll be sad and you'll all know that I'm sad and maybe you'll feel sorry for hurting my feelings.
Wildcard Schedule
Saturday: Washington Redskins at Seattle Seahawks (4:30 EST)
Jacksonville Jaguars at Pittsburgh Steelers (8 EST)
Sunday: NY Giants at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1 EST)
Tennessee Titans at San Diego Chargers (4:30 EST)
Prizes
Yes, prizes. Um. First place will garner you a one-hour full body sensual massage from Big BM. Second place is a two-hour full body sensual massage from Big BM. Ba-Zing!
All right, get to it my pets. Good luck.
* amount of fun subject to change
28 comments:
So I'll go first. Not too radical, I'll admit.
Wildcard Winners: Jaguars, Chargers; Giants, Redskins
Divisional Winners: Jaguars, Patriots; Packers, Redskins
Championship Winners: Patriots, Packers
Superbowl Winner: Patriots
Wildcard Winners: Steelers, Redskins, Chargers, Giants
Division: Patriots, Colts, Dallas, Giants
League: Colts, Dallas
Supercampion: Colts
Take that Tom Brady you talented, handsome, smart, successful, fortunate jerk!
Wildcard Winners: Wice's, Mom's, Cunt, Smells
Division: Wice's, Heritage, Is, Questionable
Championship Winners: I, Hope
Championship Winners: You Live
So, I can either make all my picks right now or pick week-by-week? I know it's all laid out in the post, but I just want to make sure before I make my picks.
*dumb*
What happens if I win? Right now the prizes sound a lot like my typical Saturday afternoon.
Jess,
Lay out all your picks now, if you're up for it. Everyone is welcome to change their picks until game time. If you stick with your initial picks all the way, you'll get a special tie-breaker bonus. Don't stress over this.
J. Norwood,
What are those, Canadian teams? Come on, this is only for the NFL. Sheesh.
Big BM,
Like how I used "Sheesh" instead of "Jesus" so I didn't offend anybody?
I will stress over this if I damn well please, Wice.
Wildcard: Washington Racist Mascots, Giants, Jags, Chargers.
Divisional: Pats, Colts, Packers, Cowboys.
Championship: Pats, Cowboys.
Super Bowl: Pats.
I'm really going out on a limb with these.
Mr. Andrew "I hate Jeebus" Wise,
I see you sell out the skins in the NFC championship game. If the Skins go to the superbowl you will be mocked daily. You will be forced to wear a crown of thorny feathers on your head, have your skin painted red in lead based paint, and will be nailed to a cactus with the words "king of the racebaiter fans/ and jews" over your head. I know your people sold out Jeebus to the romans, but I thought you had learned your lesson from that mistake.
....and my picks are:
WIldcard: Chargers, Steelers, Tampa, Skins
Divisional: Pats, Colts, Skins, Pack
Champ: Pats, Pack
Super: Pack
Well, call me crazy, but I'm actually thinking the Skins will get there on 21-mourning power alone. I hate those damn Pats (well mostly just Darth Belichick) with all my soul but they sure are facking good. So here's my insane pick 'em:
Wildcards: Chargers, Jags; Giants, Skins
Divisions: Skins, Packers; Pats, Colts
Champs: Skins, Pats
Superbowl Winner: Pats
MMMan, if the Redskins do what I hope they'll do, I won't need this pick 'em or cash from vegas to feel good.
Only two days left before the playoffs start. The picks look good so far.
But how come no one is picking the Raiders to go all they way?
Alright Wice, for not putting the skins in the superbowl, which someone else had the balls to do, I hereby declare you chicken for life. Every morning you will wake up to "Good Morning Chicken" and at your wedding I'll sing "Bawwwk bawk bawk-bawk, Bawwwk bawk bawk-bawk...."
CHICKEN!
Wildcards: Bolts; Jags; Giants; Hawks
Divisions: Hawks; Giants; Pats, Bolts
Champs: Hawks; Bolts
Superbowl Winner: Bolts
P.S Wice, you insipid cunt.
Why not take a look at the playoff bracket: http://www.sportsline.com/nfl/standings/playoffrace/bracket
and then rethink your picks you fuckwit. Do you even know what football is?
I liked when Wice got called an insipid cunt.
Wildcard: Drunken Savages, Bucs, Jags, Titans
Divisional: Jags, Colts, Skins, Bucs
Conference: Skins, Colts
SuperBowl: Colts
I don't know which is better, watching a supposed Raiders fan pick the Nerf Turner-led Chargers as the Superbowl winner or having my intelligence insulted by said Raiders fan.
No, Norwood, it is you who are the insipid cunt. Those brackets are not locked in, the highest seed will always play the lowest. That means if the Redskins win they'll play the Cowboys next week.
I'm not going to argue this point, you'll just have to apologize later.
But I like how your deep knowledge of football means mis-interpreting sportsline.com.
The Jags are the #5 seed, if they defeat Pitt while the #6 seed Titans lose to the Chargers... I wonder who is going to play the #1 seed Patriots? The Colts?
I don't even think there's Jewish blood on your father's side of the family. If I know my stereotypes, and I think I do, aren't you people supposed to be somewhat smart and successful. Jesus Fuckin' H Christ.
For fuck's sake...
Wice, was your mailman growing up a kindly old man from Alabama with a speech impediment by any chance?
Oh, I see my error.
Do you see yours?
I would like to change my AFC Divisional pick at this time: Colts, Pats.
Not rolling off your mom quick enough? Associating with you?
Can I have a hint?
Ha Ha.
Oh, and by "Ha Ha", I mean that I dislike your favorite team, and I enjoy when they don't display enough passion to play competently in honor of a fallen teammate. Maybe if two or three of them had died, they'd only have lost by ten points. You suck, and obviously so does your favorite team.
P.S. Too bad they don't have a good enough draft choice to draft a talented strong safety.
Bitter, table for one?
Chicken, table for two.
The Lions are the worst team in the NFL over the last six years and show no signs of recovery thanks to the highest-paid yet least-competent GM in football, table for three.
That's right - three. One spot for me, and two spots for your momma and her double watermellon sized ass.
Updated Picks (since stupid skins lost), simply replace Skins with Giants. Can't play football when your thinking of Jessica Simpsons boobs in your face - take that stupid Cowboys, NO RING FOR T.O.!
MMMan,
Change noted but please update your picks once I post the Pick Em update (Monday evening), so that I don't "accidentally" forget.
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