Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The Annual Addendum About: The Redskins

The name really is indefensible and it should change. But the owner disagrees, so it isn't going to change anytime soon.

I'm tired of proposing my proposition that the "Redskins" remain as such but strip all the imagery and feathers and make the name literal: they wear red. One objection is that you couldn't have a team called the Albuquerque N-Words or the Kansas City Kikes, even after you mothballed "Shylock the Shark" and "Watermelon Day".

I live in New Mexico, with 165,944 Native Americans (2000 census). That's 9.5% of the population, the second highest concentration in the country after Alaska. I play basketball sometimes with fellas from the Santo Domingo Pueblo. Stuart likes the Redskins. But I also don't think he would be offended by a name change.

The owner of the Redskins is the only person who can change the name. He isn't hanging onto the name because he hates Native Americans. It is the history wrapped up in the name, from a lifetime of loving the team. Daniel Snyder was seventeen when the Washington Redskins won their first Superbowl. And now he owns them. I might have become just as autocratic if I had not been a tender eight in January of 1983.

I propose a compromise, folks. Change the name, keep the history. Lose all possible reference to Native Americans, but keep them the "Reds" or the "Redsleeves" or the "Red Bones" or something. No one wants to root for the Washington Wizards in large part because that name absolutely sucks, so make it something cool.

Here's more: the ownership is not going to give up the history, so let them have it. Don't touch the old display jerseys and what's written on the three Superbowl trophies.

But move forward with a new name. It's just a new chapter in the heroic saga of the Greatest Team In Professional Sports, the Three-Time World Champion Washington Football Team.


Muumuuman said...

Keep the name, remove the native from the helmet and replace him with the hammer and sickle. Now that's a new meaning that everyone can enjoy.

Lucy Rhode said...

How about the Washington Anarchists? I hear they are staging a comeback.

I've not attended a meeting in Saint Paul for weeks that doesn't include discussion about the RNC. For the most part, everyone is excited. Lots of businesses are looking forward to the extra income. My apartment has been rented for the week, and now my student debt is cleared! Perversely, I'm leaving my liberal paraphernalia proudly displayed.)

Today's meeting was unique. We discussed the "anarchists." First responders, apparently, are running "anarchist drills."

I think they are confused. Have these folks never seen how we protest in Saint Paul? We serve cookies and oatmeal bars for Christ's sake! I know outside forces will share our corners, but I never imagined anarchists. Perhaps I won't flock to Seattle that week.

As I was saying . . . How about the Washington Anarchists? I hear they are staging a comeback.

Andrew Wice said...

They heard you.

The pollo is in the cholla, I repeat, the pollo is in the cholla.

Big Blue Monkey said...

I actually like Andrew's suggestions. It is a shame that Eagles is already taken, as there are far more Eagles living in DC than there are in that armpit of Philly.

(also, there are probably more Hawks living in the DC area than in Atlanta.)

How about Red Snakes? With a Copperhead logo? There are definitely copperheads living in the DC area. I had a friend who almost lost an arm to one at Great Falls Park, which is all of 20 minutes from DC.

Washington Redsnakes; Washington Coppers; Washington Heads.

Something like that.

Lucy Rhode said...

Washington Cherry Blossoms?

Washington Cherries?

Washington Chers?

Washington Che?

Ummm. I'm tapped until next year.

Andrew Wice said...

How about the Redwings? That implies both a bird as well as a very progressive sexual attitude ...

Andrew Wice said...


I present unto you:

The Washington Whitefolks.

Turnaround is fair play and it is a hell of a lot more accurate. Who's more powerful than the Whitefolks in Washington, D.C.?

Fucking nobody, that's who.

I'm ready to start designing the logo.

Lucy Rhode said...

I dig it. I'll make some calls.