I Dislike Your Favorite Team

Last year, the Colts started out 13-0. They had finally added a stout defense to the high-powered offense. Most of their wins came over chumps but they did beat New England (40-21), Cincy (45-37 -- anyone see that one? It was fucking hot) and future Superbowl Champion Pittsburgh (26-7).

Let's revisit that lovely December 18th home dome game against future non-playoff contenders San Diego Chargers. This game provides the first evidence to support my 100% contention that the Colts will ABSOLUTELY not win it all and any talking head/sportswriter who claims otherwise is as dumb as a woman.

How did the Chargers beat the Invincible Team of Destiny, Hype & Hyperbole? Especially when Manning threw for 336 yards? The Chargers held the Colts to 24 yards rushing and ran for 206. The Colts are fast on D but crumble before a power running team. Deny their ability to run and they lose control of the clock. This will be a key to the Colts losing in the playoffs yet again.

After that loss, the Colts went into a nosedive that was just fucking hilarious. They were the most demoralized 14-2 team in the history of the NFL. When the playoffs began, they hadn't played hard in a month. And they went home three hours later. This is something that is becoming very apparent: the Colts don't have the testicularity to win the big game.

You see, just because you can drop 45 points on St. Louis, 38 on Houston (the Colts ran up the #1 point differential in the league), what matters is if you can win a close game against a good team. Pittsburgh won, 18-21.

That is the evidence from last year. You say, Badcock, I see what you're getting at but the Colts are an elite team and only need a little tweaking to go "over the top" (a reference to the classic Stallone film Hardbodies 2). I say, I'm going to give you an inside-out pink sock if you don't shut up.

THIS IS WHY THE COLTS ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT WIN THE SUPERBOWL
For salary cap reasons, the Colts chose to re-sign WR Reggie Wayne rather than RB Edgerrin James. Once again, a team grunts out a moneyshot all over a WR, to the detriment of the team. Don't believe me? I've got numbers for you.

Reggie Wayne had an excellent year as the #2 receiver, and is expected to supplant "FHOF" Harrison in the next few years. However, RB James is so very much more valuable. How much? Check it:

Receiving Yards
Wayne 83-1055 5 TD (40% of receiving, 17% TD by WRs)
James 44-337 1 TD (75% of receiving, 100% TD by RBs)

Rushing Yards
Wayne 0-0 0 TD
James 360-1506 13 TD (88% of rushing,72% TD by RBs)

Please allow me to continue to crunch these numbers before your eyes: the evidence is compelling that Dungy has pulled a king-sized boner -- and I don't mean by being such a bad father that his son killed himself to escape.

Touches is an important way of evaluating the value of a player to his team:
Wayne 83-1055 for 5 TD (8% of team touches)
James 404-1843 for 14 TD (41% of team touches)

There is a much bigger drop-off in production with the backup RBs than backup WRs. The Colts also claimed they made the decision because of ages, even though James is only two years older. And as for James's health? He has averaged 320 carries since 2001 knee surgery.

I hope that I am convincing you that this was a huge boner by the Colts. Not quite on par with the Vikings-Cowboys trade (Herschel Walker traded for 3 Superbowls), but I predict that this will go down in history as the deal that cemented Manning to Marino. Here's a quick quiz: what was Dan Marino lacking that kept the all-time record holding QB from ever winning the Superbowl? I'll give you a hint, it rhymes with "cunning came."

Don't misunderstand: despite letting their MVP leave and having some holes on the defense, the Colts play in a division with shitty, shitty teams and for some reason (despite being the #1 AFC seed in last year's playoffs) have again one of the top-ten easiest schedules. They will beat plenty of teams. But they will lose in the playoffs, again. I just told you why. I dare you to challenge Badcock.