Saturday, August 19, 2006

No More Tears

The big question for the NFC North -- the Dana Plato of the 2006-2007 NFL season -- is who will be worse, the Packers or the Lions? This might be the most difficult prediction for the entire year. I mean, they both really suck.

Watching Farver strap it on for another season is like when you watch a horror film and you're screaming "Don't go into the basement!" and they just stroll on down the cellar stairs ... hmm, the light switch doesn't work, the bulb must be out.
At long last, Packer-haters may get to see what they've been waiting a long time to see: Brett Farver suffering a season-ending injury. Badcock will now tell you why.

The Packers O-Line has steadily eroded to the point where one has to assume the ownership WANTS Farve to die. The best lineman on last year's shitty, shitty line (31st in the league in yards-per-rush), C Mike Flanagan, skipped town.
What I don't understand is why the Packer-faithful (see how faithful they are after they post losing seasons the next 5 years) so ardently wanted Farve to return.
He should have retired before last year's SIDS baby came into the brutally cold light of day. Brett "You Have to Say 'Future First-Ballot Hall of Famer' Under Penalty of Law" Farvre finished 31st in passer rating last year. That's bad. That's really, really bad. He was a crappier quarterback, statistically, than Boobs Bollinger of the Jets and BOTH of the Baltimore Raven's "quarterbacks." That's really, really bad. But, Packer-Fackers will proclaim, Farvre brings the experience and determination of a one-time Superbowl MVP to the huddle. That's true. Unfortunately, once the ball is snapped, you'd be better off with Boobs Bollinger.

What about his grit, his come-from-behind heroics, his endurance? In the last ten games of the year, Farver threw 6 TDs and 21 INTs.

So the big problem for the Pack is the Farvre Albatross. But that's just where it starts. Nothing says "running game" like an entirely new blocking scheme, especially when the best RB is coming off a surgically repaired quadricep. Nothing says "passing game" like trading away the best WR on your team. They have chosen to go into the year with Donald "Zamboni" Driver as their #1 receiver. It doesn't matter -- he'll never see the ball.

The Packers have their fourth defensive coordinator in four years. Last year they were 23rd in the league in opponents' rushing yards per game. Expect that to get worse, because the offense will be even worse than last year. This means a lot more playing time for the underweight D-Line. The LBs are low quality, so the Packers may be starting two rookie LBs. Don't think people won't be looking to take advantage of that. An inability to thus stop the run will be trouble for the pass defense. I predict there will be a lot of big pass plays against the Packer secondary. They have two talented but gamble-prone CBs who will be playing without help, for the safeties will have to be in the box.

Favrer will get hurt because his team will always be behind in points and time of possession. He'll be chucking desperate haymakers by halftime. I predict that he will be on his way to setting the INT record when he suffers a career-ending injury. Sorry Brett. It was a hell of good run. Now go the fuck away.

New coach Mike McCarthy better start stealing pens immediately, because I doubt he'll be here for very long. He is taking over one of the least talented teams in the NFL. There is no doubt: the Packers will suck. But will they suck worse than the Detroit Lions?


Miwacar said...

I said the Pack was whack the other night at Big Blue's pad. wow, what a coincidink. and the best thing is, it is so true.

Jerious Norwood said...

What do you mean. B. Favre says its the most talented Pack team during his fun-having, Chewey-loving, linebacking mentalitying career.

Badcock said...

Brett can enjoy his linebacker's mentality when he's trying to learn how to walk again.