I Dislike Your Favorite Team

The Lions are the other candidate for the worst team in the NFL North. The failings of the Packers are delineated below. Why will the Detroit Lions suck so bad this year? That's like asking a duck-fucker why he likes fucking ducks so much. It's just what they do.
Try and deny it. No team has been worse than the Lions over the last five years. No one has even been close. We're talking a four-win average for five years running. Apparently no one told Matt Millen that the days of the dynasty are supposed to be over. The Lions are the Diarrhea Dynasty of the 21st Century. This is sort of funny but also sort of sad, like when a baby dies from AIDS.
Millen brings in his third head coach, Rod "Who?" Marinelli. New O-Cooridinator Mike "Overrated" Martz's first job will be to preside over the quarterback "competition" between Messrs. Kitna and McCown. My guess is Kitna will get the nod, his experience as a punching bag on shitty teams trumping his popgun arm. But it's a toss-pot, really. Would you prefer McCown's 9 TD: 11 INT or Kitna's 0 TD: 2 INT ratios for 2005?
The Lions offense was ranked 26th in rushing yards, 26th in passing yards, and (tellingly) 28th in scoring. What have they done to change this, besides bringing in yet another coach? Jack and shit, and Jack just left town to get on the Washington Redskins bandwagon. Toot toot!
The role of Marshall Faulk will be played by Kevin Jones, whose lack of pass-catching skills (20-109 and 0 TD's) will regrettably undermine Martz's system. The WR's are very good but the Lions have followed most NFL teams down the path of spending ALL of their draft picks and money on the skill position which touches the ball the least. Roy Williams, Charles Rogers and Mike Williams are all first round picks. Yet they had (respectively) 45 catches, 14 catches and 29 catches. By contrast, the Lions punted 84 times in 2005 -- yes, that's more than all them fellows put together. The O-Line is a combination of sissies and underachievers.
On the D-Line, lone talent DT Shaun Rogers will be double- and triple-teamed. Insert your joke here. The LBs are fast but lack size, durability and nutsacks. The only reason Detroit didn't give up more yards in the air is because they were behind by big points all year. Dre Bly and Kenoy "$10,000 fine" Kennedy are talented but inconsistent, and the other starters and backups are substandard, even for the NFC North.
Well there you have it, folks. I encourage you, dear reader, to begin to debate this topic: who will suck worse in the suckiest division in football, Detroit or Green Bay? Their first head-to-head game will be September 24th. I will not be watching.