Sunday, September 14, 2008

More About Matt Cassel Than Anyone Could Possibly Want to Know

Yahoo double-first named writer Josh Peter has apparently been stalking Matt Cassel since he was an embryo, and it has finally paid off in this ridiculous puff piece about the quarterback who has made more money doing less work than anyone this side of Jessica Simpson.

Of course, I'm exaggerating the length that Peter has gone to to sketch Cassel. Or am I? I quote:

In 1994, he played in the Little League World Series in Williamsport, Pa. He was
the starting first baseman and ringleader of the cutups on “The Earthquake
Kids,” so nicknamed because the 12-year-olds were from Northridge, Calif.,
rocked by an earthquake months before the boys staged their improbable run that
ended with a 4-3 loss to Venezuela.

Pillow fights. Pranks. Horseplay. When mischief continued to break out in Williamsport, the team’s assistant coach, George Saul, ordered Cassel out of the barracks occupied by the players and into an adjoining room for the coaches.


Matt Cassel hasn't started a game since he was in fucking high school. According to Josh Peter, this makes him incredibly endearing. And I suppose if he goes out and chucks a couple of bombs to Randy Moss, the rest of the world will agree with that take.

But let's stare facts in the fact shall we? And maybe take a somewhat more critical eye to Matthew Cassel (rhymes with Castle!). It has been nine years since he took an opening snap for a football game. He was a back-up to USC Quarterbacks (Josh Peter is quick to note that they were both Heisman winners) Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart. He was there for five years.

Josh Peter's headline is that Cassel is finally getting his shot. It looks to me that he was conspicuously avoiding his shot. If he wanted to start, could he not have transferred to another school? Who plays the back-up quarterback position for five years? Why is that an endearing fact?

I will give credit to Josh Peter for this moment of YouTube stupidity. Here's the future of the New England Patriots, doing Karaoke, and picking the Backstreet Boys. I, like rest of the world (Massachusetts and parts of Connecticut excluded) look forward to the Jets absolutely sodomizing the New England Patriots.

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