I Dislike Your Favorite Team

Just to break up the view ... I'm well aware that most of the world is too busy watching the World Cup and blowing on their vulvulvas to think about the NFL. After all, the tournament is heating up while the NFL will be quiet until training camp at the end of July.

My longstanding disdain for soccer is a product of my high school experience. The soccer lads wore polo shirts and played golf, the football players lifted weights and drank beer. Since my hometown is definitely of the polo-shirt-and-golf set, the football team had to struggle for players and equipment while the soccer lads got Gatorade and full attendance.

Since then, I've maintained my hilarious disdain. But sides are being drawn politically, and I'll be damned if I join hands with the far right on any subject like soccer.

I think that it is amusing how elated/crushed soccer fans get. It's not for me, but I won't poop on the world's parade. So I measure my response, and while I hope the U.S. team loses and goes home to blowdry their show-pony hair, I'd love to see a third-world country such as my native (new) Mexico achieve something they can be proud of. Ghana!

But life, for me, begins when the NFL season begins. And at least some of our readers may agree. Therefore, the first prognostications from Professor Badcock's Future-Seeing Factory. The factory now runs exclusively on an oil-seawater amalgam. Drill baby drill!

NFL DIVISIONAL PREVIEW

AFC East is rising: a very competitive 3-team division with a tough schedule. Win %: .500

Opponents: NFC North & AFC North

AFC North is falling: a very competitive 3-team division with an impossible schedule. Win % .516:

Opponents: NFC South & AFC East

AFC South is rising: the best in the league, a 4-team division with a beatable schedule. Win %: .594

Opponents: NFC East & AFC West

AFC West is slowly rising: a noncompetitive 1-team division with a mixed schedule. Win %: .469

Opponents: NFC West & AFC South

National

NFC East is falling: a competitive, 2-team division with a difficult schedule. Win %: .531

Opponents: NFC North & AFC South

NFC North is rising: a competitive 2-team division with a difficult schedule. Win %: .500

Opponents: NFC East & AFC East

NFC South is slowly rising: a competitive 2-team division with a beatable schedule. Win %: .516

Opponents: NFC West & AFC North

NFC West is plummeting: a noncompetitive division with a mixed schedule. Win % .375

Opponents: NFC South & AFC West

There will be another IDYFT Pick’em this year. 2-time champion Jess will defend her title.

Upon your perusal, you may notice that the NFC East and NFC North will clash, which means we might as well have another IDYFT Cup. The Packers took it last time but things have certainly changed since then. The best part, dear reader, is that you don’t have to do a thing.