Saturday, January 03, 2009

Nice Spin, Vikings Players

I was going to be totally content to silently root against the Vikings, but they had to throw absolute idiocy in my face, and now I'm loudly, actively rooting against the Vikings.

My issue is this quote from Vikings linebacker Chad Greenway.  After writing about the meandering route the Vikings have taken to the playoffs, Stupid Fat Fuck Charlie Powers quotes Chad as saying, "We've won nine of our last 12. We started off on the wrong foot, and expectations were really high. But we're 10-6 with a chance to have success in the playoffs."

Wow!  9-3 over the last 12 games!  What an arbitrary measure of success!  But, all the same, still valid.  But rather than just celebrate that record, could we just take a moment to look at it?

First the three losses--only one of them was to a playoff bound team--Atlanta (who is already out of the playoffs).  The other two losses were to a seriously flawed Chicago team, and Tampa Bay, whose problems are long and well-known.  When your biggest star on offense is Jeff Garcia, I don't think I need to say anything more.

Just at the Viking's losses were, for the most part, not against playoff teams, the vast majority of their wins were against pretty substandard teams--in those nine wins they beat, in order of impressiveness:  Detroit (twice!), Chicago, Green Bay, Jacksonville, Houston, New Orleans, Arizona, and NY Giants.  Caveat:  the Giants played their second team almost the entire second half.  That's two playoff teams in 9 wins.  Now, it isn't the Vikings fault that they played against such lackluster competition, but it is their fault that they trumpet wins against Detroit as proof of their solid season.   Their drubbing of Arizona was impressive, but also came on a day where Arizona absolutely self-destructed in the first quarter--Kurt Warner throwing a nonsensical interception; Boldin dropping a fumble, etc.  

Is that really that impressive of an 9-3 record?  So, you know, fuck you Chad Greenway, for feeling underappreciated for your Incredible 10-6, backasswards dance in the playoffs into the season.  Let's see how you all fare against a NFC East team that plays the whole game.

(Note:  You may have noticed a fair amount of hate for the Vikings, and for Stupid Fat Fuck Tom Powers.  His stupid anti-soccer column is a couple of years old now, and maybe, you are thinking, it is time for me to stop calling Tom Powers a stupid fat fuck.  Before you say that, or even think it, please do read his opening paragraph where I grabbed the quote.  Read it, and tell me he isn't at least a stupid fuck:

If these Minnesota Vikings were little kids, they would step in every mud puddle on the way home from school. If they were truckers, they would take the desolate, uncharted back roads. If they were New York City tourists, they would jump on the subway, wave a hundred-dollar bill and holler: "Can anybody break this?"

That's as stupid of an opening paragraph as you'll find anywhere.  How are the Vikings like naive tourists?  How are naive tourists like kids who jump in mud puddles?  There's a difference between enjoying the long way home and getting yourself mugged/killed.  Powers can't even keep his own metaphors straight for two fucking sentences.


The Black Freighter said...

Pffft. Although SFFTP's slop and drivel is unreadable, I think you are spouting off on a completely palatable topic. A team's record is important and all playoff caliber teams should enjoy a run of success during the season regardless of the teams they beat. But rather than just inaccurately post your extremely biased thoughts on their record, could we just take a moment to look at it?

The Vikings' schedule was a lot more difficult than you are giving it credit for... regardless of the Giants playing starters for only 2 quarters (we had a lead at half). The Vikings played 9 of their 16 games against teams with winning records including the top 2 seeds in the NFC playoff bracket. They played two other teams with .500 records. Of the 5 remaining games, 4 of them were divisional which are often more difficult than a standard game against a crappy team.

The Vikings' 6 losses consisted of playoff teams (Indy, @Tenn and Hotlanta), teams in the playoff hunt until the final week (@Tampa Bay and @Chicago) and at Green Bay, Monday Night Football, first week of the season.

The Vikings' 10 wins consisted of playoff teams (@Buzzsaw, Carolina and New York Giants), teams in the playoff hunt (Houston, Chicago and @New Orleans), @Jax and then 4 divisional wins (GB, Det x2 and Chi).

As you can plainly see, your hatred for all that is purple and SFFTP has completely blinded you. And you picked on Chad Greenway... a strong candidate for the pro bowl this year in only his 2nd true season.

What about TJack and Big Bad Brad... weren't those easy enough targets for you? Perhaps your head was exploding as well during the many clock management fiascos throughout the year?

C'mon Big Blue... I know you can do better than this. Perhaps if Livan played quarterback for the Vikes his ability to suck, yet play 4 quarters would have made a difference in this completely underwhleming season!

Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening said...

I could do better than this, but I refuse to.

Take that, BF.