Friday, January 09, 2009

Great--A Panda With a Taste For Human Blood

We warned you all. WE FUCKING WARNED YOU. What did we say when that crazy Chinaman crawled into Gu-Gu's enclosure?

We said not to fuck with Gu-Gu in Gu-Gu's House. We've based an entire term on the stupidy of wandering into a panda enclosure.

It was good advice, and a great neologism, but it is too late. Gu-Gu has a taste for human blood. Apparently, you don't even have to try to hug him--you just have to jump the fence into his enclosure, in an attempt to retrieve a toy your stupid, stupid child (or brilliant species-betraying child who is colluding with the pandas) threw over the railing.

But didn't hug the panda, but you did fuck with Gu-Gu. Great. When we are all slaves/snacks for our Panda Overlords, I hope you remember that I warned you.

By the way, a fact I totally just made up right now--Gu-Gu transliterates into English as, "the Baggy Eyed Dominator of the Walking Ape." So it is practically (made-up) prophecy that Gu-Gu would rise up and start the Cute, Cuddly Revolution.


Lucy Rhode said...

Oh Christ. I love Hugging the Panda. I remember the first episode like it was last night. And then there was that foolish, rainy day when I got the tattoo . . .

Do you think his Panda buddies are wondering when the stupid humans are going to put the "vicious" clown down? Don't we bite back when humiliated?

Gu-Gu understands political theatre a bit too well.

Andrew Wice said...

Strategically, the Pandas are hoping to draw us into a ground war in Asia.

I hope our leaders can see that this is a trap!