I Dislike Your Favorite Team

The Washington offseason had been refreshingly flaccid. The only decision that's made me grind my teeth was bringing in Haslett and a 3-4 defense. Until today.

Big BM beat me to the punch, but there's no question that signing RB Larry Johnson is going to be a controversial move among Washington fans. I don't like it, and I expect most fans don't like it either. Even if he never actually points at my own, personal titties.

Johnson's on-field problems are a result of too many carries on shitty Chiefs teams. He's a top-heavy, physical runner who also possesses good straight-line speed for a 230-pound back. He managed to accumulate many yards behind mediocre offensive lines. Johnson is no passing threat out of the backfield, and no longer has the legs to hit the big play. After scoring 55 TDs in his first six seasons, he has scored zero in his last two years and played in less than half the games.

Johnson was brought in to complement veteran RB Clinton Portis, who is at a similar stage in his career. Any fans hoping to get younger at the position must hold out hope for a mid-round draft pick. Johnson was signed to a 3-year, incentive-laden contract that could be worth up to $12 million (but certainly won't).

Coach Shanahan has great respect for Johnson, a result of competing against him in the AFC West so many years. But he's not the back he was four years ago; RBs are falling through the cracks in this free agency period and it probably would have been worthwhile to try out, say, Lendale White.

Of greater consequence than Johnson's diminishing contributions is his sordid personal history of violence against women. He has been dogged by controversy throughout his career; his antipathy towards reporters and (some say) teammates has done nothing to ingratiate him to the fans. He was finally released by the Chiefs, not because of the steady stream of sexual and aggravated assault allegations, or controversy over a rude rap song, but because he insulted his head coach, insulted fans and said "Get your faggot ass outta here" to a reporter.

Washington fans ought to get used to his agent issuing these kinds of statements in the near future:

“I’m going to work to that point to get my life back on track and know that I and I alone put myself in these critical situations and environments to where things don’t come out favorably to me.”

But if that's too subtle a doublespeak, check out various blogs from his present/former ladyfriends, such as Julissa from BET. A sample from the comments should let DC fans know what we just signed up for:

"OH SHUT THE HELL UP!!! HE aint TRICKIN on that UGLY “BROWN” BITCH!!!! and he aint the typa nigga to trick! SO “LETOYA” like i said quit posin like ur sumone else. GET A LIFE n get off his dick. He aint stuntin you HOE!"

He's not exactly Joe Gibbs material, is he? I hope this isn't the direction we're going.

And fathers of daughters ... to paraphrase Chris Rock, if your daughter is dating Larry Johnson, you fucked up.