Monday, August 27, 2007

May we have your liver, then?

Preseason injuries are a frustrating phenomena, and there is still one more preseason game to go. The balance between playing time in game conditions versus danger of injury is equivocal; with the invisible hand of CA$H MONEY tipping the scales, we should not expect the NFL to drop back down to three (or less) exhibition games. The sad roster of the wounded continues:

Arizona Cardinals won't be helped by losing OT Oliver Ross for the season. Although the backup was commonly referred to as "struggling," line depth for this Fudgefest outfit is perilous.

Atlanta Falcons are desperate at QB. Bet they wish they had kept QB Matt Schaub. With Mike Vick set to for prison (artistically rendered in Gingerbread-O-Vision) and DJ Shockley gone with a blown knee, the Falcons are left with Jojo Harrington (lifetime QB rating a poopy 68.1), brittle Chris Redman and whatever undisclosed veteran they can scoop out of the garbage can at the last possible moment.

Cleveland Browns would already be vying with the Cardinals for the #1 2008 draft pick, even without the chronic injuries that haunt its starters. CB Gary Baxter seems unlikely to recover from 2006's double-blown pattellar tendons. TE Kellen Winslow Jr. will have major knee troubles for the rest of his career and LB Andra Davis will miss at least the rest of preseason with an ankle injury.

Dallas Cowboys have a serious problem at CB. #1 CB Terence Newman has a chronic foot injury, and will miss at least the rest of preseason. With him ailing, the Cowboys pass defense is suddenly very, very vulnerable. LB Greg Ellis is making a very slow recover from the Achilles tendon injury that nearly made him retire. WR Terry Glenn is rushing back from arthroscopic surgery to make the season opener.

Miami Dolphins lost their top backup OT, Mike Rosenthal for the year. LB Joey Porter is still recovering from knee surgery, but "hopes" to make the season opener.

New Orleans Saints may be even more vulnerable against the run (31st in avg. gain per rush) with DT Bryan Young missing at least the end of preseason with a foot injury.

New England Patriots could be without All-Pro DT Richard Seymour, who has been slow to recover from offseason knee surgery. However, CB Asante Samuel has finally ended his stupid holdout.

New York Giants are still hoping that DT Mike Strahan decides to play football, but even if he does, Strahan is unlikely to be much of a factor any more. They are very thin at WR, with backups David Tyree and Michael Jennings out for 6 weeks and the season, respectively.

New York Jets have waived injured Caucasian-American WR Tim Dwight.

Philly Eagles are strangely confident that McNabb will stay healthy, and are expected to trade backup QB Kelly Holcomb.

SF 49ers are hoping that RB Frank Gore will recover from a broken hand by the season opener.



extrapolater said...

Jason Whitlock and I would like to put in a good word for Jeff George as Falcons QB.

Andrew Wice said...

That is an awesome idea. And once Jeff George gets indicted on Federal Cockfighting Charges, it will set the stage nicely for Steve "The Cancer" Beurlein to step in and save the season.

Miwacar said...

And once Buerlein succumbs to the cancer, then it opens the door for Steve DeBerg to make is triumphant return to the NFL as spritely 70 year-old. That is unless Dave Krieg don't beat him.

Andrew Wice said...

And nobody holds a clipboard like John Friesz.

Muumuuman said...

And there's always greentesticles.

Andrew Wice said...

Ha! The Patriots signed Vinny to a one-year deal!