Wherein we boil down NFL backfields based on the compatibility/wackiness partnering a la Buddy Cop Movies, and try to determine how watchable said act is.
Previously: NFC West, NFC North
Well let's get this out of the way:
Atlanta Falcons: Turner and Hooch! If Turner forced Hooch to fight to the death, and Turne
r ended up in jail. But seriously, folks, this team went from fascinating buddy cop movie to Joey Harrington and Warrick Dunn. Warrick Dunn was too old for this shit 2 years ago. Joey Harrington has no business being in a Buddy Cop movie. This chemistry is strained, and not in a fun way. Is there a way to make a backfield consisting of Warrick Dunn and Jerious Norwood, with absolutely no quarterback? That would be worth watching.
Four Stars. This is not worth watching, unless you enjoy the irony of felonious ghosts hovering on the edge of frame. Think Naked Gun: 33 1/3rd.
Carolina Panthers: Last year, we thought Delhomme was just a family tragedy or two away from being the next great White Action Star (a la Brett Favre). Steve Smith is speedy and crazy and would be awesome to have in a Buddy Cop Time-Traveling Film, but Smith, regrettably, is not part of the backfield. Which is a shame. Because he's the real star. D'Angelo Williams? What? Who? Why? Where? Who? This team, relative to their competition in the division, may be considered good. But can you get excited about Delhomme and Williams? Both are young, in their prime, and yet, I couldn't care less.
6 Stars. Workmanlike performances, boring script. Succesful all the same. Men in Black II, without the Biz Markie cameo.
New Orleans Saints: Last year, we gave them a probationary 6 stars. We were concerned with a crowded backfield making the hype of up and comer Reggie Bush deflate on arrival. We were wrong. This year, we look at Drew Brees, Deuce McAllister, and Reggie Bush, and we see 3 ninjas, one older than the rest, but all still possessing great striking power.
9 Stars: What seemed questionable last year now looks like a bad-ass combo of tough old, tough young, and a kick-ass good time. Reggie Bush is Jet Li, and we'll let everyone else involved pick their own roles from Hero. But if we were picking, then Deuce would be Tony Cheung, and pretty, shy Drew Brees would be Zhang Ziyi. (Drew, rumor has it, covers his mouth when he giggles)
Tampa Bay Bucs: Still in development. Not ready to be watched by anybody.
0 Stars, but hey, they said these are just the dailies. This film isn't ready to be watched by anybody. That potent charismatic coupling of Cadillac Williams and [Not Yet Cast] will be fantastic come sweeps. Comparing this team to QVC is apt.
Previously: NFC West, NFC North
Well let's get this out of the way:
Atlanta Falcons: Turner and Hooch! If Turner forced Hooch to fight to the death, and Turne
r ended up in jail. But seriously, folks, this team went from fascinating buddy cop movie to Joey Harrington and Warrick Dunn. Warrick Dunn was too old for this shit 2 years ago. Joey Harrington has no business being in a Buddy Cop movie. This chemistry is strained, and not in a fun way. Is there a way to make a backfield consisting of Warrick Dunn and Jerious Norwood, with absolutely no quarterback? That would be worth watching.Four Stars. This is not worth watching, unless you enjoy the irony of felonious ghosts hovering on the edge of frame. Think Naked Gun: 33 1/3rd.
Carolina Panthers: Last year, we thought Delhomme was just a family tragedy or two away from being the next great White Action Star (a la Brett Favre). Steve Smith is speedy and crazy and would be awesome to have in a Buddy Cop Time-Traveling Film, but Smith, regrettably, is not part of the backfield. Which is a shame. Because he's the real star. D'Angelo Williams? What? Who? Why? Where? Who? This team, relative to their competition in the division, may be considered good. But can you get excited about Delhomme and Williams? Both are young, in their prime, and yet, I couldn't care less.
6 Stars. Workmanlike performances, boring script. Succesful all the same. Men in Black II, without the Biz Markie cameo.
New Orleans Saints: Last year, we gave them a probationary 6 stars. We were concerned with a crowded backfield making the hype of up and comer Reggie Bush deflate on arrival. We were wrong. This year, we look at Drew Brees, Deuce McAllister, and Reggie Bush, and we see 3 ninjas, one older than the rest, but all still possessing great striking power.
9 Stars: What seemed questionable last year now looks like a bad-ass combo of tough old, tough young, and a kick-ass good time. Reggie Bush is Jet Li, and we'll let everyone else involved pick their own roles from Hero. But if we were picking, then Deuce would be Tony Cheung, and pretty, shy Drew Brees would be Zhang Ziyi. (Drew, rumor has it, covers his mouth when he giggles)
Tampa Bay Bucs: Still in development. Not ready to be watched by anybody.
0 Stars, but hey, they said these are just the dailies. This film isn't ready to be watched by anybody. That potent charismatic coupling of Cadillac Williams and [Not Yet Cast] will be fantastic come sweeps. Comparing this team to QVC is apt.
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